With the aid of technology and social media, people should be able to connect, communicate, network, and keep in touch more easily now than ever. We should be able to get accurate news, have an uncensored platform to exchange ideas, and be more accessible to people we care about. Unfortunately that isn't always the case. It seems that the more "connected" we are on social media, the more disconnected we ultimately have become. Here are some of the mistakes that myself and many others have made and some continue to make using social media.
Not being present in our lives
Have you ever been out to a lunch or dinner with friends or on a date and you couldn't make it through the meal without pulling out your phone and checking your Facebook or Instagram? I'm guilty. If you haven't done it yourself, odds are you sat across from someone who did. When we engage our attention to social media or emails, we are separating ourselves from the people in front of us. We are taking ourselves out of the present moment. We lose mindfulness and we lose the fullness of being in the here and now. While that's ok if you are waiting in line at the DMV or at the doctor's office, it's not ok when you are in a situation that should have your attention and joy. I've literally seen people at dinner staring at their phones and posting about what a great time they are having, while in reality they are just sitting silently at the table staring at their phones. They may be there in body but they are miles away in mind. Life is meant to be experienced, not just written about.
Have you ever been out to a lunch or dinner with friends or on a date and you couldn't make it through the meal without pulling out your phone and checking your Facebook or Instagram? I'm guilty. If you haven't done it yourself, odds are you sat across from someone who did. When we engage our attention to social media or emails, we are separating ourselves from the people in front of us. We are taking ourselves out of the present moment. We lose mindfulness and we lose the fullness of being in the here and now. While that's ok if you are waiting in line at the DMV or at the doctor's office, it's not ok when you are in a situation that should have your attention and joy. I've literally seen people at dinner staring at their phones and posting about what a great time they are having, while in reality they are just sitting silently at the table staring at their phones. They may be there in body but they are miles away in mind. Life is meant to be experienced, not just written about.
Spending too much time on Social Media
Maybe you are laying in bed with your partner, maybe you're at work, or perhaps you have some obligations that need your attention, but you can't seem to get away from your phone or computer. Chances are you are spending too much time on social media. We don't realize it but when we are just looking at Facebook or Pinterest, we are wasting time. How? Because if you think about it, when you are preoccupied with those sites, you are not accomplishing anything. Nothing. If you add up all of the time we spend on social media, it would be a stunning amount of wasted time; Time that you could be doing something productive or time you could be spending with the people who are in front of you. Time is something that is a non renewable human resource; And none of us have the same amount of time on this earth. Your time is as limited as it is valuable!
Maybe you are laying in bed with your partner, maybe you're at work, or perhaps you have some obligations that need your attention, but you can't seem to get away from your phone or computer. Chances are you are spending too much time on social media. We don't realize it but when we are just looking at Facebook or Pinterest, we are wasting time. How? Because if you think about it, when you are preoccupied with those sites, you are not accomplishing anything. Nothing. If you add up all of the time we spend on social media, it would be a stunning amount of wasted time; Time that you could be doing something productive or time you could be spending with the people who are in front of you. Time is something that is a non renewable human resource; And none of us have the same amount of time on this earth. Your time is as limited as it is valuable!
Inflation of the ego and narcissism
There is always that special someone on Facebook or Instagram that feels the need to post the infamous "selfie" everyday. People do that for the same reason children sometimes act out- for attention. They need lots of "likes" on their pictures. The more "likes" they receive, the more validation they feel. It doesn't just boost their self esteem, it inflates their ego. They develop a false sense of being appreciated and feeling connected and attractive. But it's not real. The brain actually tricks us into feeling good when we get those "likes". That's because the brain produces a chemical called, dopamine. Dopamine is the "feel good" chemical. It gets produced when you smoke cigarettes, fall in love, or have a hard workout. Getting those dopamine hits contributes to addictive behavior.
Worrying about how others perceive you
Poor self esteem and self image seem to be a plague throughout our society right now. With the constant bombardments from advertisers, television, and unrealistic expectations from our own psyches, it's no wonder everyone is consumed with the opinions of others for validation of our beauty and lifestyles. We use social media to project a false view of our lives. There seems to be a social pressure to continuously post pictures which portray us having just a hunky dory fabulous life 24-7. But that simply isn't the case. Let's face it. Life is not easy. Life is not always a beach. The irony is that you are in complete control of what you project or don't project. The opinions of others changes nothing about your life. Life, is an individual experience. It's not a team effort or popularity contest. You are in competition with NO ONE. Let it go.
There is always that special someone on Facebook or Instagram that feels the need to post the infamous "selfie" everyday. People do that for the same reason children sometimes act out- for attention. They need lots of "likes" on their pictures. The more "likes" they receive, the more validation they feel. It doesn't just boost their self esteem, it inflates their ego. They develop a false sense of being appreciated and feeling connected and attractive. But it's not real. The brain actually tricks us into feeling good when we get those "likes". That's because the brain produces a chemical called, dopamine. Dopamine is the "feel good" chemical. It gets produced when you smoke cigarettes, fall in love, or have a hard workout. Getting those dopamine hits contributes to addictive behavior.
Worrying about how others perceive you
Poor self esteem and self image seem to be a plague throughout our society right now. With the constant bombardments from advertisers, television, and unrealistic expectations from our own psyches, it's no wonder everyone is consumed with the opinions of others for validation of our beauty and lifestyles. We use social media to project a false view of our lives. There seems to be a social pressure to continuously post pictures which portray us having just a hunky dory fabulous life 24-7. But that simply isn't the case. Let's face it. Life is not easy. Life is not always a beach. The irony is that you are in complete control of what you project or don't project. The opinions of others changes nothing about your life. Life, is an individual experience. It's not a team effort or popularity contest. You are in competition with NO ONE. Let it go.
Dependence on the validation of others
Unfortunately a lot of us make the mistake of looking outside our own selves for validation. It's easy to get caught up in the illusion of life. The psychology of it is that only you get to define yourself. No one else. We often give that power away to people when we allow their judgments about us to impact our lives. Again, the pressure of putting on a facade is self inflicted. You don't need to do it. Social media is about connection with people, not impressing them.
I remember a Facebook post from a woman in my community who, among several other things she does, writes a blog. Rather than writing to simply inform or the joy of helping people, she actually criticized people on Facebook for not reading her writing and appreciating it. That is an example of seeking a validation from others when she should look for it from within her self. It's not the responsibility of others to make you feel important, it's yours.
Unfortunately a lot of us make the mistake of looking outside our own selves for validation. It's easy to get caught up in the illusion of life. The psychology of it is that only you get to define yourself. No one else. We often give that power away to people when we allow their judgments about us to impact our lives. Again, the pressure of putting on a facade is self inflicted. You don't need to do it. Social media is about connection with people, not impressing them.
I remember a Facebook post from a woman in my community who, among several other things she does, writes a blog. Rather than writing to simply inform or the joy of helping people, she actually criticized people on Facebook for not reading her writing and appreciating it. That is an example of seeking a validation from others when she should look for it from within her self. It's not the responsibility of others to make you feel important, it's yours.
Spreading hate and disinformation
There has always been two topics I was told to stay away from in the business world: politics and religion. As an actor I try to avoid talking about both of them, but not so much as a writer. (It's a different venue when you are a lifestyles writer.) Many people use social media to project their views on both politics and religion. Our last election became a social media war with people. People's rants and reactions cost friendships and divided families. Now, think about it; how silly is that, really?
Folks, we have to give people space. You have to give others room to express their beliefs whether you agree with them or not. Who someone votes for doesn't make them a bad or good person. It makes them free to exercise a constitutional right. The media spreads such hate and disinformation on its own. It doesn't need any help from us. We have to stop taking every post so personally. The hate you see in others is often a reflection of what you see in yourself. Do yourself and everyone a favor and put out good things! Spread love, support, and sincerity across your social media. It will become contagious. What you think about expands!
There has always been two topics I was told to stay away from in the business world: politics and religion. As an actor I try to avoid talking about both of them, but not so much as a writer. (It's a different venue when you are a lifestyles writer.) Many people use social media to project their views on both politics and religion. Our last election became a social media war with people. People's rants and reactions cost friendships and divided families. Now, think about it; how silly is that, really?
Folks, we have to give people space. You have to give others room to express their beliefs whether you agree with them or not. Who someone votes for doesn't make them a bad or good person. It makes them free to exercise a constitutional right. The media spreads such hate and disinformation on its own. It doesn't need any help from us. We have to stop taking every post so personally. The hate you see in others is often a reflection of what you see in yourself. Do yourself and everyone a favor and put out good things! Spread love, support, and sincerity across your social media. It will become contagious. What you think about expands!
We use social media as a journal
Humans need to express themselves. We need to let our emotions out. We need to vent. It can be very healthy and liberating to do that provided you do it appropriately. We often forget that when we are posting on social media, hundreds and potentially thousands of people, are able to view what we type. It can be very damaging to our personal and professional lives to post things that should be kept private or written down in a personal journey. When you post things, you are essentially going on national TV and talking every time you post something. It's your name and your face out there. You can do incredible harm to people if you are putting out your business or other people's business online. If you are dealing with personal issues, step back and deal with those issues head on before you type about it. Talk in person with someone you trust. The connection to that person will be stronger and more fulfilling than spewing it out online. People don't need to know everything about you and your day. When you vent online, often times people will draw the wrong conclusion about you and your situation if you aren't careful.
Bullying and censoring others
Humans need to express themselves. We need to let our emotions out. We need to vent. It can be very healthy and liberating to do that provided you do it appropriately. We often forget that when we are posting on social media, hundreds and potentially thousands of people, are able to view what we type. It can be very damaging to our personal and professional lives to post things that should be kept private or written down in a personal journey. When you post things, you are essentially going on national TV and talking every time you post something. It's your name and your face out there. You can do incredible harm to people if you are putting out your business or other people's business online. If you are dealing with personal issues, step back and deal with those issues head on before you type about it. Talk in person with someone you trust. The connection to that person will be stronger and more fulfilling than spewing it out online. People don't need to know everything about you and your day. When you vent online, often times people will draw the wrong conclusion about you and your situation if you aren't careful.
Bullying and censoring others
We live in unique times. Our technology has surpassed our spirituality. Kids have literally killed themselves from online bullying. People have lost friendships and families have been divided over comments and rants from others online. The written word is a powerful thing. It can be very informative and also very misguiding. When we communicate, 70% is non verbal. Meaning we look at gestures, nuances, and listen at the tone of voice more than the actual spoken words. When we are using strictly the written word, we are left with essentially 30% information. That can lead to a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Also, as a rule of thumb, if you wouldn't say something to someone's face, then don't say it to them online.
Again, give each other some space. Understand that people vent and say things. Some things we will like and relate to and some things we won't agree with. And it's okay. Really. What we see in others is often a reflection of what we see in ourselves. Not everything is a debate. Let go of the idea that you always have to be right and don't censor people. When you censor people, you are doing "the man's" job for him.
Again, give each other some space. Understand that people vent and say things. Some things we will like and relate to and some things we won't agree with. And it's okay. Really. What we see in others is often a reflection of what we see in ourselves. Not everything is a debate. Let go of the idea that you always have to be right and don't censor people. When you censor people, you are doing "the man's" job for him.
Social media can be as beautiful or as ugly as we make it. It's a tool like a vehicle. It can take us to good places or bad places. We can use it to encourage and support one another or we can use it to destroy and bring people down. It is a powerless device until we, the user, empower it. Use it with restraint and reverence, my peaceful warriors.
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