Understanding Loss

"But sorrow is not merely the loss of something, it is just a feeling of being stopped, frustrated; sorrow is something much deeper. There is such a thing as having no understanding. If there is no understanding, there is great sorrow." - Krishnamurti

     At some point in each of our lives, we will lose. It's one of those tough cold facts of living. Be it we lose a family member to death, or we lose a spouse to divorce or break up, or we lose a house to a bad economy. In the midst of the circumstance we all try to make sense of it. It almost always comes down to one question: Why? "Why did this happen?" "Why me?" Why now? Why? Why?
     It is completely natural to ask questions, to blame ourselves, or to blame God, or others. In many situations, friends and family, can be a great source of comfort in these times of loss. But they can only be a comfort. They can't "give" you what you truly seek. And what is that Kung Fu Monk? I'm glad you asked. Keep reading!
     In my 30 years on this planet, I've buried my grandparents (all of them), both my parents, one older brother, and the woman I was sure I was going to marry, left me. (She didn't die- Although I thought about burying her anyway!) Now through what has seemed to be a reoccurring nightmare of loss for me, I learned one important thing: In order to find closure and peace, it is absolutely necessary to ask questions and seek understanding.
     The fact is,  no one can make you understand why something happened, except you. Now friends and family can rally around you like a fan club and that's great. The girls at the beauty shop can put their two cents in and that's fine. But until you get it, - you won't get it. And you won't have peace.
     I'm a firm believer that there are some things that happen to us that we can't just, "get over". But I believe we can learn to live with them. And in some cases, we can learn to live without. There are times when you may feel devastated, destroyed, weak, and shattered. I know I have felt like that. If a relationship fails, you need to learn from it and understand why it failed. You have to take realistic accountability for yourself and also be realistic about the other person's responsibility. This does not mean beat yourself up 24-7 or curse the person for the rest of their life. No one is perfect. (Not even my pug, Clyde.) The big picture is there isn't one "right person" for you. There may be several. What makes them right isn't longevity, it is what they have brought to your life and what you brought to theirs. Chances are, both of you learned about yourselves and the world around you, more so then if you were solo at that moment in your life. Sometimes, people finish their purpose in our life sooner then expected or wanted. Sometimes, you have to lose to win. But that doesn't mean it was a failure.
     In the case of dealing with the death of someone you love- We must understand that this life, is a short one. Life isn't about stuff, or longevity. It's about personal growth and leaving a positive impact on the people and world around you. Some people do this a little better then others, but the general purpose remains the same. We have to except that life is circular. It is a cycle. You see it in the seasons, in aging, in jobs. Life is always in motion and changing. This is the way. Let's face it, if it was up to us, we would never grow old, our kids would never grow up, and we would never lose anyone we love. But if that were the way, we would never grow either.
     After feeling all of the sorrow that I have felt and grieving for the loss of very special people in my life, I know that there is nothing I can say to any of you that feel loss right now, that will make you feel better or whole again. But I encourage and empower you to seek understanding. Maybe you won't agree with what you come up with or maybe you could have written your story better, regardless, you have the power to look at a bigger picture. If you have ever been in love, be thankful that you were given that ability to feel love and the opportunity, no matter how long or brief it was. If you have to bury someone you love, be thankful you got to know that person and celebrate the positives that they brought to you and you brought to them.
     Like I said before, life is circular. It may be in a constant change, but circles have no beginning and NO END!