Chasing Casey

"And as I packed my stuff to move into a new place, I was confronted with all my old things. Those things reminded me of the past, the people, and the things that might have been."- Jeff Sandor

     When I was kid in middle school, I was completely akward and shy. I admit it. On a particular fall morning, school started back. I remember fumbling in to a class room that seemed so alien to me. I nervously took a seat. And as the rest of the kids shuffled in, I looked across the room and saw... her. I remember her well. Wearing a zip up sweat shirt and shorts, she sat quietly. For the next year, I pined away silently for her. Her name... was Casey. (Or as I thought in my young mind, the future Mrs. Sandor.) And I was so certain that I'd be the happiest guy and my life would be complete if I had her.
     As the year went on, she barely noticed me. But, I was undetered. Because I knew that one day, fate would bring us together. I eventually spoke to her, a few times, in between our classes. And one day, I got bold and I wrote her the most poetic letter a boy has ever written, confessing my undying love for her. And later that day... wait for it... the enitre school knew how I felt about her. How, you ask? Well Casey, not quite as fantastic in real life as she was in my mind, decided to let a few people read the letter. In fact, she let everyone read it. Even her father, who was a high ranking officer in the Army. Yeah... I was a little embarrassed. (Okay. I was alot embarrassed.)
     So... unlike the movies... I didn't get the girl. So what exactly was wrong with this picture, dear reader? (Other then the fact I was a super hero in disguise and got rejected.) What's really wrong here, is that I empowered someone to take away my own happiness. Granted I was kid. But how many times do we still do this as adults? And in your case, it might not be that you're chasing some girl. You might be chasing a house, or that new car, or promotion, or fame, or (insert happiness maker here).
     Why is it that we so willingly give away or post pone our own joy for someone or some thing? I suppose everyone has different but similar reasons. So the next question is- how can we stop doing it?
I bet you were asking the same thing, weren't you? I can read minds. No, actually, it's what I've been asking myself for a long time. Here's what I've come up with. But be warned- it's hard to do.
      One of the biggest reasons we find ourselves longing for this or that, is because we don't know how to just live; just be in the moment that we are in. Think about it like this: Let's say you're playing monopoly. In the game, you go around the board, a path. And, by the roll of the dice, you move ahead. By "chance", you end up on various properties. If you buy the space you're on, do you keep buying it? No, right. Does it make sense to make landing on a specific property a personal goal. No... Why? Because you're throwing dice. You can't control it. All you can do is show up and roll. Where the dice stops and you land... isn't really up to you. No sense in thinking about the last roll or the three before it. Because the only roll that counts, is the one right now. Ah... Parker Brothers and the art of zen.
      What I'm saying is, why be anywhere else but where you are, right now? The past is behind you. And it's behind you because... wait for it... it has served its purpose in your life and is no longer needed. The future hasn't happened yet... until it's needed. You are right where you need to be when you need to be there. And get this- You have your joy with you. It's only when we let our minds steal our emotions and run wild do we give our happiness away. That new car, or job, or girl, or guy... while cool as they may or may not be... should never add or take away from who you are.
     In the film industry and in my personal life... I've chased "Casey". And maybe sometimes... I'm still chasing her. But as I age, I realize that I'm complete, right now. And I want you, ALL OF YOU, to realize, you are complete too. So... be here. Right Now. And roll the dice... Let Casey find you.