Recently while I was working my part time job, I had the opportunity to take part in a discussion about religion with a couple of co workers. (A dicey thing to talk about at work, especially since I'm a practicing Buddhist, might I add.) One of my co workers, a young man from Texas, had started going to church this year and apparently he felt the need to share with me and our other co worker his convictions about Jesus. To make a long story short, I asked the young man several things about the bible and several questions in regards to the science of life. The young man couldn't answer my questions. Frustrated, he left the office as fast as he could.
My other co worker, a Christian, and I, talked about the bible, creation, theology, science, and God for over an hour and a half. No yelling. No arguing. Not even a debate. At one point my co worker stopped and said, "You know we've been talking for nearly two hours about religion and neither of us have gotten mad or offended. Why do you think that is?"
Pretty simple, really. Here are a few ways to talk religion or politics with anyone without having it turn into an argument:
1) Don't try to persuade the other person to agree with you.
One of the biggest mistakes we make is we try to seize the conversation as an opportunity to "change" someone's mind. It's like we have this insecure need to feel like we are right and our opinion is the gospel truth. Unless you're on a soapbox, don't try to make your dialogue seem like you are on one.
2) Be educated about the subject matter that you are speaking about.
If you are talking about the bible, you need to be well versed on the bible. If you are talking politics, know current events and how it relates to what you are saying. Be prepared to back up, not defend, your opinion with facts, not just your theories.
3) Be a good listener.
It shows respect to the person you are speaking with and makes them feel that what they have to say is just as important as what you are saying. (Because it is.) If you allow people the opportunity to make their point, they are less likely to be confrontational in trying to get their message out.
4) Give the person "space."
You have to give people room to feel and express themselves. Try to make them feel like you aren't judging them on their opinion, even if you completely disagree with them. Doing so is an act of respect and humility.
5) Keep in mind that you might be wrong and that's okay.
You don't have to always be right. You can even... change your mind! It is not a sign of weakness or inferiority to be open to changing your opinion about something. The point of discussion is to broaden perspective and understand where one another is coming from.
6) Don't be attached to the words you say or hear.
Often when we hear something that doesn't agree with our values or opinions, we immediately get offended and defensive. When this happens, it indicates that we have unnecessarily attached feeling and emotion to words or ideas. That, just in plain conversation, is ridiculous. You can believe what you believe without feeling threatened by alternative views. Your world is your own.
7) Know the difference between fact and your ego.
No one can offend you or hurt you without your permission. When words penetrate you or you feel the need to debate, that is a cue that your ego is leading the conversation. Lead with facts. Facts are provable. Opinion is not necessarily able to be proven. You don't need validation from the other person to support your beliefs. Your mind is enough. It's okay to believe differently.
8) Remember that everyone is different and has had a totally different life experience than you.
We forget that we are each having individual human experiences; Very different from one another. Even siblings have their own unique lives and see the world through different eyes. People will often come to different conclusions about various things because of this. This process is called, life.
9) Perspective means more than being right or wrong.
Just because you feel a certain way about a topic or situation, that doesn't mean you are "right." Just because the other person sees things differently than you, doesn't mean they are "wrong." Sometimes both opinions can be right, depending on perspective. Always look from many vantage points; It will build character and help you grow.
10) Don't yell, curse, or condescend the other person.
Right? You can't defuse a situation or keep a conversation civil if you can't maintain control of your tone, language, or inflection. Communication may be 75% non verbal, but name calling and cursing is 100% bad communication.
So often we forget that we are all works in progress, always in development. We confuse challenge with educational opportunities to grow. I don't know it all. You don't know it all. And it's okay. In fact life would be pretty dull if we had it all figured out. So listen more than you speak. Respect others as yourself. And let people be people. Namaste.
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