8 Things I've Learned About Life From Being a Working Actor

Life is a process, a work in progress. Our perspective, our personality, our biases, and how we define ourselves is based on the individual experiences that we have during our life. When we look back we can see how things have changed us, shaped us, and taught us lessons. I have had the privilege of becoming a television and film actor over the last number of years; an experience few get to be a part of. Here are some of the things I've learned so far from this experience...

                          

95% of people will only be interested in you when you are winning

It always amazes me how every time I'm filming or I book a role, my social media blows up and my phone buzzes like a perpetual earthquake. I receive messages from people I haven't heard from in months (even years). But the times between the shows, the lows, the waiting, (the disappointments), all of those "cheering" and supportive people seem to disappear. The truth is the majority of folks are so preoccupied with themselves that their level of care or connection to others is topical at best. The people that truly care for you, will want nothing from you, and will always be there for you. Those folks are going to be few and far between no matter how successful you think you are.

Fame, money, and influence is fleeting

Working on a film set, you are meeting all kinds of people. Those people will usually act interested in you for the duration of production. But their interest in you is generally superficial, kind of like small talk in an elevator. When you are making a name for yourself and the dough is coming in, people will want to know you. When there's a pause in the ride, a break in the action, you often find yourself alone.
My acting coach once said, "The cycle of fame is like this: Who is Jeff Sandor? - Get me Jeff Sandor! - I need a 'Jeff Sandor type.' - Who is Jeff Sandor?"  When the money is spent, it doesn't come back. You always have to work more to make more. When people surround you and you have nothing to offer them, they are genuine. The lesson here is: You are not your body, your car, your bank account, or your social media. It's all going to disappear. You are truth, consciousness, and bliss. That's all you have. Love is abundant and we should love people abundantly.

You are in competition with no one but yourself

Sitting in the audition room always has the same vibe. It's like a job interview on steroids. It's tense situation and most everyone in the waiting area with you sees you as competition. They glare at you like you are taking the last hamburger at the Sunday barbeque. People get so wrapped up in the other people in the room, sizing them up, tearing them down, that they forget about what they bring to the table. They mentally beat themselves before uttering their first line of dialogue. In life, you are the hero in your story. No one is as good at playing you as you are. (Even if you are "playing" a role.) So don't worry about what anyone else thinks or is doing. The most powerful thing you can be is yourself.  

Your job is not your identity 

You see it a lot. People often define themselves by the jobs they do, the money they make, the titles they carry. Whatever you do for a living, you have to step back, reflect, and be comfortable in your own skin. I've seen amateur actors who, in all reality, are fairly average people, totally unrecognizable outside of their home town, but all they do on social media is post about acting or gigs or pictures of themselves. No real content with any substance or stance. People create for themselves a kind of dual identity. They get so caught up in maintaining an image and an imaginary  expectation, that they lose their true self and they become buried under the stress and burden of keeping up this illusion. We hold a personal pressure that people are as fascinated with ourselves as we are. Truth is, people are innately more concerned with their own selves then what you have going on. 

Some people will just want you to fail

That's right. Some people just want to see you fall on your face. Why? Because they hate you? Probably not. Usually, the reason is these people either aren't as brave as you or are not as driven. So for them, it's much easier to scoff at you going after your goals and continuing to knock you for doing it rather than them getting up and going for their own individual dreams. So the healthiest thing for you to do is to keep moving forward and not take their attitude personally. The lesson is that often times the way people treat you is not a reflection of you, but a reflection of themselves.

How you treat others is more memorable than making movies

We often underestimate our own individual influence on how we impact the people around us. I've heard horror stories about actors being absolutely obnoxious to crew, to directors, and to co stars. I've been on the receiving end of such poor behavior when I worked on a particular network show with the lead female actor. (She was later recast the following season. Karma.) Your reputation will always proceed you. Maybe what you do isn't a big deal to you, but for some people around you, you may be the part of the story they tell over and over for years. After I worked on Netflix's, "House of Cards," I never talked much about what I did, but I always talked about how kind and beautiful Robin Wright was with me and how amazing it was to work with her. When you are in a position to make someone's day and give them the gift of joy just by treating them well, do it. Whether you treat people well or treat them badly, people will always remember you for it.  

Ego kills relationships and careers
The ego is like a child. The ego demands control, attention, praise, and power. None of these things will bring you any peace or bring peace to anyone else. What it will do is put unnecessary stress and burdens on those around you. It will become a huge wedge between you and other people. The ego is insecure and demands reassurance that it is great. You cannot be a fully developed human if you are only concerned with yourself. What you seek for yourself, you must first give to others. This is humility. No matter what we achieve in our careers, our bank accounts, or how many social media followers we have, no one is any better or any worse than anyone else. Besides, cancer doesn't care how famous you are. Remember that. 

Not everyone is treated the same
I talked to the director of photography on a recent commercial I was working on during a break. He told me something fascinating. He said that, one of the differences between the "talent"[the actors] and the crew is that the talent can mess up a take numerous times and no one gets on them about it but no one behind the camera can mess up a take. If they do, they can be fired. I never worked as crew and had never thought about it until then, but he was right. There was clearly different standards for different people. On a film set, it depends on your job. Looking back, I can promise you I get treated a lot better being an actor then during the days when I was an extra. I was raised to treat everyone the same. There exists a hierarchy on set, and in many instances, in life. Our duty is to simply show up  in life and treat every single person we meet the same way as we would want to be treated.  

I've learned these lessons not just from watching other people but because I sometimes was those people. I lived many years being egotistical, selfish, self-centered, insecure, hateful and insensitive to those around me many times. My hope is that you, dear reader, will take these words and become more aware of your own being and avoid many of the pitfalls that I have seen and have been apart of. We are all enduring the human condition. We are all unsure of things. We are all winging it. But we also are all in this together. The segregations and limitations we place on life is purely self inflicted... and can be changed...