One of the biggest lessons I have learned within the last few years that gave me great peace was that, more often than not, the way people treat others is more of a reflection of themselves than anyone else. Whether it's based on wanting something from you or their own insecurities, when people treat you poorly it's usually about them.
The irony of it is that there is no separation. There is no us and them, me and you. We really are one. Yes, even the asshole co worker who talks mad gossip about you in the break room is... well... connected to you. However until people genuinely wake up to this idea, to safe guard yourself and help you live more peacefully, here are a list of observations of behaviors that you shouldn't tolerate from others nor should you do.
Using people for self gain or personal satisfaction - "the users"
These types of people approach others with a what can this person do for me attitude toward dealing with people. "Users" aren't sincere or authentic toward people they think are valuable to them in some way and often mask their true intentions with a charade. I see this all the time in the film industry and corporate America and it's as nauseating as it is stunning. Most reasonable people would see this as a waste of energy and unethical but these people are solely "me" and ego driven with little to no regard toward others.
Gossiping and spreading rumors
There's a great line about real friends. Something to the affect of, "a true friend will defend you in your absence." People who gossip and spread rumors around you, you can bet that they are talking about you when you are not around. Many of us often hear things about others and immediately pass judgment based on hearsay and not on actual facts. This can impact and destroy connections and relationships with people as well as hurt them without justification. We aren't here in these bodies to destroy. We are, by design, creators. Thus we should be creating and building one another up, not tearing ourselves or one another down.
Lying
Everyone at some point has lied. Lying isn't OK. But out of fairness there's two types of lying. For instance if your spouse says, "do I look fat in this outfit?" and they in fact do, you may say, "no you look great." Well that was a lie. You did it unselfishly to spare the feelings of someone. But if you are cheating on your spouse and you lie to your spouse about it, you lied selfishly to continue your own gratifications. If you know someone who is a perpetual liar, how can you develop any kind of real relationship with that person? Trust is fundamental in being able to fully let your guard down and be you. Be the person that people can be real with and avoid the ones that aren't trust worthy.
Being condescending
Often times people speak and treat others in a manner that is very belittling. I am referring to people who do this very regularly, not once in a while. Habitual condescending people seem to believe that by making others feel small, they are somehow made bigger and better. These people who do this are often secretly very insecure about themselves and they project their insecurities on others in the form of condescension. These people may often exhibit "gas lighting" behavior with people.
Cheating
People who cheat, either on spouses or cheat others, are incredibly selfish and self centered. These people have put up walls between themselves and others and are out for their own interests. Cheaters have little to no regard for fairness, honesty, or the feelings of people around them. They are loyal to themselves and no one else. Trust is something we all want for ourselves and for people we care for. Cheaters have a hard time trusting others and being trusted themselves largely due to how they treat others.
Each and everyone of us is on an individual journey. We meet people, share experiences, and impact the lives of others in many ways. The best way to deter bad behavior from others is to identify it in them and within ourselves. We must be the light that shines for it is the only light we can control. Always treat people the way that you want to be treated because ultimately how you treat people is how you in fact treat yourself.
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