"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."
First off let me appologize for taking a bit of a break from writing. Even Kung Fu Monks need to take holiday from time to time. But in the hustle and bustle of the holidays, which I am so glad are over, some body very special to me reminded me of something that I forgot. I forgot one the core elements of Zen living: "The little things." So let's dive in and look at Zen in relationships.
Little Things in Relationships- Ah, the good stuff.
I'm a firm believer in a few key things that are essential to having a happy relationship with your partner: Proper communication, honesty, loyality, common interests, and having a mature mindfulness to see and appreciate the little things. So what are "the little things" Kung Fu Monk? I'm glad you asked.
How about doing the dishes? Or laundry? I know, it sounds like chores, right? Not to the mindful, it doesn't. It's sharing a meal together and talking about each other's day and really listening to your partner. (Guys- sometimes that's all the ladies want! Not a solution, just a listener!) And in between loading up the dish washer or you washing while he/she is drying, it's those small moments where your hands meet. It's being goofy and randomly pinching your partner's booty in the middle of a rinse. Maybe it's looking at the fact that someone loves you enough to wash the nasty out of your delecates! It's the things that we all too often over look. Because to most of us... they're little.
I know. Dishes... laundry... sounds like work. Okay... How about sitting? Simply sitting together. In the car, on the couch, at the table, in the person's lap. Whatever. No energy needed but the mindfulness remains the same. Being aware of the moment and feeling the full sensation of the feelings you have- that my friend is zen. That my friend, is some of the little things.
You see, if you look at life, love, relationships, all these things are comprised of a series of the smallest moments and events. It is only by seeing and understanding these moments do we learn to be fully grateful of others and experience the joy of true living. Sure there are big moments. A first date, kiss, the wedding day, the honey moon. Those are big things and easy to look forward to or back on. But they are far and few between. The little things are the glue. Ah, Zen and the art of relationships! Isn't it all about mindfulness? So how can we make our seleves more mindful of the little things? Read on my little peaceful warrior!
Seeing and Enjoying the Little Things: 101
Basic Zen is simply being right where you are and in the time that you are there. It's not day dreaming or thinking about the grocery list while you are working (or reading my blog). Imagine touching your partner's hand and really feeling their skin. (Not in a rough or Hannibel Lecter way) I mean just touching their skin and thinking about your nerve reciptors feeling the touch. Feel the skin... It's softness... It's smoothness. Now imagine taking a normal breath and smelling the perfume or collonge of your partner. After all, smell is the strongest sense tied to memory. And as you do this, free your mind to process the total experience of being with that person, no matter what you are doing. (I'll let you use your imagination on that last one.)
It doesn't matter if you are doing Martial Arts or eating an apple. It's the mindfulness that you are alive that fuels the soul. Life is a cycle of moments, dear reader. The less you pay attention, the more you will miss. The art of kissing lies in the ability to taste the lips of your partner and feel the movement of their lips against yours. Again... mindfulness grass hoppas. As for me, the Kung Fu Monk... I got some mindfulness of my own to practice with the woman I love. Until the next blog! Stay tuned!
