The 10 New Year Resolutions You Should be Making

It seems like at the end of every year most of us stop for just a moment and reflect on what we did and what we didn't do over the past year. And for many of us, we head toward the coming year with a mix sense of excitement, regret, frustration, and resolve. We promise ourselves that we will join a gym, eat healthier, exercise more, be more productive, get a new job and blah, blah, blah. 

Why are we even doing this? To be healthier? To be happier? I mean most of us end up abandoning our "resolutions" after the first month of the new year anyway. Maybe this year we should take a different approach. Here is a top 10 list of some new "New Year Resolutions" that I think we can stick with.

I will want nothing from no one.

There is nothing that will give you a better sense of pride than doing things for yourself and for others. And there is nothing more disappointing than counting on someone to do something and they turn around and let you down. When you free yourself from expecting things from others, you can never be let down by them. If you want it done right, do it yourself.

I will love and accept myself right now, fully and completely. 

Comparison is the thief of joy and peace in our lives. We constantly seek ways to add to or "improve" ourselves. What we don't see (or we forget) is that at our core, we are all love, truth, consciousness, and bliss. All of which are beautiful qualities that you, me, all of us possess by design. There is no need to add or subtract from who you are right now. You can grow, you can change, but you can't add to. 

I will stop making excuses and hold myself accountable for my life.

We blame our parents, bosses, co workers, famous people, politicians, gender, color, sex, religion, all kinds of things when life isn't going "right." There are circumstances that are truly out of your control, but more often than not it is your choices that have landed you where you are right now. If you want a different situation or job or life, then you must make different choices and hold yourself solely responsible for it.  

I will be present.

Have you ever went out to a meal with someone and looked around the restaurant and saw people sitting at the tables staring at their phones rather than talking with one another? Their bodies are in the restaurant but their minds, their awareness, is somewhere else. Too often we trade our real life experiences for virtual ones; and we end up missing out on our lives. Look up. Be here now. 

I will listen with as much enthusiasm as I talk. 

People don't listen. The fact that you are actually reading this blog is incredibly mind blowing to me. So often people are engaged on their phones or "multi tasking" while trying to communicate that they miss information and nuances which leads to miscommunication. Rather than hearing another point of view and potentially learn something, we are too busy thinking of a response to even hear what's being said in the first place.  

I will spend time in and connect with nature often.

It is absolutely innate in all of us to want to breathe fresh air, be surrounded by lush trees, and gaze up at the gorgeous sky. But why? Well it's because that we are all made from the same beautiful cosmic source energy. Call it God. Call it the Universe. Call it you. Whatever. Being in nature is a natural way to recharge your energy, quiet the mind, and feel a greater sense of balance. It is scientifically proven to reduce stress and promote mental clarity. We could all use more of that.

I will stop taking everything personally. 

Be it a difference in politics or general opinion, people confuse their ideas and beliefs with their identity. When you do that, inevitably, you'll take everything to heart. We forget that often the opinions or tastes of others are simply a sum total of that individual's experience, limited perspective, and personal bias. None of which has anything to do with you personally. So, forget about it. 

I will speak more kind words than negative ones. 

We are so quick to say hurtful things, either out of anger or frustration, but how fast do we say something kind? Imagine if you called someone when you missed them or told someone that they are beautiful each time it came across your mind. The world would look a lot prettier if we did and people would feel a lot more loved. 

I will stop praying to ask for things, and start praying to give thanks for what I have. 

When we focus on what we don't have, we forget about what we do have. We also create more desire by focusing on what we feel is missing. But when we focus on gratitude, we magnify a sense of well being and we attract more things to be grateful for. Pro tip: Gratitude is the key to abundance. 

I will find ways to serve my community and help others on the road of life.

There is nothing more rewarding than giving back. Give back to your community, your country, your neighborhood. If you see a need that you can meet, then meet it. One of the great purposes of life is helping people through life. In the end, it won't be the money we make, the car we drive, or job title we held that people will remember, but how we treated others. 

So these resolutions probably won't make your waistline smaller or build your muscles but I guarantee that if you practice some of these, even for just a month, your life will begin to change. And funny enough, you'll change the lives of everyone that comes into contact with you. Hey, it's a kind of magic. It's your magic....

10 Lessons That I Learned From Taking A Break From Facebook

"Life is that thing that's happening around you while you stare at your phone." ~ Jeff Sandor

It's funny to remember a time that we weren't so glued to our phones and absorbed by social media. It seems to occupy a lot of our time. It's a habitual distraction, really. Being a meditator, I realize the importance of being present in life. I mean, really being in the moment; each and every moment. So I decided to try a little experiment. I decided to give up Facebook for a couple of weeks and see how it impacted my life, if at all. Well, I did it. After doing so, here is a list of things I experienced by taking a Facebook break. And yes, I will be posting this on Facebook. I mean I want you to see it! Right!? Oh, sweet irony...

1) I became more free of other people's problems.
When you open up your news feed sometimes you get puppies and cool quotes but often you also get people's gripes, complaints, bitches, and problems streaming to you in real time and non-stop. We underestimate how much programming we receive through our senses everyday. What we read, hear, think about, and talk about literal programs our minds. When we are constantly bombarded with negative content, our mood and overall happiness in life can diminish rapidly. When I stopped seeing the negative posts about politics, race, and complaints, you name it, I felt like I had dropped a load of bricks off my back. Like I could breath. I really felt more easy going and relaxed after awhile of no Facebook. It was eye opening.

2) I felt less pressure on myself and more free to be myself.
People rarely post about their personal failures or losses. When they aren't complaining about Trump or whatever, they are posting their wins. The big vacation. The fancy car they drove in. Their cruise to Jamaica. Their photoshop selfie that magically makes the wrinkles go away. Every time. Yeah. You get the idea. While posting that is fine, we sometimes neglect to be mindful that seeing a bunch of people have seemingly perfect lives often times makes us feel like less than we are. It's as if we compare ourselves to these bogus images and we feel we aren't achieving and living the good life like, what seems like, everybody else. When you put down the phone, you are faced with a more objective reality. You have no choice but to see life as it is, rather than what others are trying to make it look like.

3) I became more productive.
It's mind blowing to really see how much time we spend checking, chatting, and posting on Facebook. But if you had all of that time back, how much could you get done in your day? Answer... quite a bit actually. In just two weeks of no Facebook  I can personally attest to having getting 2 canvas paintings done. My house is spotless. My yard got some much needed manicuring too. (Can I still say MANicuring or is it PERSONicuring? People are so silly nowadays). Oh and my book is a lot more close to being finished than it would of been had I been playing on Facebook. (It's 365 pages FYI).

4) I spent less time worrying and having imaginary "arguments" with people on social media. 

Sometimes, people just troll other people. Their lives are so actively bankrupt that they just sit with their phone in hand and try to argue with people. They can't just scroll on. I know because it happens to me. Often. Does it bother me? Yes. Don't get me wrong. I think people should be able to speak their truth or opinion. But it does come at a price. And that price is that people will inevitably disagree with you. And they will cite every reason they can think of to prove to you why you are wrong and that they are right. It's frustrating. And often we misinterpret the written word. (Very easily, too) It's different when you can hear a person's tone of voice and see nuance. So we take the remarks we read and interpret them in the worst way we can fathom. We then stew over those and waste time worrying what to say and stressing. It's absolutely normal to do this and absolutely ridicules to do it. So don't waste your time or your thoughts.

5) I became more present.
It's amazing the things you see and hear when you aren't looking down at your phone. You know? You actually notice things. Things that are right in front of you. Like on coming traffic for example. Seriously though, during my break from Facebook, there were often many times where I was just sitting there and I felt complete peace. No need to reach for my phone. I wasn't consumed by trying to feed my eyes with a flurry of social media brain candy crack. There weren't any political debates to be in. No "selfies" to post or like. Just being; being right there and then. It was quite liberating really.

6) I became more plugged in when I unplugged from Facebook.
I kind of felt like I gradually took more interest in my own life. Yeah I know that sounds silly but it's true. More importantly, I wasn't distracted with the lives of other people. The only life that I was "viewing" was my own. Since the advent of social media, for the first time, I just had my own shit to deal with. And to be honest, that was pretty cool. My personal time became a more simpler time, all by deleting that 'FB' icon on my phone. I wasn't searching for anything. I wasn't getting upset with the ridiculousness of other people. I no longer had a need or want to share a darn thing with the world. My life... was... just mine again.

7) Much of my anxiety and need to explain myself seemed to disappear.
When you don't have the opportunity to express your thoughts to people, they don't have an opportunity to criticize or commend you. You stop worrying about that little hit of dopamine you get when a Facebook "notification" pops up. You begin to unlearn the constant habit of checking your phone. You just begin to sort of sit with yourself and sit in the moment you are in. Those previous habits, those distractions, bring unnecessary angst and anxiety. When you let go of that phone, you let go of that media induced anxiety.

8) My (actual) friendships improved.
Yeah. Duh. Of course. Why wouldn't your friendships improve when you are putting in actual face time rather than Facebooking with them. There's no substitute for hearing a person's voice, seeing their face, and engaging in actual listening in a real conversation. When you connect with people in a way that reveals more visual information than simply the written word, your relationship with that person strengthens. The emotions and connections become real. You can't type out having a real conversation.

9) It is literally emotionally draining dealing with people's opposition everyday.
Trump this. Clinton that. The Republicans suck. No, it's the democrats fault. You are racist. No you are. Fake news. Back and forth and back and forth. It amazes me more people aren't on anti-depressants. Holy shit people throw more shade than an umbrella nowadays. It's instantaneous. It's insane. And again, if you are taking in these thoughts and images everyday, multiple times a day, you will feel emotionally taxed way more than you should. And funny enough, it's self inflicted. And we keep going back again and again. It becomes kind of a mental crack cocaine. And crack might trip your trigger for a while, but ultimately it comes at a price.   

10) I became a happier person.
Honestly, maybe the preceding 9 things I experienced may have been obvious to some of you, but I am a little surprised how just cutting out Facebook for a mere two weeks affected my happiness. I didn't think about it until I actually deleted the FB icon and put my phone down nor was I aware of how much psychological stress comes with being active on social media. I feel like a dog that broke off his collar. It feels good to be free. Free from worry. Free from politics. Free from concern. Now the only walls I think that I'm going to worry about are in my home. In fact I think I'll put up one of my paintings that I was able to do with all that "new" time I had.

How to be Happy by Being Authentic

"We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that may prove to be." ~ May Sarton

Authenticity seems to have become an illusive quality in people nowadays. But why? Maybe we feel such a need to fit in that we worry that we won't be liked or excepted by people if we don't present the version of ourselves that we believe people want to see. Often times we define ourselves and our worth by the perceptions of others and we do it at the expense of our own happiness. When we become mindful of this misstep, we begin the journey of liberating and redefining ourselves in a much more truer and more comfortable fashion. Here are a few ways you can begin freeing and redefining yourself...

Stop wanting things from others.
Americans have become conditioned to getting into relationships for the purpose of how they benefit us. We join churches for networking. We brown nose our bosses. We hold our tongue to keep clients. The list goes on and on. Ultimately people will never deliver to you what you truly seek. They will always fail you in some regard. When you do things for others without expectation of something in return, you will have much more honest and less disappointing relationships. You will attract people who are more genuine and good hearted as well.

Realize that you define your life, no one else does.
You are in control of you. That is what being an adult is all about: personal accountability. Too often people have this "blueprint" of how they have been taught that their life is suppose to be: Grow up. Go to college. Get in debt. Get a career. Get married. Buy a house. Have 2.5 kids. blah, blah, blah! That "blueprint" is actually someone else's idea of life. It doesn't have to be yours. You can stay single, buy a van, and ride across the country working odd jobs. You can be an artist, a song writer, or a baby maker. Whatever you do, just don't fall into the trap of living a life that someone else designed. Live your  life, your way.

Be true to yourself.
I always knew I was different. Growing up I wasn't interested in sports. I liked to draw. I liked to write poems. I was fascinated by outer space and the thought of alien life. I loved acting. I knew I was supposed to be an artist of some kind. But for a point in my adult life I denied all of that. I got the "crew" cut. I went to college. Got in debt from school loans. Got married. Became a cop. Found myself shackled to a woman that I didn't love, in a career that I didn't like, doing shit that I dreaded to do, in a costume that I hated wearing. I was miserable. I became a toxic angry person. But like all the stories about the forks in the road of life, one day I decided to zigg when everyone else zagged. I got divorced. I dropped out of college. I became an actor and model. I quit my job. I started painting and writing. I left church and became a Buddhist. And guess what? I became a much happier person.

Be comfortable saying 'No' to people.
When you say yes to everyone and everything you inevitably will over commit yourself and you will find yourself doing a lot of shit you don't want to do. But people do it all the time! Why? Well most of us feel obligated and we don't want to let others down. It's good to be unselfish and put others first but you have to balance that with putting you first part of the time too. People who are worth your time will understand if you tell them no. And if they don't, chances are they don't care or respect you enough for you to even deal with them. That's a good way to see who is genuine and who is using you. There is nothing wrong with taking time for you, doing things that you enjoy, without expectations of others. Plus, saying 'no' is empowering!

Embrace your inner child.
I really, really, really like comic books. I have a huge collection. I play video games for at least an hour a day. Oh, and bike riding and tree climbing, I love those things too. Cartoons? Yes... yes... I will still sit with a big bowl of cereal and watch some of the cartoons that I grew up with and be just as happy now as I was when I was a kid. Sound crazy? Maybe. But I don't care. Doing these things makes me happy. It makes me smile. It makes me remember that my life is what I make it. What's crazier than all of this is that for years I did things and refrained from doing other things because I was scared of what people would think of me. We often fall victim to the expectations of society at the cost of our creativity.

Do the good things that you love without explanation.
Spoiler alert: A lot of people are not going to "get" you and that's okay. If you like sitting in bed and reading murder mysteries every Sunday then do it. At 38 years old I took up playing the ukulele. Why? Because I wanted to. It makes me happy. No other explanation needed. When we stop trying to justify our tastes, our beliefs, our hobbies, we become free of the burden of concern. We take the pressure of other people's opinions off of our shoulders and we shift our focus on our own well being. We become free to decide what we love and what makes us happy. When you do that you live a much more rich and full life.

Be honest.
Sounds simple enough, right? So why is it so hard for many of us to do? We lie to ourselves. We lie to others and for what? So we can perpetuate a false identity and find validation in the opinions of people who probably don't really matter to us to begin with? When you live your life based on the expectations of others you end up trapped in a life that you didn't want in the first place. That's not fair to you or anyone else around you. Like I explained earlier in this blog, I too once lived a life based off what people told me that I should do rather than be honest with them and myself and carve out my own path in life. Being fake is a far worse way of living than being who you are.

Realize that it's not you against the world.
One of the greatest lies so many of us believe is that we are separate and apart from the world and from other beings. The fact is we are all one; it's just not many people remember that. In nature, the same rain that can cause floods also provides the same water to sustain life. The same sun that causes skin cancer also provides vitamin D and is essential for life. Nature is nether for you nor against you. It's the same in life. The enemies that you have are the enemies that you have labeled. Your survival in life is based off of very simple needs. Our ego runs off of desires not needs. Realization of this is the key to a peaceful heart.

Stop trying to impress people that you don't like.
For a long time I tried very hard to fit in with the local "actors" in my community. But something always felt off about most of them to me. There was this underlying disingenuous feeling that seemed to surround them. Then one day it hit me. I really, really, really didn't like these people. These people... were fake. And here I was worrying about fitting in. I found myself spending stupendous amounts of time and energy trying to get these people to like me so I could belong in some make believe circle. Truth was I didn't want to sit around all day in a coffee shop talking about "the craft." I wanted to talk about the universe, relationships, and real life. I didn't give a damn about short films and who was directing what. I was again living someone else's "blueprint." I wasn't being honest with them or myself. Not long after I stopped giving a shit about what they thought and I shifted my energy into training and doing things my own way, that's when I started working as an actor and I started find much more success than the phony people who I tried to fit in with.

When you live a life of authenticity, you open the door to your own happiness and well being. It is only be taking off the masks we wear that we can truly be beautiful. Namaste.