"And as I packed my stuff to move into a new place, I was confronted with all my old things. Those things reminded me of the past, the people, and the things that might have been."- Jeff Sandor
When I was kid in middle school, I was completely akward and shy. I admit it. On a particular fall morning, school started back. I remember fumbling in to a class room that seemed so alien to me. I nervously took a seat. And as the rest of the kids shuffled in, I looked across the room and saw... her. I remember her well. Wearing a zip up sweat shirt and shorts, she sat quietly. For the next year, I pined away silently for her. Her name... was Casey. (Or as I thought in my young mind, the future Mrs. Sandor.) And I was so certain that I'd be the happiest guy and my life would be complete if I had her.
As the year went on, she barely noticed me. But, I was undetered. Because I knew that one day, fate would bring us together. I eventually spoke to her, a few times, in between our classes. And one day, I got bold and I wrote her the most poetic letter a boy has ever written, confessing my undying love for her. And later that day... wait for it... the enitre school knew how I felt about her. How, you ask? Well Casey, not quite as fantastic in real life as she was in my mind, decided to let a few people read the letter. In fact, she let everyone read it. Even her father, who was a high ranking officer in the Army. Yeah... I was a little embarrassed. (Okay. I was alot embarrassed.)
So... unlike the movies... I didn't get the girl. So what exactly was wrong with this picture, dear reader? (Other then the fact I was a super hero in disguise and got rejected.) What's really wrong here, is that I empowered someone to take away my own happiness. Granted I was kid. But how many times do we still do this as adults? And in your case, it might not be that you're chasing some girl. You might be chasing a house, or that new car, or promotion, or fame, or (insert happiness maker here).
Why is it that we so willingly give away or post pone our own joy for someone or some thing? I suppose everyone has different but similar reasons. So the next question is- how can we stop doing it?
I bet you were asking the same thing, weren't you? I can read minds. No, actually, it's what I've been asking myself for a long time. Here's what I've come up with. But be warned- it's hard to do.
One of the biggest reasons we find ourselves longing for this or that, is because we don't know how to just live; just be in the moment that we are in. Think about it like this: Let's say you're playing monopoly. In the game, you go around the board, a path. And, by the roll of the dice, you move ahead. By "chance", you end up on various properties. If you buy the space you're on, do you keep buying it? No, right. Does it make sense to make landing on a specific property a personal goal. No... Why? Because you're throwing dice. You can't control it. All you can do is show up and roll. Where the dice stops and you land... isn't really up to you. No sense in thinking about the last roll or the three before it. Because the only roll that counts, is the one right now. Ah... Parker Brothers and the art of zen.
What I'm saying is, why be anywhere else but where you are, right now? The past is behind you. And it's behind you because... wait for it... it has served its purpose in your life and is no longer needed. The future hasn't happened yet... until it's needed. You are right where you need to be when you need to be there. And get this- You have your joy with you. It's only when we let our minds steal our emotions and run wild do we give our happiness away. That new car, or job, or girl, or guy... while cool as they may or may not be... should never add or take away from who you are.
In the film industry and in my personal life... I've chased "Casey". And maybe sometimes... I'm still chasing her. But as I age, I realize that I'm complete, right now. And I want you, ALL OF YOU, to realize, you are complete too. So... be here. Right Now. And roll the dice... Let Casey find you.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Understanding Loss
"But sorrow is not merely the loss of something, it is just a feeling of being stopped, frustrated; sorrow is something much deeper. There is such a thing as having no understanding. If there is no understanding, there is great sorrow." - Krishnamurti
At some point in each of our lives, we will lose. It's one of those tough cold facts of living. Be it we lose a family member to death, or we lose a spouse to divorce or break up, or we lose a house to a bad economy. In the midst of the circumstance we all try to make sense of it. It almost always comes down to one question: Why? "Why did this happen?" "Why me?" Why now? Why? Why?
It is completely natural to ask questions, to blame ourselves, or to blame God, or others. In many situations, friends and family, can be a great source of comfort in these times of loss. But they can only be a comfort. They can't "give" you what you truly seek. And what is that Kung Fu Monk? I'm glad you asked. Keep reading!
In my 30 years on this planet, I've buried my grandparents (all of them), both my parents, one older brother, and the woman I was sure I was going to marry, left me. (She didn't die- Although I thought about burying her anyway!) Now through what has seemed to be a reoccurring nightmare of loss for me, I learned one important thing: In order to find closure and peace, it is absolutely necessary to ask questions and seek understanding.
The fact is, no one can make you understand why something happened, except you. Now friends and family can rally around you like a fan club and that's great. The girls at the beauty shop can put their two cents in and that's fine. But until you get it, - you won't get it. And you won't have peace.
I'm a firm believer that there are some things that happen to us that we can't just, "get over". But I believe we can learn to live with them. And in some cases, we can learn to live without. There are times when you may feel devastated, destroyed, weak, and shattered. I know I have felt like that. If a relationship fails, you need to learn from it and understand why it failed. You have to take realistic accountability for yourself and also be realistic about the other person's responsibility. This does not mean beat yourself up 24-7 or curse the person for the rest of their life. No one is perfect. (Not even my pug, Clyde.) The big picture is there isn't one "right person" for you. There may be several. What makes them right isn't longevity, it is what they have brought to your life and what you brought to theirs. Chances are, both of you learned about yourselves and the world around you, more so then if you were solo at that moment in your life. Sometimes, people finish their purpose in our life sooner then expected or wanted. Sometimes, you have to lose to win. But that doesn't mean it was a failure.
In the case of dealing with the death of someone you love- We must understand that this life, is a short one. Life isn't about stuff, or longevity. It's about personal growth and leaving a positive impact on the people and world around you. Some people do this a little better then others, but the general purpose remains the same. We have to except that life is circular. It is a cycle. You see it in the seasons, in aging, in jobs. Life is always in motion and changing. This is the way. Let's face it, if it was up to us, we would never grow old, our kids would never grow up, and we would never lose anyone we love. But if that were the way, we would never grow either.
After feeling all of the sorrow that I have felt and grieving for the loss of very special people in my life, I know that there is nothing I can say to any of you that feel loss right now, that will make you feel better or whole again. But I encourage and empower you to seek understanding. Maybe you won't agree with what you come up with or maybe you could have written your story better, regardless, you have the power to look at a bigger picture. If you have ever been in love, be thankful that you were given that ability to feel love and the opportunity, no matter how long or brief it was. If you have to bury someone you love, be thankful you got to know that person and celebrate the positives that they brought to you and you brought to them.
Like I said before, life is circular. It may be in a constant change, but circles have no beginning and NO END!
At some point in each of our lives, we will lose. It's one of those tough cold facts of living. Be it we lose a family member to death, or we lose a spouse to divorce or break up, or we lose a house to a bad economy. In the midst of the circumstance we all try to make sense of it. It almost always comes down to one question: Why? "Why did this happen?" "Why me?" Why now? Why? Why?
It is completely natural to ask questions, to blame ourselves, or to blame God, or others. In many situations, friends and family, can be a great source of comfort in these times of loss. But they can only be a comfort. They can't "give" you what you truly seek. And what is that Kung Fu Monk? I'm glad you asked. Keep reading!
In my 30 years on this planet, I've buried my grandparents (all of them), both my parents, one older brother, and the woman I was sure I was going to marry, left me. (She didn't die- Although I thought about burying her anyway!) Now through what has seemed to be a reoccurring nightmare of loss for me, I learned one important thing: In order to find closure and peace, it is absolutely necessary to ask questions and seek understanding.
The fact is, no one can make you understand why something happened, except you. Now friends and family can rally around you like a fan club and that's great. The girls at the beauty shop can put their two cents in and that's fine. But until you get it, - you won't get it. And you won't have peace.
I'm a firm believer that there are some things that happen to us that we can't just, "get over". But I believe we can learn to live with them. And in some cases, we can learn to live without. There are times when you may feel devastated, destroyed, weak, and shattered. I know I have felt like that. If a relationship fails, you need to learn from it and understand why it failed. You have to take realistic accountability for yourself and also be realistic about the other person's responsibility. This does not mean beat yourself up 24-7 or curse the person for the rest of their life. No one is perfect. (Not even my pug, Clyde.) The big picture is there isn't one "right person" for you. There may be several. What makes them right isn't longevity, it is what they have brought to your life and what you brought to theirs. Chances are, both of you learned about yourselves and the world around you, more so then if you were solo at that moment in your life. Sometimes, people finish their purpose in our life sooner then expected or wanted. Sometimes, you have to lose to win. But that doesn't mean it was a failure.
In the case of dealing with the death of someone you love- We must understand that this life, is a short one. Life isn't about stuff, or longevity. It's about personal growth and leaving a positive impact on the people and world around you. Some people do this a little better then others, but the general purpose remains the same. We have to except that life is circular. It is a cycle. You see it in the seasons, in aging, in jobs. Life is always in motion and changing. This is the way. Let's face it, if it was up to us, we would never grow old, our kids would never grow up, and we would never lose anyone we love. But if that were the way, we would never grow either.
After feeling all of the sorrow that I have felt and grieving for the loss of very special people in my life, I know that there is nothing I can say to any of you that feel loss right now, that will make you feel better or whole again. But I encourage and empower you to seek understanding. Maybe you won't agree with what you come up with or maybe you could have written your story better, regardless, you have the power to look at a bigger picture. If you have ever been in love, be thankful that you were given that ability to feel love and the opportunity, no matter how long or brief it was. If you have to bury someone you love, be thankful you got to know that person and celebrate the positives that they brought to you and you brought to them.
Like I said before, life is circular. It may be in a constant change, but circles have no beginning and NO END!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Softer is Stronger
"Be like water." - Bruce Lee
I've always loved the under dog in stories. There has always been something so fascinating to me about the "little guy" who triumphs over adversity. Look at David and Goliath. The smaller guy topples the giant. Or the Spartans, who had 300 men that fought against a 1,000 men. Those stories are entertaining and great. But you know, we can actually learn a lot from them too.
How many times in your life have you felt like David? How many times have you felt like you were facing a 1,000 problems at once? If you are anything like me, I'm sure you felt like that more times then you care to count. The real problem that stops us from victory isn't actually in the odds, or in the fact that we don't have a Hollywood writer coming up with some clever way for us to achieve greatness. Nope. The problem isn't even "size". Not even close. The problem is our mind set.
Often times we "super size" our problems. And as we try to battle these make believe giants, we lose our natural ability to flow through and around them. This also makes the problems seem even bigger and us seem that much smaller.
Look at nature. When a plant is fluid and "soft", it is able to bend with the conditions that it is surrounded by. Wind does not break it. Why? Because it remains soft. It gives and flows with every breeze. But when the plant starts to harden, it breaks and it eventually dies. As humans age, we become less flexible. Both in body and in mind. (Especially when it comes to change!) And after we harden, we die.
David didn't beat Goliath because he tried to out muscle him. If David tried to meet force with force, he would of lost, big time! David won because he was flexible. He adapted to the circumstance that he was in. David, like the Spartans, abandoned what many of us do every day: He didn't hold on. He didn't cling to the idea of winning or losing. David simply flowed and let nature take it's coarse. That brings us to the second "problem" area where we tend to "shrink" ourselves: Holding on.
If you stop and think about it, you have nothing that you can hold on to forever. You can get laid off from your job or kicked out of school. Your bank account can be drained. Your car can break down. Your house can be robbed or burned down. Your friends and family can die. Your reputation can be tarnished by others. Your physical body can become ill. And of coarse in life, no one gets out alive. Now I'm not telling you this to upset you. Actually, if you think about it, it should ease your mind. Why worry about these "Goliath" things? Why hold on to them? There is a big difference between real problems and the ones that we manifest in our own mind. If we truly have nothing, then there aren't too many Goliaths then. And by consequence, we aren't that small.
We are all guilty of "making mountains out of mole hills". (I know I am.) But it's really when we become ridged and try to hold on to things that we can't control do we lose control. We lose to ourselves before we lose to anyone or anything else. It's a natural side effect to inflexibility. When I teach martial arts, I tell my students to never meet force or opposition with force. Instead, flow with it and redirect it. And at the proper time, counter. This is a universal principle to over coming any adversary. Whatever form it takes. Try it. If you do, I promise you'll see the "under dog" win.
Don't wait for love my friends, become it. ----- The Kung Fu Monk
I've always loved the under dog in stories. There has always been something so fascinating to me about the "little guy" who triumphs over adversity. Look at David and Goliath. The smaller guy topples the giant. Or the Spartans, who had 300 men that fought against a 1,000 men. Those stories are entertaining and great. But you know, we can actually learn a lot from them too.
How many times in your life have you felt like David? How many times have you felt like you were facing a 1,000 problems at once? If you are anything like me, I'm sure you felt like that more times then you care to count. The real problem that stops us from victory isn't actually in the odds, or in the fact that we don't have a Hollywood writer coming up with some clever way for us to achieve greatness. Nope. The problem isn't even "size". Not even close. The problem is our mind set.
Often times we "super size" our problems. And as we try to battle these make believe giants, we lose our natural ability to flow through and around them. This also makes the problems seem even bigger and us seem that much smaller.
Look at nature. When a plant is fluid and "soft", it is able to bend with the conditions that it is surrounded by. Wind does not break it. Why? Because it remains soft. It gives and flows with every breeze. But when the plant starts to harden, it breaks and it eventually dies. As humans age, we become less flexible. Both in body and in mind. (Especially when it comes to change!) And after we harden, we die.
David didn't beat Goliath because he tried to out muscle him. If David tried to meet force with force, he would of lost, big time! David won because he was flexible. He adapted to the circumstance that he was in. David, like the Spartans, abandoned what many of us do every day: He didn't hold on. He didn't cling to the idea of winning or losing. David simply flowed and let nature take it's coarse. That brings us to the second "problem" area where we tend to "shrink" ourselves: Holding on.
If you stop and think about it, you have nothing that you can hold on to forever. You can get laid off from your job or kicked out of school. Your bank account can be drained. Your car can break down. Your house can be robbed or burned down. Your friends and family can die. Your reputation can be tarnished by others. Your physical body can become ill. And of coarse in life, no one gets out alive. Now I'm not telling you this to upset you. Actually, if you think about it, it should ease your mind. Why worry about these "Goliath" things? Why hold on to them? There is a big difference between real problems and the ones that we manifest in our own mind. If we truly have nothing, then there aren't too many Goliaths then. And by consequence, we aren't that small.
We are all guilty of "making mountains out of mole hills". (I know I am.) But it's really when we become ridged and try to hold on to things that we can't control do we lose control. We lose to ourselves before we lose to anyone or anything else. It's a natural side effect to inflexibility. When I teach martial arts, I tell my students to never meet force or opposition with force. Instead, flow with it and redirect it. And at the proper time, counter. This is a universal principle to over coming any adversary. Whatever form it takes. Try it. If you do, I promise you'll see the "under dog" win.
Don't wait for love my friends, become it. ----- The Kung Fu Monk
Friday, July 1, 2011
The Only Opponet
"The great mistake is to anticipate the out come of the engagement". - Bruce Lee
So many times we concern ourselves with either keeping up with or being better then the other person. Be it in the gym, in trying to win someones affection, or having the nicer car, and so on and so forth. My question is why?
Because I like you guys so much, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. This secret really shouldn't be a secret at all, it should be obvious. But because we get so caught up in the anxiety of competing with others, we lose sight of this obvious fact: The only person you should ever compete with is you!
Whatever "qualities" or material items or titles someone else has- has zero baring on you! People change nothing about you. That means that they can neither add to or take away from all that you are and have. If you are upset that some girl is thinner then you or some guy has bigger muscles then you, the fact remains that the only thing that is truly affected is your mind and the perception of yourself. To invoke envy, jealous, or self doubt are side effects that you, yourself, have empowered that person with. The one who has control, in realty, is you! That means, the master of yourself, has been and always will be YOU!
How many times have you looked out your window in traffic and wished that you had that nicer car that is beside you? How many times have you felt like you had to compete with some person to "win" the affection of another? These are all natural feelings, I'll give you that, but we don't have to feel them. I know what you're thinking: "Well, Kung Fu Monk, how do I stop feeling like that?' Simple. But difficult. At first.
Ask yourself this: Am I really being the best person I can be? Be it in the gym, with your diet, spouse, at work, with education, so on and so forth. If the answer is yes, then keep doing what you are doing. Because I assure you, you are headed in the right direction. If you said, no, then ask yourself where it is you feel you can do better. Formulate a plan to improve the areas where you are self conscience. Again, you are the master of yourself! No one else is!
Too many times we look for reassurance that we are smart enough, strong enough, or good looking enough, from other people. I have many female friends who ever so often confide in me that they feel that they will never find the person that they will marry. Or they may ask me, "Why doesn't he like me?" My answer is, if you want to be loved or respected, you must first love and respect yourself. If you want love, you must be love. If you want strength or "power", you must first become those things. And at the proper time, you will attract what you are seeking. But the funny thing is, those things, or people we sought, were always there, inside of us. A beautiful flower must first begin with a seed of beauty. The seed does not worry about how big or beautiful the tree next to it is. Nor does it worry about attracting the sunshine or rain. It simply does its best to blossom.
We all must step back from moment to moment and examine our growth and realize that we are each perfectly designed. From the apple seed, to the tree, to the clouds, all is perfectly designed. So are each of us. Know that you are powerful. Know that the only competition in reality is the contest that you must participate in with yourself. It's really not about anyone else. It's your life. And if you live your best, then you will have what is best, for you. We must cultivate a mindfulness of who we really are and strive to be better. For ourselves, our friends, and family. And we must accept that we are complete people. No one else or thing completes you. You are already whole. Everything else is simply around you. What is in is in. What is outside is outside. This is the true nature of existence.
Remember- Be your best, not anyone else's best. Become the qualities that you look to in others. And believe in yourself. I promise you, if you do, not only will you blossom, you will nourish others around you. And that, my friends, is truly beautiful.
Sincerely, The Kung Fu Monk.
So many times we concern ourselves with either keeping up with or being better then the other person. Be it in the gym, in trying to win someones affection, or having the nicer car, and so on and so forth. My question is why?
Because I like you guys so much, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. This secret really shouldn't be a secret at all, it should be obvious. But because we get so caught up in the anxiety of competing with others, we lose sight of this obvious fact: The only person you should ever compete with is you!
Whatever "qualities" or material items or titles someone else has- has zero baring on you! People change nothing about you. That means that they can neither add to or take away from all that you are and have. If you are upset that some girl is thinner then you or some guy has bigger muscles then you, the fact remains that the only thing that is truly affected is your mind and the perception of yourself. To invoke envy, jealous, or self doubt are side effects that you, yourself, have empowered that person with. The one who has control, in realty, is you! That means, the master of yourself, has been and always will be YOU!
How many times have you looked out your window in traffic and wished that you had that nicer car that is beside you? How many times have you felt like you had to compete with some person to "win" the affection of another? These are all natural feelings, I'll give you that, but we don't have to feel them. I know what you're thinking: "Well, Kung Fu Monk, how do I stop feeling like that?' Simple. But difficult. At first.
Ask yourself this: Am I really being the best person I can be? Be it in the gym, with your diet, spouse, at work, with education, so on and so forth. If the answer is yes, then keep doing what you are doing. Because I assure you, you are headed in the right direction. If you said, no, then ask yourself where it is you feel you can do better. Formulate a plan to improve the areas where you are self conscience. Again, you are the master of yourself! No one else is!
Too many times we look for reassurance that we are smart enough, strong enough, or good looking enough, from other people. I have many female friends who ever so often confide in me that they feel that they will never find the person that they will marry. Or they may ask me, "Why doesn't he like me?" My answer is, if you want to be loved or respected, you must first love and respect yourself. If you want love, you must be love. If you want strength or "power", you must first become those things. And at the proper time, you will attract what you are seeking. But the funny thing is, those things, or people we sought, were always there, inside of us. A beautiful flower must first begin with a seed of beauty. The seed does not worry about how big or beautiful the tree next to it is. Nor does it worry about attracting the sunshine or rain. It simply does its best to blossom.
We all must step back from moment to moment and examine our growth and realize that we are each perfectly designed. From the apple seed, to the tree, to the clouds, all is perfectly designed. So are each of us. Know that you are powerful. Know that the only competition in reality is the contest that you must participate in with yourself. It's really not about anyone else. It's your life. And if you live your best, then you will have what is best, for you. We must cultivate a mindfulness of who we really are and strive to be better. For ourselves, our friends, and family. And we must accept that we are complete people. No one else or thing completes you. You are already whole. Everything else is simply around you. What is in is in. What is outside is outside. This is the true nature of existence.
Remember- Be your best, not anyone else's best. Become the qualities that you look to in others. And believe in yourself. I promise you, if you do, not only will you blossom, you will nourish others around you. And that, my friends, is truly beautiful.
Sincerely, The Kung Fu Monk.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Intolerance, Fighting, and Flying
Recently, I came under a little fire for some remarks I made on a my personal social networking site. One of my remarks was that I openly support equal rights for same sex couples. Now, I myself, am a straight man. Just so you know I'm not playing favorites.
Now this blog is about living a zen life. It's not where I preach at you or try to cram my beliefs down your throat. Uh uh. It's about encouragement. It's about growing. It's about you becoming a better you. I don't argue over who's god is better or who's holy and who's not. Why? Because it's not relevant. Really. But after some Christian folks spoke up and made it be known that they didn't agree with gays (and basically equal rights) I got to thinking. And meditating. Actually I planted 50 flowers and three bushes in my yard as I meditated. I meditated about intolerance. Here's what I came up with. You can apply this to many groups and many situations.
The Problem
Often times when we, as human beings, see something strange or different, our instinct is to either run away or destroy it. We either break contact and alienate that strange thing or person, or we turn to violence. Why? Why do we do that? What is it in us that makes us act that way? Is it some sort of instinctual self preservation? Why don't we actually stop and maybe ask some questions?
Next-
When we make an effort to try to understand something, not only does it become less scary, but we grow. Now this is true and can be seen all through world history.
In the United States, once upon a time, women were not allowed to vote. They were seen as sub standard to men. (Which IS crazy. I love women.) Or how about slavery? Just because someone is a different color then you doesn't mean they are less of a person. Now my Christian friends swear up and down that homosexuals are somehow wrong. (Whatever your beliefs are- just follow me for a minute. You may cock your head to the side.)
I have to pose some questions. If people are born gay or straight, how is that different then being born a different color or gender,besides the obvious to you smart people? We didn't get to pick WHAT we are. We decide WHO we are.
Next, is it possible that some people are hiding their prejudice behind a book or a god? Is it too far off to believe that people harbor these prejudices because deep down they are merely afraid of something they don't understand? And they are using religion to justify their own fearful prejudices? If so, what a hugh knock to God and to their doctrine. Sure doesn't make me want to go to temple with them.
Defining Life
Now one of my favorite quotes is, "God made life and only He gets to define it." But what does that mean? Clearly if we look around we see all kinds of different. All kinds of life! Different shapes and colors of people, with different tastes and feelings. We see different kinds of animals, kinds of trees, grass, clouds, and even different kinds of water! Not to mention my favorite: different flavors of ice cream! Yum! So if God's defining life, He must be a fan of variety. So with all of the variety on the earth, and in the universe for that matter, why are we still uncomfortable with each other? And besides, doesn't everything in nature have a purpose? I know people do!
Build a Community, not a Cult.
I'm a firm believer in building a community. Building a community makes many cool things happen. First, we get to know people! People who may look a little different then us, or who have different hobbies. All kinds of things. Next we get to learn from them. And they in turn get to know and learn stuff from us. We also get a chance to help one another. And there is no higher calling then service.
Something funny also happens when we put differences aside and learn, we begin to lose our fear! We start to understand each other and our place in the world. And no one's place is any greater then anyone else's. Despite what some people would have you believe.
Now I harped on equal rights alot, I know. And for the record, I'm not knocking Christians. I am one. Just maybe not your kind of Christian. And that's okay. Maybe your not either. That's okay too. There are many paths to the same destination. And I don't mean hell.
In order for a future to be possible, we have to just try our best to treat people like we want to be treated. We can't hide from our fears or continue to wage war based on ignorance and biases. We have to keep in mind that everyone, every single one of us, has two common desires: We all want to feel successful and we all want to be loved. Period. Don't care who you are. Even the most dastardly person desires those things. Patience breeds understanding. Understanding breeds love. Now I want each of you to run outside and meet your neighbor! Tell them the Kung Fu Monk sent ya! (Hey. I'm a great ice breaker!)
Now this blog is about living a zen life. It's not where I preach at you or try to cram my beliefs down your throat. Uh uh. It's about encouragement. It's about growing. It's about you becoming a better you. I don't argue over who's god is better or who's holy and who's not. Why? Because it's not relevant. Really. But after some Christian folks spoke up and made it be known that they didn't agree with gays (and basically equal rights) I got to thinking. And meditating. Actually I planted 50 flowers and three bushes in my yard as I meditated. I meditated about intolerance. Here's what I came up with. You can apply this to many groups and many situations.
The Problem
Often times when we, as human beings, see something strange or different, our instinct is to either run away or destroy it. We either break contact and alienate that strange thing or person, or we turn to violence. Why? Why do we do that? What is it in us that makes us act that way? Is it some sort of instinctual self preservation? Why don't we actually stop and maybe ask some questions?
Next-
When we make an effort to try to understand something, not only does it become less scary, but we grow. Now this is true and can be seen all through world history.
In the United States, once upon a time, women were not allowed to vote. They were seen as sub standard to men. (Which IS crazy. I love women.) Or how about slavery? Just because someone is a different color then you doesn't mean they are less of a person. Now my Christian friends swear up and down that homosexuals are somehow wrong. (Whatever your beliefs are- just follow me for a minute. You may cock your head to the side.)
I have to pose some questions. If people are born gay or straight, how is that different then being born a different color or gender,besides the obvious to you smart people? We didn't get to pick WHAT we are. We decide WHO we are.
Next, is it possible that some people are hiding their prejudice behind a book or a god? Is it too far off to believe that people harbor these prejudices because deep down they are merely afraid of something they don't understand? And they are using religion to justify their own fearful prejudices? If so, what a hugh knock to God and to their doctrine. Sure doesn't make me want to go to temple with them.
Defining Life
Now one of my favorite quotes is, "God made life and only He gets to define it." But what does that mean? Clearly if we look around we see all kinds of different. All kinds of life! Different shapes and colors of people, with different tastes and feelings. We see different kinds of animals, kinds of trees, grass, clouds, and even different kinds of water! Not to mention my favorite: different flavors of ice cream! Yum! So if God's defining life, He must be a fan of variety. So with all of the variety on the earth, and in the universe for that matter, why are we still uncomfortable with each other? And besides, doesn't everything in nature have a purpose? I know people do!
Build a Community, not a Cult.
I'm a firm believer in building a community. Building a community makes many cool things happen. First, we get to know people! People who may look a little different then us, or who have different hobbies. All kinds of things. Next we get to learn from them. And they in turn get to know and learn stuff from us. We also get a chance to help one another. And there is no higher calling then service.
Something funny also happens when we put differences aside and learn, we begin to lose our fear! We start to understand each other and our place in the world. And no one's place is any greater then anyone else's. Despite what some people would have you believe.
Now I harped on equal rights alot, I know. And for the record, I'm not knocking Christians. I am one. Just maybe not your kind of Christian. And that's okay. Maybe your not either. That's okay too. There are many paths to the same destination. And I don't mean hell.
In order for a future to be possible, we have to just try our best to treat people like we want to be treated. We can't hide from our fears or continue to wage war based on ignorance and biases. We have to keep in mind that everyone, every single one of us, has two common desires: We all want to feel successful and we all want to be loved. Period. Don't care who you are. Even the most dastardly person desires those things. Patience breeds understanding. Understanding breeds love. Now I want each of you to run outside and meet your neighbor! Tell them the Kung Fu Monk sent ya! (Hey. I'm a great ice breaker!)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The Keys to Motivation
After many of you have asked me how to get motivated, here are some simple suggestions.
I can't honestly write a motivation story for each of you. That would be impossible and frankly I don't have the time. (You will see why in a moment). But what I can do is this: I can tell you what I'm doing and give you a guide that you can tailor to your own life.
It's 4 AM and the alarm clock sounds. (Which has to be the worst noise on the planet, second only to Fran Dressher's laugh.) I peel back the covers and put my feet on the floor. I stagger out of the bed room and go into my dojo. This morning's workout is appropriately titled, "the Spartacus Workout". It's the same workout used by Andy Whitfield from his, Spartacus: Blood and Sand, filming days. After going through every vomit inducing exercise, I have 15 minutes to shower, shave, and down a protein drink. Next, I'm dressed out to complete a 12 hour fun filled shift at work. Wish I could tell you I was working on Spartacus, but I'm not. I'm going to my meager paying job. You know the kind. The one that actually pays the rent.
6 pm. Home just in time to get ready to teach an hour and a half long martial arts class. And I know I've had plenty to eat, because I have logged in every food that I've ingested today into my handy "meal calculator". Now to most of you, that probably doesn't sound like a lot of fun. In fact, you'd probably describe it as, nauseating, exhausting, insane, and well, just plain nuts. Well, it's ALL of those things. But I'm getting ready to film a project this summer that makes it mandatory that I be in "Hollywood shape". Why? Because I'm motivated.
So, I'm sure you're wondering if this little story is suppose to help inspire and motivate you. Nope. It's not. It's to show you what you can do IF you get motivated. Well, how do I do that, Kung Fu Monk? I'm glad you asked.
Let's start with the first key to motivation: Have a goal.
Whether it's to get into those pants you wore in high school or to get into someone else's, uh,hum. You have to have a goal. For me, I have to be in super shape to do a film. That's my goal, at this time. Because hey, goals change.
Second: you have to have desire.
What desire means in this sense is simply, you really, really, want to accomplish this goal. Whatever your goal is, insert here. I want to be in shape to play this role in this film. I want to inspire people and motivate people the way that other actors have inspired me. To do this and work a full time and part time job, it is essential that I-
Be prepared. So many people who try to eat right or work out or be a better this or that forget this essential key to motivation. You can have the first two down to a science and still not ever get your ass off the couch to do what you set out to do. This is called, setting yourself up for failure. If you want to eat right, then you have to start the day before and prepare your meals for tomorrow. And when tomorrow comes, you have everything you need to eat right. If you are trying to loose weight, write down your complete routine(s) for the entire week, including the times you will be training. If you want to pass that big test, you have to study, right?
Lastly, and certainly the back bone of motivation: have confidence. I tell my students every week, whatever you do, do it with confidence. No matter if you believe that you can do it or do it well, be confident.
Whatever you are trying to motivate yourself to do, make little reminders of the goal at hand. If you are trying to be more fit, have a picture of your favorite fit celebrity somewhere where you will see it. Or, watch one of their films. If you are trying to be more present in your child or spouse's life, then try to hold an image of them in your mind through out the day. The best motivation on the planet, I believe, is really believing in your heart that the best goal you can set and be motivated to accomplish, is simply, being your best. Take pride in yourself, in whatever you do. Love yourself and those around you. Long term or short term goals, I promise, you can and will get motivated to go after if you apply this method. Again- Set a goal, have the desire to reach it, prepare for it, and have confidence. So say, the Kung Fu Monk.
I can't honestly write a motivation story for each of you. That would be impossible and frankly I don't have the time. (You will see why in a moment). But what I can do is this: I can tell you what I'm doing and give you a guide that you can tailor to your own life.
It's 4 AM and the alarm clock sounds. (Which has to be the worst noise on the planet, second only to Fran Dressher's laugh.) I peel back the covers and put my feet on the floor. I stagger out of the bed room and go into my dojo. This morning's workout is appropriately titled, "the Spartacus Workout". It's the same workout used by Andy Whitfield from his, Spartacus: Blood and Sand, filming days. After going through every vomit inducing exercise, I have 15 minutes to shower, shave, and down a protein drink. Next, I'm dressed out to complete a 12 hour fun filled shift at work. Wish I could tell you I was working on Spartacus, but I'm not. I'm going to my meager paying job. You know the kind. The one that actually pays the rent.
6 pm. Home just in time to get ready to teach an hour and a half long martial arts class. And I know I've had plenty to eat, because I have logged in every food that I've ingested today into my handy "meal calculator". Now to most of you, that probably doesn't sound like a lot of fun. In fact, you'd probably describe it as, nauseating, exhausting, insane, and well, just plain nuts. Well, it's ALL of those things. But I'm getting ready to film a project this summer that makes it mandatory that I be in "Hollywood shape". Why? Because I'm motivated.
So, I'm sure you're wondering if this little story is suppose to help inspire and motivate you. Nope. It's not. It's to show you what you can do IF you get motivated. Well, how do I do that, Kung Fu Monk? I'm glad you asked.
Let's start with the first key to motivation: Have a goal.
Whether it's to get into those pants you wore in high school or to get into someone else's, uh,hum. You have to have a goal. For me, I have to be in super shape to do a film. That's my goal, at this time. Because hey, goals change.
Second: you have to have desire.
What desire means in this sense is simply, you really, really, want to accomplish this goal. Whatever your goal is, insert here. I want to be in shape to play this role in this film. I want to inspire people and motivate people the way that other actors have inspired me. To do this and work a full time and part time job, it is essential that I-
Be prepared. So many people who try to eat right or work out or be a better this or that forget this essential key to motivation. You can have the first two down to a science and still not ever get your ass off the couch to do what you set out to do. This is called, setting yourself up for failure. If you want to eat right, then you have to start the day before and prepare your meals for tomorrow. And when tomorrow comes, you have everything you need to eat right. If you are trying to loose weight, write down your complete routine(s) for the entire week, including the times you will be training. If you want to pass that big test, you have to study, right?
Lastly, and certainly the back bone of motivation: have confidence. I tell my students every week, whatever you do, do it with confidence. No matter if you believe that you can do it or do it well, be confident.
Whatever you are trying to motivate yourself to do, make little reminders of the goal at hand. If you are trying to be more fit, have a picture of your favorite fit celebrity somewhere where you will see it. Or, watch one of their films. If you are trying to be more present in your child or spouse's life, then try to hold an image of them in your mind through out the day. The best motivation on the planet, I believe, is really believing in your heart that the best goal you can set and be motivated to accomplish, is simply, being your best. Take pride in yourself, in whatever you do. Love yourself and those around you. Long term or short term goals, I promise, you can and will get motivated to go after if you apply this method. Again- Set a goal, have the desire to reach it, prepare for it, and have confidence. So say, the Kung Fu Monk.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Why be Happy Now When I Can Put it Off Till Tomorrow?
"Happiness is a choice."
Something just felt different. In fact, it has been different for some time. Maybe it was me. Did I do something wrong? Was there someone else? Was it, like the song goes, the thrill gone? Facing the fact that I wasn't bringing much money into the house, (in fact my girlfriend who is a school teacher is making more then me) I looked over at my girlfriend and asked her what was wrong. I continued to ask all of the "is it me, is it you, is it us, questions." Ever play that game? It's awkward.
Much to my surprise, I was wrong on all accounts. There was no one else, it was not me, or even anything to do with us. But the weird feeling that I got from my long time spouse was there. What it was was merely a reflection of her personal stress. And it was there because of... well... really... a choice.
My girlfriend worked very hard to become a teacher. She worked odd jobs and took all the necessary classes and tests to obtain her teaching license. I can remember watching her come home from work and immediately dive into studying for her licensing tests. She spent hours and hours preparing. And she also spent hours and hours agonizing about getting a job in the school system. The economy in our state, as with just about any place, for lack of a better word: sucks.
Finally, after meeting all the requirements, she fulfilled her dream of being a teacher. She is in her second year of teaching now. And she is again stressed. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that her stress never left. As she and I spoke more in depth, she told me how stressed out she was that her job may be cut next school year. And she was worried about being unemployed.
Now to most people, especially now a days, this stress seems absolutely normal. Notice how I said, most people. I, my friends, am not most people. (Please, no comments from those who know me.) When I heard her utter this worry I didn't know if I should laugh or be genuinely sorry for her. Have I lost you yet? No worries. Follow me on this...
Essentially, what my girlfriend inadvertently told me was that her happiness has been overcome by stress. And that stress never stopped. Even in the wake of getting what she thought she wanted, she was still stressed out. No break, no holiday from stress. Nope. Just a bunch of worry where happiness should be.
Do you do that? Do you find yourself stressing to obtain something? Sounds something like: "I'll be happy when I get this fill in the blank." And then when you get it, do you stress about keeping it? Or maybe you stress out that what you got wasn't what you expected or how you expected it to be. Well, if all of that is true, why?- It's human nature. Or more accurately, a learned response.
People tend to delay their own happiness!
Now read the previous sentence out loud! People tend to delay their own happiness. What? Why? That's crazy talk, right? Wrong. It's a fact. Think about it. How many times have you said or thought things like, "I'll be happy when I buy that house. I'll be happy when I have a new car. I'll be happy when I get that job or that girl or that guy or blah, blah, blah!" You've done it. Admit it! I've done it. We've all done it. We are making a choice. And for what ever bone headed reason, we are choosing to delay our happiness. We are putting our happiness into the future. Kind of like putting an event down in your calender, we do the same thing with our happiness. (Hmm, note to self: March 1st- 1pm- be happy then.)
WHY WE DO IT:
Why procrastinate our own happiness? Simple. We, as human beings, have fantasies. And I don't mean the naked kind. We, in our minds, have a specific belief of how we feel our lives should be. Or how we can make them be that by attaining something or someone. This is desire. Again, not the naked kind. Desire is wanting. Wanting is suffering. Suffering, you guessed it, trumps happiness. It is impossible to be truly happy and want something in the same moment. Oh, and that's merely half of it kiddies, hold on! When we actually attain that thing or person that we wanted, guess what? It is never exactly how we imagined it! Think about it. Even your dream job will have days that, well, suck. Even that hot model girlfriend will be a bitch sometimes. And because of that, we aren't satisfied or happy! And then, get ready, the cycle repeats itself! We look for the NEXT BIG THING! ( Or thang, as I like to call it.) Or worse: we worry about keeping what we have! I did that, a long time ago, with a girlfriend. I thought this girl was the one. The one who could make me happy. Soon after we started dating, I thought more about losing her then I did loving her. And guess what... I lost her. (In my defense, she was the hot girl, who in fact, was a high maintance bitch. Just saying for the record.)
BEING HAPPY NOW
So, if you think about it... you, me, the man in the tree, we all have put off our happiness at some point. And now you are conscious of how we do it. How do we end it? Mindfulness. We need to be mindful of where we are and be alright with it. Now, I don't like being unemployed, but I know, deep down, that it's temporary. But I'm not going to say, I'll be happy when I'm working again. No. I'm saying, I'm happy now. And I know my actions today will lead to another job tomorrow. Every choice or action right now, dictates quite a lot for tomorrow. Based on that, why put your mind anywhere else but right here and right now? Stop telling yourself things like that, "things aren't how I planned them." No kidding. Things... never - will - be! Whether you believe in a purpose, a higher power, or people just manifested out of thin air, you can believe that your life, now, is special. Always has been, always will be. You can be happy just to be alive. Don't worry so much about tomorrow. It might not come. This moment, is all you have. Be happy that you can use it to make a positive impact on others and you can influence your own tomorrow. If it comes. Paradise is a matter of perception. Food for thought from the Kung Fu Monk.. Hi-yay!
Something just felt different. In fact, it has been different for some time. Maybe it was me. Did I do something wrong? Was there someone else? Was it, like the song goes, the thrill gone? Facing the fact that I wasn't bringing much money into the house, (in fact my girlfriend who is a school teacher is making more then me) I looked over at my girlfriend and asked her what was wrong. I continued to ask all of the "is it me, is it you, is it us, questions." Ever play that game? It's awkward.
Much to my surprise, I was wrong on all accounts. There was no one else, it was not me, or even anything to do with us. But the weird feeling that I got from my long time spouse was there. What it was was merely a reflection of her personal stress. And it was there because of... well... really... a choice.
My girlfriend worked very hard to become a teacher. She worked odd jobs and took all the necessary classes and tests to obtain her teaching license. I can remember watching her come home from work and immediately dive into studying for her licensing tests. She spent hours and hours preparing. And she also spent hours and hours agonizing about getting a job in the school system. The economy in our state, as with just about any place, for lack of a better word: sucks.
Finally, after meeting all the requirements, she fulfilled her dream of being a teacher. She is in her second year of teaching now. And she is again stressed. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that her stress never left. As she and I spoke more in depth, she told me how stressed out she was that her job may be cut next school year. And she was worried about being unemployed.
Now to most people, especially now a days, this stress seems absolutely normal. Notice how I said, most people. I, my friends, am not most people. (Please, no comments from those who know me.) When I heard her utter this worry I didn't know if I should laugh or be genuinely sorry for her. Have I lost you yet? No worries. Follow me on this...
Essentially, what my girlfriend inadvertently told me was that her happiness has been overcome by stress. And that stress never stopped. Even in the wake of getting what she thought she wanted, she was still stressed out. No break, no holiday from stress. Nope. Just a bunch of worry where happiness should be.
Do you do that? Do you find yourself stressing to obtain something? Sounds something like: "I'll be happy when I get this fill in the blank." And then when you get it, do you stress about keeping it? Or maybe you stress out that what you got wasn't what you expected or how you expected it to be. Well, if all of that is true, why?- It's human nature. Or more accurately, a learned response.
People tend to delay their own happiness!
Now read the previous sentence out loud! People tend to delay their own happiness. What? Why? That's crazy talk, right? Wrong. It's a fact. Think about it. How many times have you said or thought things like, "I'll be happy when I buy that house. I'll be happy when I have a new car. I'll be happy when I get that job or that girl or that guy or blah, blah, blah!" You've done it. Admit it! I've done it. We've all done it. We are making a choice. And for what ever bone headed reason, we are choosing to delay our happiness. We are putting our happiness into the future. Kind of like putting an event down in your calender, we do the same thing with our happiness. (Hmm, note to self: March 1st- 1pm- be happy then.)
WHY WE DO IT:
Why procrastinate our own happiness? Simple. We, as human beings, have fantasies. And I don't mean the naked kind. We, in our minds, have a specific belief of how we feel our lives should be. Or how we can make them be that by attaining something or someone. This is desire. Again, not the naked kind. Desire is wanting. Wanting is suffering. Suffering, you guessed it, trumps happiness. It is impossible to be truly happy and want something in the same moment. Oh, and that's merely half of it kiddies, hold on! When we actually attain that thing or person that we wanted, guess what? It is never exactly how we imagined it! Think about it. Even your dream job will have days that, well, suck. Even that hot model girlfriend will be a bitch sometimes. And because of that, we aren't satisfied or happy! And then, get ready, the cycle repeats itself! We look for the NEXT BIG THING! ( Or thang, as I like to call it.) Or worse: we worry about keeping what we have! I did that, a long time ago, with a girlfriend. I thought this girl was the one. The one who could make me happy. Soon after we started dating, I thought more about losing her then I did loving her. And guess what... I lost her. (In my defense, she was the hot girl, who in fact, was a high maintance bitch. Just saying for the record.)
BEING HAPPY NOW
So, if you think about it... you, me, the man in the tree, we all have put off our happiness at some point. And now you are conscious of how we do it. How do we end it? Mindfulness. We need to be mindful of where we are and be alright with it. Now, I don't like being unemployed, but I know, deep down, that it's temporary. But I'm not going to say, I'll be happy when I'm working again. No. I'm saying, I'm happy now. And I know my actions today will lead to another job tomorrow. Every choice or action right now, dictates quite a lot for tomorrow. Based on that, why put your mind anywhere else but right here and right now? Stop telling yourself things like that, "things aren't how I planned them." No kidding. Things... never - will - be! Whether you believe in a purpose, a higher power, or people just manifested out of thin air, you can believe that your life, now, is special. Always has been, always will be. You can be happy just to be alive. Don't worry so much about tomorrow. It might not come. This moment, is all you have. Be happy that you can use it to make a positive impact on others and you can influence your own tomorrow. If it comes. Paradise is a matter of perception. Food for thought from the Kung Fu Monk.. Hi-yay!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Sailing the Sea of Emotion
"Emotion can be the enemy... The 'moment' has not yesterday or tomorrow. It is not the result of thought and, therefore, has not time." - Bruce Lee, Tao of Jeet Kune Do
Have you ever had a bad day? I mean a really lousy day. The kind of day that when it was over, you went home, and you replayed it in your mind again and again. Maybe your boss got upset with you and made you feel inferior. Maybe you and your spouse or friend had a heated argument. Or maybe you had an opportunity to be courageous but just couldn't find the courage. Have you ever had that kind of day? Sure you have. We all have. But how long did that moment last for you? I mean really last. In all reality it should of ended when you were separated from the situation. Right? Of coarse, it should of. But did it?
Now, I want you to remember having one of those days you just read about. Not the bad day itself, but the thought process you used that day. I want you to remember how that day made you feel and remember how long you carried that feeling around. When you got home that day, did you sit in your favorite chair and think about it? Or maybe you paced the room for a while, contemplating every word that was said and replaying the entire incident. (Only this time, you said the things you wanted to say and did the things you wanted to do, no matter how out there they may be). Did you talk about it at dinner? Or maybe you rolled around in bed that night... replaying, replaying, replaying: What you did do- What you should of done- Blah, blah, blah. All the while, the emotion that stirred inside you during the incident began to swell in you again like a giant wave as you "relived" that moment.
I know what your thinking. 'Yes, Kung Fu Monk, I'm guilty of that. So, what wise Kung Fu Zen words do you have?" I'm so glad you asked, dear reader. Now, even with all my mystical powers, that I don't have, I can't stop you from having bad days. Shocking, I know. But I can help you end those moments faster then you can say, Judo chop! And ending them quickly will help you regain your happiness, quickly. Now let's step back and take a look at what's going on, on the internal level, shall we?
THOUGHT CAN TRANSCEND INTO EMOTION.
When we think a thought, such as a memory or fantasy, we can automatically evoke emotion. This principle can be a pleasurable one if we are thinking good thoughts or thinking about good memories. However, this is a two way street. Just like it feels good to think "happy thoughts", we can also manifest stress, anger, or sadness when we think about less positive events. Why? Simple.
Thoughts are like clouds passing through the mind. They aren't tangible to touch. Often though, as a thought comes into our mind, we let our heart grab onto the thought. And as soon as we do this, we evoke the associated emotion and that emotion latches onto the thought. And when we allow the heart to attach the emotion, we give our thought power. And much like water circling the drain, we find ourselves swept up in a sea of emotion. Consequently, you transport yourself back to that moment that you are thinking of.
Chew on it for a minute. If something made you very angry through the coarse of your day, and you think about it, don't you become angry all over again? So how do we stop this? It's very simple... but very difficult. (Kind of like marriage or juggling chainsaws). You just have to apply the right antidote. We have to be mindful of where we are right now, and the moment that we are in- right now! When I start replaying my day like a bad movie in my mind, I stop myself. I say to myself, "Kung Fu Monk, where are you? What time is it?" I then say to myself, "I am right HERE! And the time is right NOW!" That brings me back to where I'm suppose to be. Present in my own life. I stop "living" in the past or in a phantom memory that didn't happen. I mentally recognize that that moment is over. It is now non existent. I am here. No need to be anywhere else. Especially, in the past. This mental application was very helpful to me after my mother died.
When we get lost in our memories or thoughts of yesterday (Or ten minutes ago), we often attach emotions. And those emotions rob us of our lives. Our mind can put us emotionally in a bad place and that often disrupts our lives and the lives of those around us. Being alive and being you are blessings that are meant to be lived in joy. Not anger or delusion. (Even if you are standing in line at the D.M.V.). You are in the driver's seat of your mind. You can steer it backward or forward. You can enjoy the freedom of being in the here and now. Or you can give your thoughts your emotional power. So be mindful of where you are and what time it is. Remember how our minds can empower our feelings. Leave the past in the past. Your power is in the present. And your future depends on it. (But don't worry about the future. It hasn't arrived yet). Happy dance.
Have you ever had a bad day? I mean a really lousy day. The kind of day that when it was over, you went home, and you replayed it in your mind again and again. Maybe your boss got upset with you and made you feel inferior. Maybe you and your spouse or friend had a heated argument. Or maybe you had an opportunity to be courageous but just couldn't find the courage. Have you ever had that kind of day? Sure you have. We all have. But how long did that moment last for you? I mean really last. In all reality it should of ended when you were separated from the situation. Right? Of coarse, it should of. But did it?
Now, I want you to remember having one of those days you just read about. Not the bad day itself, but the thought process you used that day. I want you to remember how that day made you feel and remember how long you carried that feeling around. When you got home that day, did you sit in your favorite chair and think about it? Or maybe you paced the room for a while, contemplating every word that was said and replaying the entire incident. (Only this time, you said the things you wanted to say and did the things you wanted to do, no matter how out there they may be). Did you talk about it at dinner? Or maybe you rolled around in bed that night... replaying, replaying, replaying: What you did do- What you should of done- Blah, blah, blah. All the while, the emotion that stirred inside you during the incident began to swell in you again like a giant wave as you "relived" that moment.
I know what your thinking. 'Yes, Kung Fu Monk, I'm guilty of that. So, what wise Kung Fu Zen words do you have?" I'm so glad you asked, dear reader. Now, even with all my mystical powers, that I don't have, I can't stop you from having bad days. Shocking, I know. But I can help you end those moments faster then you can say, Judo chop! And ending them quickly will help you regain your happiness, quickly. Now let's step back and take a look at what's going on, on the internal level, shall we?
THOUGHT CAN TRANSCEND INTO EMOTION.
When we think a thought, such as a memory or fantasy, we can automatically evoke emotion. This principle can be a pleasurable one if we are thinking good thoughts or thinking about good memories. However, this is a two way street. Just like it feels good to think "happy thoughts", we can also manifest stress, anger, or sadness when we think about less positive events. Why? Simple.
Thoughts are like clouds passing through the mind. They aren't tangible to touch. Often though, as a thought comes into our mind, we let our heart grab onto the thought. And as soon as we do this, we evoke the associated emotion and that emotion latches onto the thought. And when we allow the heart to attach the emotion, we give our thought power. And much like water circling the drain, we find ourselves swept up in a sea of emotion. Consequently, you transport yourself back to that moment that you are thinking of.
Chew on it for a minute. If something made you very angry through the coarse of your day, and you think about it, don't you become angry all over again? So how do we stop this? It's very simple... but very difficult. (Kind of like marriage or juggling chainsaws). You just have to apply the right antidote. We have to be mindful of where we are right now, and the moment that we are in- right now! When I start replaying my day like a bad movie in my mind, I stop myself. I say to myself, "Kung Fu Monk, where are you? What time is it?" I then say to myself, "I am right HERE! And the time is right NOW!" That brings me back to where I'm suppose to be. Present in my own life. I stop "living" in the past or in a phantom memory that didn't happen. I mentally recognize that that moment is over. It is now non existent. I am here. No need to be anywhere else. Especially, in the past. This mental application was very helpful to me after my mother died.
When we get lost in our memories or thoughts of yesterday (Or ten minutes ago), we often attach emotions. And those emotions rob us of our lives. Our mind can put us emotionally in a bad place and that often disrupts our lives and the lives of those around us. Being alive and being you are blessings that are meant to be lived in joy. Not anger or delusion. (Even if you are standing in line at the D.M.V.). You are in the driver's seat of your mind. You can steer it backward or forward. You can enjoy the freedom of being in the here and now. Or you can give your thoughts your emotional power. So be mindful of where you are and what time it is. Remember how our minds can empower our feelings. Leave the past in the past. Your power is in the present. And your future depends on it. (But don't worry about the future. It hasn't arrived yet). Happy dance.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Nothing to fear but fear itself
A young student onced asked a Zen master, "Master, what is zen?" The Zen master replied, "When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink."
Let's start this blog out with a little exercise. Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to go run a mile or do sit ups. Nope. I want you to think about what scares you. More specifically, what is the scariest thing on the planet you can think of? I'm sure you're asking yourself, "Why would I want to do that?" Just humor me. What is the most scary thing you can think of? Clowns? Spiders? Aliens that aren't cuddily? Things that go bump in the night. Maybe your afraid of something more bleak: Being laid off, being the victim of a violent crime, losing someone you love to an illness. Insert your fear here. Yep, you can imagine lots of scary things, can't you? Funny how the imagination works. But what's the grand daddy of all fear? What is the root of it's power? Ultimately, it's the fear of the unknown.
The unknown often derails our dreams and can stop us from living full lives. Why don't you apply for that promotion? Why don't you buy that car that you've been eyeing for the last three months? Why don't you ask that guy or girl out that you're crushing on? Why don't you join the gym? Your mind can generate all kinds of "reasons" why you should or shouldn't do this or that. There's better qualified applicants. What if I can't afford the long term car payments? He/She will probably turn me down for a date. What if people judge me at the gym? What if this, what if that, what if, what if, what if... Just like some people are afraid to get in the ocean because they can't see what's swimming around them, we do the same thing in our daily life. (Thanks Matt for that.)
Okay. You get the idea. But I want you to really get 'it'. The 'it' - is what causes the fear. It's not clowns, spiders, or even an event or the situation. It's not a real thing at all. 'It', is the not knowing what is going to happen. It is the manifestation of anxeity brought on by thought. That is the heart of fear. Now, I know what you are thinking: "Okay, Kung Fu Monk, so how do I get around this 'it' fear thing? I know that what I don't know is scary." Well, hopefully you thought that out more gracefully then I imagined you did. So, how do we break this barrier? I'm glad you asked.
First off, let's examine what "unknown" you are struggling with. We do this by asking ourselves about our concern. We get to know it. "It", get it. (Okay bad joke). What is it that I'm worried/scared of? Why is this causing me concern?
Secondly, we ask ourselves: what are the REALISTIC outcomes of the concern? Now, being realistic is critical. When you answer what the outcomes could be, be plausable not just possible. I don't want you to think things like, "Well I could be killed tomorrow by a maniac if I leave my house..." Well no kidding. It's possible. But it probably won't happen! Being realistic helps to take away the power that fear can have on us.
Third, remember... be Zen. (No, Zen is not a form of Chinese money). Zen is living right now! Not in the past and not in the future. Meaning, the past can't hurt us. (Unless it's credit card or loan related). And the future... the future hasn't happened yet. (That's why it's called the future). That's what the Zen master was talking about with the student at the beginning of this blog. He was referring to living now! Living in the present moment! This simple thing will not only give you courage but also decrease stress.
Fourth thing, breathe. I tell my [martial arts] students that no matter what is going on outside around them, they need only to take shelter inside themselves. Inside, there is peace. To focus on that inner peace, we breathe. We return to our breath. We focus our mind on each breath until we calm the mind. Remember: the body follows the mind. And because we are sentient beings (beings that are capable of contemplative thought) we have the potential to be masters of ourselves. And in this case, our inner peace.
Lastly, and most importantly, believe in yourself! It's never exceptable to be a hater. So don't hate on yourself! You have to realize that things do happen for a reason! You are who you are suppose to be right now and you are where you are meant to be right now. You can decide to improve both. I have faith in you and I haven't even met you!
Everyone of us gets afraid from time to time, afraid of a variety of things. But at the root, it's a fear of the unknown. We control very little in our overall lives. Things are essentially out of our control. We don't know where our lives will go or ultimately how they will end. We have to, on some level, except that. In fact we should embrace that. But one thing is for sure, "to live in fear is not to live at all." Don't let the unknown paralyze you in your life! It's your life! So when you are laying in bed and worrying about paying bills, your loved ones, or your own health, remember these few tips. Take them. Apply them. And don't let fear be a barrier! Break it!
Let's start this blog out with a little exercise. Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to go run a mile or do sit ups. Nope. I want you to think about what scares you. More specifically, what is the scariest thing on the planet you can think of? I'm sure you're asking yourself, "Why would I want to do that?" Just humor me. What is the most scary thing you can think of? Clowns? Spiders? Aliens that aren't cuddily? Things that go bump in the night. Maybe your afraid of something more bleak: Being laid off, being the victim of a violent crime, losing someone you love to an illness. Insert your fear here. Yep, you can imagine lots of scary things, can't you? Funny how the imagination works. But what's the grand daddy of all fear? What is the root of it's power? Ultimately, it's the fear of the unknown.
The unknown often derails our dreams and can stop us from living full lives. Why don't you apply for that promotion? Why don't you buy that car that you've been eyeing for the last three months? Why don't you ask that guy or girl out that you're crushing on? Why don't you join the gym? Your mind can generate all kinds of "reasons" why you should or shouldn't do this or that. There's better qualified applicants. What if I can't afford the long term car payments? He/She will probably turn me down for a date. What if people judge me at the gym? What if this, what if that, what if, what if, what if... Just like some people are afraid to get in the ocean because they can't see what's swimming around them, we do the same thing in our daily life. (Thanks Matt for that.)
Okay. You get the idea. But I want you to really get 'it'. The 'it' - is what causes the fear. It's not clowns, spiders, or even an event or the situation. It's not a real thing at all. 'It', is the not knowing what is going to happen. It is the manifestation of anxeity brought on by thought. That is the heart of fear. Now, I know what you are thinking: "Okay, Kung Fu Monk, so how do I get around this 'it' fear thing? I know that what I don't know is scary." Well, hopefully you thought that out more gracefully then I imagined you did. So, how do we break this barrier? I'm glad you asked.
First off, let's examine what "unknown" you are struggling with. We do this by asking ourselves about our concern. We get to know it. "It", get it. (Okay bad joke). What is it that I'm worried/scared of? Why is this causing me concern?
Secondly, we ask ourselves: what are the REALISTIC outcomes of the concern? Now, being realistic is critical. When you answer what the outcomes could be, be plausable not just possible. I don't want you to think things like, "Well I could be killed tomorrow by a maniac if I leave my house..." Well no kidding. It's possible. But it probably won't happen! Being realistic helps to take away the power that fear can have on us.
Third, remember... be Zen. (No, Zen is not a form of Chinese money). Zen is living right now! Not in the past and not in the future. Meaning, the past can't hurt us. (Unless it's credit card or loan related). And the future... the future hasn't happened yet. (That's why it's called the future). That's what the Zen master was talking about with the student at the beginning of this blog. He was referring to living now! Living in the present moment! This simple thing will not only give you courage but also decrease stress.
Fourth thing, breathe. I tell my [martial arts] students that no matter what is going on outside around them, they need only to take shelter inside themselves. Inside, there is peace. To focus on that inner peace, we breathe. We return to our breath. We focus our mind on each breath until we calm the mind. Remember: the body follows the mind. And because we are sentient beings (beings that are capable of contemplative thought) we have the potential to be masters of ourselves. And in this case, our inner peace.
Lastly, and most importantly, believe in yourself! It's never exceptable to be a hater. So don't hate on yourself! You have to realize that things do happen for a reason! You are who you are suppose to be right now and you are where you are meant to be right now. You can decide to improve both. I have faith in you and I haven't even met you!
Everyone of us gets afraid from time to time, afraid of a variety of things. But at the root, it's a fear of the unknown. We control very little in our overall lives. Things are essentially out of our control. We don't know where our lives will go or ultimately how they will end. We have to, on some level, except that. In fact we should embrace that. But one thing is for sure, "to live in fear is not to live at all." Don't let the unknown paralyze you in your life! It's your life! So when you are laying in bed and worrying about paying bills, your loved ones, or your own health, remember these few tips. Take them. Apply them. And don't let fear be a barrier! Break it!
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