8 Gags the Universe is Playing on You

  "When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be  disappointed to discover they are not it." - Bernard Bailey

In light of recent events in human history, it's evident that there are things going on in and around us that the word irony just isn't a strong enough term to use to describe them. Here are some comical examples as to how the universe, the collective consciousness, is in fact f#*king with you.

The more you focus on your problems, the more problems you will have.

What you think about expands. Wherever your thought and focus is, that is what will be attracted to you. If you wire your brain to always focus on problems, then you will find a problem for every solution. 

Your life isn't just for you, it's for others too.

One of "the three purposes of life" is to help others through it. It is through selfless service that you will find your own sense of completion. In short you need people and they need you. The real trippy part of it is that if you pay attention you will find that you are them and they are you. Let that sink in.  

People will come into your life when you are ready.

There's an old saying, "when the student is ready the teacher will appear."  Some will teach you patience. Some will teach you love. Some are there to challenge you, but everyone is there for a purpose whether you see it or not. Which brings me to the next gag...

Not everyone who treats you well is your friend and not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

Sometimes people will use you for whatever reason they feel like you are useful to them. When times are bad and you're down and out, look who is still there. Those are true friends. On the flip side, the people who give you a hard time, consider them to be your Zen teachers. Often times people show us how to treat people and just as often people teach you how not to treat others. The lesson is yours...

Life lessons will be repeated until they are learned. 

If you have ever found yourself in reoccurring circumstances, be it in the kinds of people you date, or the same misfortunes are finding you, odds are there is a lesson to be learned. It is up to you to be humble enough to learn it. Part of your journey here is spiritual growth. Like in most schools, you can't go to the next grade until you complete and pass the grade you are in. 

Attachment is the root cause of suffering.

You heard it from Buddha first, folks. The more you white knuckle things, pursue things, and work to keep things, you will  inevitably suffer. Anxiety, worry, stress, and labor are all side effects of attachment. What you really seek is joy, completion, purpose, and love. All of these things just so happen to be inside of you already. (Face palm!)

There is no need to "find" God.

So many sects of religions tell us that we need to seek salvation and find God. As I have stated above, what you seek is already inside you. God isn't sitting on a cloud and there's nothing that you need to be saved from. No one is coming to save you. You must save yourself. God is "hiding" in plain sight inside you and me and outside of you and me. Figuring that out seems to be the hard part for many people.

You are wired to take on a false identity. 

When we look in the mirror we see us, right? Not so fast. What you are really looking at is an organic, decomposing, group of atoms that have inside them a collection of thoughts, tastes, and habits that are program to survive no matter what. That's not you. You are an eternal consciousness that exists outside of time. You have an EGO that tells you all kinds of misleading information about you that shapes your perspective and forms your idea of your self. The trick is spot that EGO and tame it.

Namaste

 

Life Changing Ways to Become Happier and Healthier

"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." - Abraham Lincoln

Who doesn't want to be happier in their life? Right? Here are a few ways that you can be a happier person. It might take a few adjustments initially, but in the long run if you implement these suggestions, you will see a more positive life emerging!

Only hang out with quality people
You become what you surround yourself with. Life is too short to spend time with people who are negative, soul sucking, or disloyal. Quality people, on the other hand, are trustworthy, dependable, loyal, and caring. There's a saying about how you can count your true friends on one hand. That's because authentic, caring, generous people are rare. If you can't find any, be one to someone.

Don't spend your time at a job that you hate
We all have bills and responsibilities in life. It's part of "adulting." But you were born into this life for more. The majority of our waking week is spent at work. We spend more time trying to make money than we do with our own families. You can always make money. It's earned. But you can't make more time. You are here to learn, grow, and ENJOY your life! Don't sacrifice your time to do work you hate or be around people that make you miserable. Life is too short!

Don't date people who don't share your values and joys of life
Rolling around under the sheets is fun, but after that, what's left? Making real memories and having a soul connection is way more important. You need a partner who you can count on, who will be your personal cheer leader when the chips are down. Life is hard enough. You need someone who will compliment your life, not complicate it; Someone who inspires you, makes you think, and makes you care in an honest way. Who you wake up to can be a source of joy or agony. Pick joy. Even if that joy means waking up alone.

Devote at least 10 minutes to meditation daily.
Literally, one of the most positive life changing decisions I made was devoting just a few minutes a day to meditation. It's not a religious practice. It's more psychological than anything. I devote more than 10 minutes, as my schedule permits, but go for as long as you can. 5 minutes. 10. 15 minutes. Whatever. You will find out more about yourself and life than you could have ever imagine. Meditation doesn't stop thoughts, it minimizes them. It brings you back to the present. We feel frustration and regret from the past and worry and anxiety about the future. If you focus the mind on your breath and this moment, peace is all there is.

Don't get trapped by going too big or too fancy.
The big house, the fast car, that name brand handbag all come with a huge price tag. That equates to more time at work, less time for you. For what exactly? We try to use material possessions to fill an inner void that many of us have. Real happiness is free and priceless. Real happiness can't be found outside yourself. Real happiness begins in you when you find your own sense of self, your sense of completion, and fulfillment. This is a process that involves figuring out your own gratefulness and becoming content.

Stop dwelling on the past!
Why? Because it's over and you can't redo any of it. Instead of spending energy and thought on things you can't change, spend that time thinking about and changing what you can now. You are not your past. You are not all the times that you fucked up. You are this person, right here, right now. You are the person who has evolved and learned from their mistakes.

Quit worrying about the future!
Good news. Your future isn't written. There is no will of anything or anyone affecting your life other than your own will. People have a habit, particular at bed time, where they lay back and imagine all of the things that could go wrong. 9 times out of 10, those fears we fantasize about never even happen. Face today. Today is all you have. Tomorrow isn't a guarantee. Why bother worrying. If you are going to dream, dream up a good dream.

Namaste

10 Ways to Become More Comfortable With You Right Now

"Your sense of completion will never be found within anyone else. It comes from within you." 

One of the things that I ask myself when I'm dealing with a person is, are they comfortable with themselves? The question, while on the surface simple, is actually a very profound and life defining question. So much of our views about ourselves, other people, and the very world around us are shaped by our comfort level within our own selves. Here are some philosophical approaches to help you become more comfortable in your own skin.

Realize that you are not your body
How many times have you got down on yourself about your weight? How many times have you wanted different hair? Or to be taller? shorter? Thinner? Your body might be a temple but it's not a place of worship. The body is worthless without intellect, character, and kindness. Who you are in this body is merely a collection of atoms, thoughts, ideas, labels, and habits. You are no more your body as you are the car you drive. Your body is decomposing. It's temporary. You, however, are not. Eat the damn ice cream and go for a walk.

Realize that material wealth and possessions are temporary and don't define you as a human
That nice car comes with a big car payment and large repair bill when it breaks down. That huge house has a huge mortgage. That hot outfit is going fade and get holes in it. We often suffer from a need for completion and betterment that we already have. Those attachments result in suffering. There is no house, car, clothing, or item that will make the inside of you any better or worse. There is nothing on earth that has been constructed here that was made to last forever.

Become knowledgeable on a topic before you speak in favor or against it
People often choose to try to be "right" rather than be factual about a multitude of topics. Many of us are more concerned with appearing to be informed rather than actually being informed. We read the headlines but don't bother to read the content material or the source. And fact checking? Who has time for that, right? Informed people do. If it's an interest to you, you owe it to yourself to learn about it. It's okay to not know about things. That's being uniformed. It's not okay to ignore facts. That's being ignorant. And it's okay to change your mind. That's called growth.

Realize you don't have to sell yourself to anyone
First things: You are complete. You are beautiful. You aren't a fragment of the universe, you are the whole universe. I'm not just blowing rainbows and marsh mellows up your butt, I'm stating facts here. Listen, I've been stood up, turned down, and rejected more times than I care to count but one thing is for sure, the right person, the right job, the right path always prevailed. When you know how kind you are, how loving you are, and how special you are, you will understand that what you bring to the table should only be reserved for people who see it too. The word, NO, now stands for, "Next Opportunity."

Realize that you don't have to "win" every argument or debate.
Your self worth doesn't hinge on convincing others to think like you. (Read that again).

Accept other people's religions and truths as their own.
You are on a path just like me and every living creature throughout the universe. As humans, we are all trying to figure this life out by very limited perceptions of 5 senses. Some of us are further down our paths than others. And that's okay. We all have something to offer each other in the way of making the world a better place. It's not your responsibility to judge others' beliefs. It is your job to practice your own.

Recognize that none of us have it all figured out.
We are all made up of our individual experiences, teachings, and "programming." Like I've stated earlier, we are defining our lives and interpreting meaning through five, limited, senses. Our brains filter out so much information so that it won't become over worked. Therefore, it's impossible to fully understand "everything" through this mere human condition. I can try to explain to you everyday how to ride a bike, but until you hop on the thing and find your balance, my instructions are useless.

Understand that you don't owe the world an explanation, you owe your talents and your kindness.
You are here for several purposes. One of which is to discover your talents! Those things that really make you excited and leave you feeling passionate when you do them. Because you have been granted the privilege of having those talents, you owe it to the world to share them. Doing so will bring you more joy than you can imagine while making the world a better place!

Remember that not everyone is going to like you and that's okay.
Many people who don't like you don't even like themselves. The first person who must accept you for you is... you. The second part of this is simply treating others how you would want to be treated. There will always be someone who likes you, hell even loves you, for doing that and being you. Likewise, there will be people who won't. But that's only your problem if you make it such. Life isn't a popularity contest, it's an experience to be fully lived.

How others treat you is a reflection of them; how you treat others is a reflection of you.
Not everything is about you. People are so caught in their own lives and interests that often the people around them are an afterthought. People's lack of patience and understanding is more often a result of their own circumstances and character, not you or yours.

Namaste.

5 Behaviors You Shoiuld Never Tolerate From Others

"Behavior is a mirror in which everyone displays [their] own image." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

                                    

  

One of the biggest lessons I have learned within the last few years that gave me great peace was that, more often than not, the way people treat others is more of a reflection of themselves than anyone else. Whether it's based on wanting something from you or their own insecurities, when people treat you poorly it's usually about them. 

The irony of it is that there is no separation. There is no us and them, me and you. We really are one. Yes, even the asshole co worker who talks mad gossip about you in the break room is... well... connected to you. However until people genuinely wake up to this idea, to safe guard yourself and help you live more peacefully, here are a list of observations of behaviors that you shouldn't tolerate from others nor should you do.

Using people for self gain or personal satisfaction - "the users"

These types of people approach others with a what can this person do for me attitude toward dealing with people. "Users" aren't sincere or authentic toward people they think are valuable to them in some way and often mask their true intentions with a charade. I see this all the time in the film industry and corporate America and it's as nauseating as it is stunning. Most reasonable people would see this as a waste of energy and unethical but these people are solely "me" and ego driven with little to no regard toward others.

Gossiping and spreading rumors

There's a great line about real friends. Something to the affect of, "a true friend will defend you in your absence." People who gossip and spread rumors around you, you can bet that they are talking about you when you are not around. Many of us often hear things about others and immediately pass judgment based on hearsay and not on actual facts. This can impact and destroy connections and relationships with people as well as hurt them without justification. We aren't here in these bodies to destroy. We are, by design, creators. Thus we should be creating and building one another up, not tearing ourselves or one another down. 

Lying

Everyone at some point has lied. Lying isn't OK. But out of fairness there's two types of lying. For instance if your spouse says, "do I look fat in this outfit?" and they in fact do, you may say, "no you look great." Well that was a lie. You did it unselfishly to spare the feelings of someone. But if you are cheating on your spouse and you lie to your spouse about it, you lied selfishly to continue your own gratifications. If you know someone who is a perpetual liar, how can you develop any kind of real relationship with that person? Trust is fundamental in being able to fully let your guard down and be you. Be the person that people can be real with and avoid the ones that aren't trust worthy. 

Being condescending

Often times people speak and treat others in a manner that is very belittling. I am referring to people who do this very regularly, not once in a while. Habitual condescending people seem to believe that by making others feel small, they are somehow made bigger and better. These people who do this are often secretly very insecure about themselves and they project their insecurities on others in the form of condescension. These people may often exhibit "gas lighting" behavior with people. 

Cheating

People who cheat, either on spouses or cheat others, are incredibly selfish and self centered. These people have put up walls between themselves and others and are out for their own interests. Cheaters have little to no regard for fairness, honesty, or the feelings of people around them. They are loyal to themselves and no one else. Trust is something we all want for ourselves and for people we care for. Cheaters have a hard time trusting others and being trusted themselves largely due to how they treat others. 

Each and everyone of us is on an individual journey. We meet people, share experiences, and impact the lives of others in  many ways. The best way to deter bad behavior from others is to identify it in them and within ourselves. We must be the light that shines for it is the only light we can control. Always treat people the way that you want to be treated because ultimately how you treat people is how you in fact treat yourself. 

An Open Letter to the "Me Too"s

For you, the "me too"...

Dearest "me too,"
you are someone's daughter. You are someone's mother, someone's sister, someone's partner. You are someone's hope, someone's hero, someone's future. You are someone's love, someone's dream. You are a child of light. You are grace. You are dazzling. You are as beautiful as the universe is vast. You were made from love and you are love. You are strong. You inspire. You are resilient. You are a warrior...

I know things are tough. I wish I could catch your tears, hold you near, stand in the way of the past, and protect you from the darkness. But dearest "me too," you are the strongest warrior in your life. No matter how dark those moments, you are the light. You always were. You never dimmed. No matter what happened to you or might, you will always be you.. No one can extinguish your shine. No matter what happened, you got through it. You are a champion...

It wasn't fair. It wasn't your fault. Dearest "me too," please don't blame yourself. You are no less than perfect. Back then. Now. Always. All still perfection. Still intact. You were hurt. You were scarred. No one can take that away from you. You went through so much. I know it still hurts. You aren't weak though. You aren't broken. You aren't damaged or tainted. You are still whole and beautiful. What happened to you didn't define you, but getting through it did. You are courageous. You are a survivor...

You didn't ask for such abuse. You didn't invite it. It wasn't your fault. It was a hurtful choice someone made for you. It wasn't about you, nor was it about your character, your worth, or your looks. It was about them and what they are. You may have felt powerless in those moments. But dearest "me too," I assure you, you have your power back. As sure as the sun rises in the morning, you are new and whole again each day. You aren't who you are because of what happened. You are who you are despite it. You are brave. You are a fighter. You are powerful...

I'm so sorry that this happened to you, dearest "me too." You didn't deserve it. I can't imagine what it was like for you. It's okay to be fragile or stand offish. It's okay to grieve. It's okay to be scared. Just be whatever you need to be. You have the right to feel everything that you feel. Just remember that when you must venture back into the darkness, there is always a light in you, should you lose your way. Even when you feel like you must face the dragons alone, I promise that there's never a moment in your life when you are truly separated from being forever loved and from the one that made you. There is always a home within you. You are loved...

Dearest "me too," you may struggle greatly in understanding why it happened. Understanding and inner peace don't always travel together. Your peace will come from forgiveness and remembering your true self.  I am sorry that someone didn't love you enough to do right by you and treat you with the respect that you deserve. What happened to you was a horrific event in your life; But it's not you or your whole life. You are still in control. You are still the author of your story, even if it doesn't feel like it. You have a purpose. A message. A testimony. You have the ability to find the love that will heal your heart. You are... not alone...

Sincerely and with all of  my love,
Dearest You

  

Five Illusions of Social Media

"Mirrors lie. They don't show you what's on the inside." - Anonymous 

We use social media as a way to keep in touch with people and to share our personal expressions and views. While expressing yourself can be a healthy thing, here are a few ways that people are using Facebook and other social media platforms in ways that may not always be that healthy and how we are falling for the illusions of it all.

We use Facebook / Instagram to project a life that we wish we had.

You can log into Facebook or Instagram at any time and your news feed will be flooded with smiling "selfies," grand dinners, and big adventures. It looks like everyone is on a permanent vacation if you take what you see at face value. But it's really not true. The fact is, what you see, is seldom what you get or what's actually going on behind the pictures. People don't post pictures of their credit card debt, their loneliness, their insecurities, their cellulite, lies, or their boredom. Rest assured, most people have all of those things going on at one time or another. Not that you'd know it by their Instagram.

Social media has become the narcissist's nirvana.
Selfies, cleavage, abs, and seat belt car shots seem to flood our social media. Rather than deal with insecurities, many of us seem to think that if we get lots of "likes" on our pictures and posts that somehow we are validated as human beings. If people are envious of us, that means we are doing something right, right? No. Not really. What it means is that there is a void inside that we are trying to fill externally and we are using people and their presumed envy or admiration to fuel that desire to feel whole. All the while you we are already whole; you just have to realize it. Your lack of feeling complete comes from an amnesia that you are born with. Part of your journey is that of discovery. Remember that.

Social media is used as the Keyboard Commando's weapon.
You know this type of person. It's the person who spouts off ridiculous statements and insults that they would never say to someone in person. They simply hide behind their keyboard and type whatever unfiltered remarks that they feel so inclined to make no matter how hurtful or untrue it may be. Facts have little barring on these individuals and they are often incredibly confrontational online. These people are toxic. It's easy to get swept away in their chatter and baited into full on online arguments. When we engage in this type of banter, we surrender our joy and peace for nothing. You are not here to persuade anyone or "win" any debates. Your social media, like your mind, is up to you to direct. You can take it to uplifting places or down to the gutters.

We feel we have to keep up with the Jones'.
You saw that new car, that boat, that big house 'so and so' bought. Or maybe you see that happy couple that looks like they have a full on Cinderella story going on. You start looking around at your life and suddenly you feel... well...  inferior and less successful than you'd like. You're still renting an apartment. You're still single and even the cat doesn't like you.  It's as if you can't keep up with those around you or you feel that you'll never attain the life you think others have on social media. Good news- It's all bullshit. Really it is. Complete, total, and utter... bullshit. It's a fantasy. A subjective reality. A perception. Nothing is as it seems. Even the biggest structure is made of tiny atoms. Nothing... is.... as it seems. That vacation racked up more debt and stress than it was worth. That boat payment means more time at work to pay for it. That mortgage is massive. Take the pressure off your shoulders. When you desire more, you sacrifice your peace. Your peace is priceless.

The Social Media Journal
Another trap to avoid is using your social media like a journal. Seriously. Do not post or write about your relationships, finances, jobs, or anything that people can use to harm you. It feels good to "vent" but too often we put out way too personal information on our media pages and we forget just how big our audience is. Not every Facebook "friend" is a true friend. You might not think about it, but that's the problem. We don't see it until it's too late and we open ourselves up to unnecessary scrutiny. The people who truly care about you are far and few between. That's not just true for you, it's true for all of us. Your real personal connections go much deeper than your computer or your phone.

The bottom line is this: Social Media, Facebook, Instagram, etc... are all illusions my friends. They aren't real. The lives people post about are seldom the same as your perceptions of them. How we view these things are often filtered by our own egos, insecurities, and self doubt. What we see is only granted power by our decision to assign emotion to it. It is our own egos' reflection that we see. The good news is that once you understand this, the pressure is off of you. In fact, our pressure was always self inflicted to begin with. Life is not a contest but an experience. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't be caught up in posting about your life, be caught up in living it.

10 Signs You Have Been Chosen for a Spiritual Awakening

"Awakening is not changing who you are but discarding who you are not." _ Deepak Chopra

Life is a journey. It's a constant process that involves survival, mistakes, and growth. We begin each day in this false sense of security that we have forever on this earth. But life takes on a new meaning when the moment comes that you realize that even you are a temporary blip on life's radar. No matter what you have achieved or what stuff you have acquired during your time here, our bodies all have an expiration date. It is somewhere within ourselves and within the moments of the realization of the temporal life that we begin to shift, or awaken spiritually. We begin to see life with wiser eyes. Our perspectives and values shift. We see things with renewed vigor and childlike eyes. Here are ten signs you are beginning to have a spiritual awakening:

1) You are turning off the TV
You had your favorite shows and movies you could watch over and over, but suddenly missing those shows and not watching those movies is no longer a big deal. You find yourself stepping away from the TV and going out and doing more. You may adopt new hobbies and interests. You spend more time with people or going outdoors. You are reading more and you can't seem to get enough mental stimulation.

2) Idle conversation bores you
Your perspective and values about life shift so much that idle gossip and "chit-chat" no longer interest you. You no longer concern yourself with water cooler talk and you have little to no fascination in the business of others. You don't care what is happening with Beyonce' and Jay Z and you have also started to distance yourself from the world news altogether. 

3) You find yourself  constantly questioning the world around you
All of a sudden the world you thought you knew, no longer makes sense. When you think of awakening or "spiritual enlightenment," you think one would become all knowing. Not so much. You become more "all confused" more so than all knowing. It's as if you have been given a kind of consciousness based birds eye view of the human condition. You begin to understand what being human is and you start to question the how and why of everything and everyone around you.

4) You long to be in nature

You will find that being in nature; whether it's walking in the park, the beach, the forest, becomes a recharge for your mind and body. You feel the sun on your face and the wind in your hair in a much more vibrant way than you could remember before. You feel a connection to the earth and it's children. The stillness and sanctity of the woods ignites in you a deep feeling of joy, completion, and peace. It is here where you will find a whole new kind of connection.

5) Your priorities and old views are changing

All of sudden that shiny car, those new outfits, and that new Rolex becomes just stuff. And that big house becomes... well... just big. You recognize that not only can you own stuff, but stuff can also own you if you let it. You understand that pursing happiness outside of your own being is a waste of energy and useless. You shift to a more compassionate state of mind and see that success comes from helping others more than just helping yourself. 

6) You are comfortable being alone
You no longer feel like you need attention or have to be surrounded by people. You can go out to eat alone and feel comfortable doing it. You feel good in your own skin and doing your own thing. You know and understand that all living things are naturally connected and therefore you aren't, nor were you ever, disconnected or separated from anyone. You find peace and rest in that.

7) You no longer wish to prove yourself to anyone
Suddenly your need for "selfies," "likes," and attention diminishes. You no longer feel chained by anyone else's expectations or need their validation. You start wearing the clothes you want to wear. You start speaking candidly about everything and you no longer concern yourself with authorities, opinions, or titles of others. You start to understand that people's opinions of you are nothing more then their perception and don't necessary reflect the absolute truth about who you are. You know yourself and except yourself, fully aware of where you are and where you are not on your life's journey.

8) You wake up at about the same time in the middle of the night most nights

It is often said that we wake up during the night when we have a lot of stress or worry on our subconscious minds. The same can happen when you are waking up spiritually. Your body will heal and become more recharged faster than normal. Your mind will open and you will have more lucid dreams. You will began to get messages and have dreams that are meaningful to your life and the healing process of your mind.

9) You notice your thoughts are tied to people 
Have you ever been thinking of someone and suddenly, out of nowhere, they call or message you? This is a more common phenomena than you might think. In fact this happens to people so often that it is arguable that this is measurable evidence of a conscious connection between you and others. You will find that this will happen more and more frequently as you awaken. You may also have instances of discernment. In other words, you may begin to be able to accurately judge and understand people with little information about them by listening to your instincts.    

10) You are letting go of your past

You will begin to feel free of concern and free of your past. You find forgiveness for others and for yourself. You have a deeper understanding of the human condition and you become much more empathetic toward others. You start to see yourself for the person you are, right now, not the person you used to be. You let go of your past and you replace it with the peace of the here and now.

There are many other signs and signals that you are having a spiritual awakening. I liken it to the movie, "The Matrix," where a young man's reality is turned upside down when he choses to "wake up." Despite the fun fictional elements to the film, we are living in kind of a self inflicted matrix. No one is coming to save us though. It is our individual responsibility to grow and develop. If you have found yourself "lost" in your life, I encourage you to be still and journey down the rabbit hole of self exploration. All of the answers that you will need are within you. You just have to wake up and remember.

How to Put an End to Racism

"There is no separation; That's been physically proven by science." - Jim Carrey

We've seen the images of white hoods and burning crosses. We've seen the Black Lives Matter movement. We have seen statues torn down. We have seen the justice system fail us, the education system fail us, and the media fail us. All of which have been broken down, chewed up, and spit out over the idea of race. People have created a monster in the United States. Not just one group of people but all groups have contributed to this. As of recently, the words racist and racism have been bastardized and misused in order to create a divide amongst the masses to perpetuate an illusion, a lie, a grand deceit. That's right. I said it. It's a lie. We have been told that particular people are oppressed and inferior. We have been told that many of us are oppressors and guilty for crimes that our ancestors committed. We have seen people threatened and silenced for fear of being thought of as racist. Many of us have been hoodwinked, conned, suckered, and bamboozled. We fell pray to fear, peer pressure, ego, and a false identity of self.
Here are the observations of a human. Not that of a white man. Not that of a black man. Not an olive skinned man. Just a human... a man. Here is the red pill of truth. Here is your wake up call, your sobering moment, the pink elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. Here is where we are at and here is how we can pull ourselves out of this self induced nose dive of illusion. I'm going to suggest that ending racism is an individual problem rather than a national one and should be treated as such.

Stop labeling and identifying yourself by the color of your skin

There are two very distinct forms of racism. The first is the most noted: When someone shows a bias either for or against another person based on their skin color, they are a racist. Pretty simple, right? But there is another side to the coin. Here is the yin to that yang that no one points out. When you identify yourself by your own skin color, you have voluntarily separated yourself from others. If you say, "I am a black man. You are a white man." You have now created a self imposed division by doing this. Guess what? You are now contributing to the problem. You have provided the gasoline for the fire. You have bought into the illusion that you are what you see in the mirror. When in fact you are as much your skin color as you are the paint on the walls. If you stop labeling yourself, your enemies are powerless against you; including the enemy within, the ego.

When you separate yourself by color, you will expect to be treated poorly by people who look different than you.

Sad psychological fact. If someone looks different, they will treat us different, right? Not necessarily. But we look for and expect people who are a different color than us to treat us unfairly and we blame our skin as the "go to" reason we are being treated as such. That's because we have been "programmed" to think this way. Our parents, teachers, television, and friends have been influencing our thought process and our perceptions of life since birth. When we are repeatedly told that we are a certain race or color it becomes so ingrained in most of us that it becomes our identity. It is often always an over looked fact that we are perpetuating a lot of our own problems in regards to race. Your perception of yourself and others is your reality, even if it's not really true.

You are personally responsible for your life.
You are the master of yourself. Not your color. Not your body. No one. Nothing. There is no one else to plead to. God is not going to interfere with your choices. It is up to you how you act and react to people and the world around you. There is no being that is trying to "hold you down" other than your own thoughts and perceptions. Your ego is the one that whispers in your ear and tells you things like, "They don't like you because you are black or brown or white." Or it says, "You don't look like them and they have it out for you."  Don't believe a word your ego says. The egos job is to deceive you. Your higher self is the true perception of the world around you. It speaks from the heart or the "gut." Not the programmed ego.

There is no need to be proud of your pigment or heritage.
Here is another silly lie we have been told ever since I can remember. It sounds like it's true because it's been beat into our heads. "Be proud of your heritage as a (black, white, Italian, Asian,) blah blah blah..." Let me ask you a few questions. Did you make your skin color? No. Are you directly involved with either the accomplishments or failures of your ancestors? No. So why in the world would you have any right or claim to be proud of these things? I'm not saying you should feel ashamed. I'm saying you should have no attachment what so ever to it. Pride is something that should be minimal and should be based on an individual personal accomplishment. We did not make ourselves so the idea that we should be proud of our skin is absurd. Your skin is not an accomplishment nor is it you; nor can you take credit for people who actually fought for civil rights, progression, or anything else. Pride is reserved for the people who did amazing things. Being born isn't one of those things.     

Realize this...

You are not your body.

I have said this time and time again. When you get over yourself and your ego, you realize the temporariness of life. As we age, our mind stays young but our physical appearance is constantly changing. Therefore we realize that our bodies will eventually fail. Your skin tone is irrelevant. So... If you aren't the person in the mirror then what are you? You are consciousness trapped inside of an organic meat wagon that transports your awareness around space and time. The concept of you or self is merely a collection of habits, labels, and ego. Inside everyone of us is the same conscious energy. You are as much your body as the car you drive or the house you live in. None of which are you. Your body, your name, your very DNA isn't you either. So the very idea of the color of your skin being you is ridiculous and void.

Your oppression is often self inflicted.

What you think about expands. If you think about how oppressed you are then you will find more oppression. You will often interpret opposition as oppression or bigotry. If you continuously see yourself as a victim, then you will always be one. However, if you begin to peel off the layers of illusion and realize your true self, then you will see yourself within everyone, no matter what color they are. The color, the body, the gender disappears. Remember, you are truth, you are consciousness, and you are bliss, just like everyone else. No more, no less. 

When you celebrate diversity, you create more separation.

Having a different opinion or perception can be a good thing. It can lead to much needed individual growth. But when we focus and celebrate our outward diversity we often forget our commonalities with others in the process. This leads to separation, labels, and inferiority complexes. You can't find common ground to connect with people on if you are swept up in differences. When we focus on differences we place our selves on the opposing team from others around us. This has become an obvious implosion within our country. 

We don't need to be reminded about slavery to keep us from repeating it.

Contrary to the narrative of many people, you don't have to discuss atrocities of this magnitude to keep people from repeating it. In Germany they don't teach that the Holocaust happened but it hasn't happened again since. Think about it. Do you need to be reminded that murder is wrong? I don't. How about rape? No, right? Do you honestly think that at some point in time in the United States people will actually suggest that we should try slavery again? Of course not! So why in the world do we think that we need to continue to be reminded of it? I personally feel that trying to argue that we need to talk about slavery continuously to keep history from repeating itself is just a palpable way to continue to push an illusionary narrative to divide people further. We need to stop falling for this trickery. There is no person living today in the United States that owned slaves nor is there any living slaves. You can not and should not exploit the trauma of our ancestors in anyway nor should you use their hardship for your own gain or influence. But if you watch the "news" for 15 minutes you will see just that happening. 

If we want to be thought of as equal and same, then we must first convince ourselves of it.
We must understand who we are, who we aren't, and the role the ego plays into how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. The absolute truth is that you and I and the neighbors... we are all the same. We are all one. One force of conscious energy that has manifested matter for the purpose of having human experiences. We are made of the same stardust, the same energy, from the same divine force. You are not your body, your car, your job, your thoughts, your habits. You are me. I am you. We just need to remember... 

How Fear is Ruining Your Life

"So many of us choose our path out of  fear disguised as practicality." - Jim Carrey

I think the greatest disease of our time is fear. Fear has killed more dreams than any failure has. Fear has led to wars, division, and misunderstandings. Fear has stopped people from pursuing their goals, finding love, loving themselves, and understanding others. Fear feeds the ego. How many instances can you look back on where you chose your path or made a decision out of fear? Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of being hurt. Fear of feeling not good enough. Let's take a look at what fear is, how it affects our lives, and what we can do to conquer our fears.

F.E.A.R. "False Evidence Appearing Real" (Zig Ziglar)

Many times throughout the day we're faced with enormous anxiety, doubt, insecurity, worry, and fear. We refer to our fear as, "stress," but it's really just fear. I guess at some point, in adulthood perhaps, you aren't suppose to say that you are afraid; but that's exactly what it is. It's fear. If we are being honest with ourselves, the internal dialogue we would have would look a lot like this: "I'm scared of losing."  "I'm scared I'll be fired from my job." "I'm scared I'll be laughed at and rejected." "I'm scared I'm not good enough." On and on and on... If we would just stop and take a step back for a moment, sit with our fear, then perhaps we could better understand our fear and even see that most of what scares us and holds us back is all an illusion that our ego has nightmarishly dished out to us.

Fear keeps you from your pursuing your dreams

If I were to ask you, if you could do any job that you wanted, what would that job be, would your answer be what your job is now? For most people, no. Why? Why aren't we doing what we want to do? Because for most of us we talked ourselves out of going for what we wanted. We didn't feel good enough, smart enough, rich enough, good looking enough. We panicked at the thought of things just not working out and failing. We didn't want to be a disappointment to anyone. For many of us, not trying was easier than dealing with rejection or failure. But what so many people opted for was trading their passion for safety. And they will never know how far they could of excelled had they went for what was in their heart. 

Fear keeps you from loving others and from loving yourself

Have you ever wanted to date someone but you talked yourself out of asking them out? How many times have either heard or have said, "That person is out of my league." I  had an older gentleman tell me a piece of dating advice when I was a teenager that I always remembered every time I wanted to talk to a woman. The advice was this: "If you don't ask, the answer is always, 'No'." Stop judging yourself. Stop judging others. Pretend, if you must, that no one is better than you and you are no better than anyone else. Because that is the absolute truth of life. We have enough people judging us, so they don't need our help drawing conclusions. Stop worrying about your hair, your height, your weight, your accent, or education. The most powerful thing you can be is yourself. The right people will always appreciate you for you.

Fear stops you from fully experiencing life

Get on the boat. Go to the party. Talk to that good looking person. Get on the horse. Go into the gym. Taste the wine. Go for that promotion. Show up for the audition. Sing your song. When you do what is called, negative self-talk, you talk your self right out of experiencing the richness and fullness of life. It's the party that you didn't go to because you weren't confident that may have stopped you from meeting the person you've been waiting for. It was all the times you didn't join the gym because you felt too "out of shape" and didn't want to feel like everyone is looking at you that kept you from getting into good shape. Here is the truth: You, me, all of us, are going to die. Hate to be that blunt, but it's a fact. We will regret more things that we didn't do and the chances we didn't take way more than what we did do in life. You are good enough. If you don't think so, fake it till you make it and get out of the house!

Fear clouds your spirituality 

Religiously speaking, most of us are told (programmed) as to what religion we should believe in; usually by our parents. Growing up in a Southern Baptist home, I was told by many people at church that if I didn't believe like them that I would go to hell. I was told to not associate with anyone that questions the bible or has any difference of opinion on God. This experience led me to be utterly confused about God, about my life, the nature of the self, and it really closed my mind to so much beauty within other religions and cultures for many years. I can't imagine anything scarier than eternal damnation. (If you can, tweet it my way.) Look no further to our communities and the media to see how fear is used to divide us, control our behavior, our choices, how we see ourselves and judge others. It's all a wizard of Oz, man behind the curtain, song and dance. Don't buy into it.

Fear pushes people away.

Whether it's fear of being wrong about religion, fear of rejection, fear of being hurt, fear disguised as misunderstanding of others, fear often makes us push people away. Fear causes us to behave irrationally and makes us defensive when we shouldn't be. Fear makes us become offended. Often times we feel the need to be right so strongly that we take away the voice of other people to make ourselves feel more secure. Fear of being wrong or admitting wrong doing is one of the greatest detriments to people and the United States' political climate right now. The citizens in the US can't even give one another space to express themselves without condemning opposing views. (Much like the fear tactics found in many religions and organized establishments.) 

Dissolving fear

You will never be able to be completely "fearless." It's part of being trapped in the human body and part of the human experience. It can be used as a tool to either control you or make you claim your independence. The choice is yours. If you want to overcome fear you must first understand that most of what you fear or have anxiety about is a work of fiction and your ego is writing the script. Failure isn't fatal. Success is what happens when you try that one additional time after you failed. Your ego isn't that voice telling you that you are great and that you are better than this guy or that gal. No. it's the voice that tells you that you aren't good enough and tells you that you're going to fail. The ego is that cliché devil on your shoulder. (E.G.O. = Edging God Out) Recognize it when you feel fear coming on.

You have to come to a point where you accept your mortality as a human. You must learn to know and be okay with the fact that everything you see and have in this world is fleeting and temporary. When you can do that, not only will you approach life with this new kind of bravery, but you will approach it with more of an unattachment. Your life will become more like a playground than a test. Fear will start to look less like a monster and more like a clown. 

I feel fear just like you. I get nervous every time I ask a girl out. I feel anxious every time I audition or perform as an actor. I even get nervous writing this blog. But I don't feed my fears. I let them pass by me like a breeze. I don't entertain them or serve them tea. I breath. I remind myself that whatever happens, it won't be the end of the world. I see the acronym YOLO (You Only Live Once)  a lot on social media. As a Buddhist it makes me chuckle because I believe in rebirth but I digress. But if you do only live once, I think if you do it right, once is enough. Don't live in fear, live out loud. Go for your dreams. Get the hottie. And for God's sake eat the cake and buy the damn shoes. 

  

6 Ways to Change Your Perspective for a Better Life

"These mountains that you are carrying, you were only suppose to climb." ~Najwa Zebian

For many of us, getting out of bed first thing in the morning is a daunting task. If I can get the bed made before I walk out of the door, I consider that a win. All of us have responsibilities to live up to. A lot of us have kids, a spouse, a job, debt, errands to run and the list goes on and on. We get lost in translation; lost in the distractions of our life. Even when we lay our heads down at night to rest, we lose sleep thinking about the events of today and worrying about tomorrow. We get completely engulfed in routine and in the machine of life. Here are a few suggestions to help you refocus, re energize, and shift your perspective from stress to rest.

Realize that money doesn't buy happiness.

One of the big follies in our time is that having money equals having happiness. Money does only one thing: it makes life more convenient. That's it. No more, no less. Money often creates suffering. The bigger the house you live in, the more there is to clean and the bigger your mortgage. The fancier the car you drive, the more you worry about someone damaging it. Quite often the more stuff we own, the stuff ends up owning us. Real happiness comes from inside you. If anything, the relationships we have with others also affects are true overall happiness more so than the Benjamins.

Stop looking for someone to "complete" you.

Relationships are a very important part of the human experience. We are communal creatures. But the Jerry McGuire romantic idea that there's a "better half" that completes you is truly Hollywood fiction. The good news is that, believe it or not, you are already complete! You just have to realize that. You do that by really getting to know yourself, spending time in nature by yourself, and giving yourself the freedom to be you. You must love yourself. If you are in search of your soul mate, take a look in the mirror. You are them. If you want to be loved, you must first be love.

Don't identify yourself by the color of your skin.
We have each been programmed since birth in several ways. One way, that is absolutely necessary to reprogram, is defining or identifying yourself by your skin. You must realize that your skin color is as much who you are as the car you drive. It isn't you at all! You are not your body. Just like you are not your car. Your body, your car, are just methods to transport your consciousness around the planet. Often times, we inadvertently manifest our own biases due to either a false sense of self, i.e. an inferiority complex, or a predetermined illusionary view of others. It's not real folks. Drop that burden from your shoulders right now. Your race, my race, their race, is human.

You are not a political party.
Right now, we are a nation divided. We generally categorize ourselves as either a Democrat or a Republican. It's become a "my team versus your team" climate. Truth is, most of us are truly neither one or the other but a mix of both political ideologies. Most of us want the same results for our country and for our lives but we have different ideas on how to achieve the goals. When we become engulfed in pledging some kind of an allegiance to a political party, we separate ourselves from others. But when we realize that most of us have common goals and we want to each be treated fairly and respectfully, we dissolve teams and we dissolve separateness. You are merely an energy of consciousness having a human experience; just like everybody else.

Live for the experience, not for the "selfies."
One of the most rewarding things you can do is step away from the computer, put down the phone, and go out into the world and have an adventure. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate; just fun. Rent a kayak. Get on a bicycle. Have a girl's night. Organize a poker party. Go exploring. Climb a tree. Learn to paint. Dip your toes into the ocean. Take in the moment. Really stop and observe. Forget your phone and forget capturing the scene on Instagram. Capture the moment in your mind, in your heart, in your breath. It's the little adventures we have with others that will mean more than attaining the approval or envy of others. Forget about the presentation of it and just live out loud.

Be the person that you are looking for in others.
If you want people to treat you kindly, then be kind. If you want others to be honest with you, be honest with people. If you want to find someone beautiful, then discover your own beauty first. Your vibe does attract your "tribe." If you do that does that mean everyone is going to mirror your behavior? Certainly not. We are all at different points in our own individual journeys. But I can promise you that like attracts like. And what you act like comes back to you in many forms. The most powerful thing you can be is yourself. Be the best version of that self that you can be and watch who enters (and exits) your life. It's magical!

Real change, real happiness, begins with our perspective. We must make conscious effort to understand ourselves; which in turn will help us to understand our circumstances and the world around us. You are the divine authority in your life. Higher forces may have made you, but your experience in life is your individual responsibility. Tame your mind. When you change your mind, you change. When you change, your life will change.

10 Behaviors You Need to Stop Right Now

"We create our fate every day... most of the ills we suffer from are directly traceable to our own behavior." - Henry Miller 

There is clearly an abundance of negativity in the world today. You can find all kinds of negative programming from social media, to magazines, and even the "news" now adays. It almost seems impossible to escape it. I guess you could try to live off the grid or bury your head in the sand. But I think the easier solution is to just shine your light in this dark world. We have to become more mindful of our thoughts and actions and put a little bit of effort into not changing but shifting to better individual behavior. Here's a list of behaviors that we should shift away from that contribute to negativity in our everyday lives.

Not responded to texts, emails, and messages.
If it's work, a friend, acquaintance, or someone you don't care two cents about; if they took the time from their day to text or message you, then you need to take a moment and respond. It's common courtesy. When you don't respond to people, what you are saying by your silence is, "You don't matter." That is a very nasty and disrespectful thing to convey to someone. If they give you their time, give them a moment of yours. You would want the same respect.

Continuously making negative political posts
You don't have to like politics or politicians but always trashing your country and its sitting president or representives does nothing good for you or anyone else. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you don't like who is in office, rather than complain endlessly and saying terrible things, show up on election day and vote. If your person still doesn't win, get over it and move on with your life. Your opinion doesn't change the world, your actions and attitude does.

Not saying, "thank you."
I'm not sure when manners went out of style, but it's time to at least dust off gratitude and say, "thank you" when it's applicable. If someone holds a door for you, tells you that they hope you have a good day, compliments you, or does something that in some way impacts your life for the better, thank them! It shows them that you acknowledge that they did something for you and that you are grateful. You have the power to make everyone around you feel appreciated. Do you want to feel appreciated? Yes. Spoiler alert- So does everyone else.

Interrupting people while they are speaking
Yeah, most of us are guilty of this one. Here's what happens when you interrupt someone speaking. No matter what you are saying, your message becomes- "Your opinion and voice are less important than mine. I wasn't even listening to half of what you were saying because I was busy thinking about what I was going to say." Pretty shitty, huh? If you will genuinely listen to others, you will learn so much AND you give people the spotlight to shine their light and feel like they truly have a voice. We all should have a voice.

Not letting people get over in traffic
Where are we going and why do we have to get there so fast? Why not let someone get in front of you in traffic when they need to? Often times that little bastard nasty called, the ego, takes the wheel, hits the gas, and says, "You aren't getting in front of me!" Next time when you see someone trying to get over, instead of making it a race car challenge, realize that they are in need. They need help. They are trying to get somewhere too. (Just like you). Letting people into your lane reduces stress for them, you, and surrounding motorists. It keeps traffic flowing and can prevent road rage. Remember, you are no more important than anyone else and no one is any more important than you.

Spending hours on social media
Social media has become an addiction for many of us. It has become the narcissist's crack. While you are busy worrying about trying to impress others, getting attention on your 800th "selfie," and trying to compare yourself with the Jones', your life is slipping away. On your death bed do you really think you are going to regret all the time you weren't on your phone? No. You are going to wish that you were more present in real life rather than always having your attention on your phone. Rather than making selfies, make memories. 

Being jealous 
Being jealous of anyone or anything is completely self inflicted and a mark of immaturity. It is as ridiculous as purposely banging your head into a wall. You are 100% responsible for yourself, your life, your happiness. No one else. If you don't like your life or you envy someone else, take the energy and time you spend being jealous and apply it to reshaping your life into something more. We can't always choose the cards we are dealt but we can choose how the hell we play the hand.

Being easily offended
Folks, no one can hurt your feelings or offend you without your consent. Every one is different. Not every one is going to agree with you, like you, or support your way of life. When you get offended easily, it should tell you that perhaps you are not fully comfortable or secure within your own self. By letting people get under your skin with their non sense, you waste your energy, time, and you throw away your own inner peace. We need to love ourselves more than that. We are all on a spiritual journey and each one of us is at a different point in those journeys. Realize that. Embrace that. Let it go.

Being overly busy
I love the line, "Never be so busy making a living that you forget to make a life." Does that describe you? Always hustling. I know life is a struggle. It's expensive. It's demanding. It's time consuming. But ask yourself, how many more days do you have on this earth? How many more moments will you get with your loved ones? Life is fragile. Life is not about stuff. I've seen too many wealthy people commit suicide or waste away on drugs and alcohol. So we can infer that joy doesn't come from money, status, or stuff. Your joy radiates from within. It's in the most simplest of moments. Slow down. Don't let your life pass you by. The ride ends too quickly anyway.

Settling
 I don't know at what point when we become adults that many of us stop dreaming. We stop going after our goals. We stay in bad marriages. We settle for jobs that make us miserable. All the while we believe that this is life and it won't get any better. I say, "bullshit." If you have a desire in you that continues to come up in your heart, you owe it to yourself to go after it. Whether it's a career change, a relationship change, or a childhood dream... go for it. Your life is what YOU make it. No one else. If you are alive, then YOU are still writing YOUR story and you can change the chapters however you see fit. If you are happy and satisfied with life then great. Congratulations. If you aren't, then start visualizing what you want, work on it every single day, and don't quit on it. Dreams don't work unless YOU DO.

We become more aware of our actions when we recognize it's effect on others. It's often the smallest things that leave the biggest impression on people. You are incredibly powerful. You can lift others up or you can pull them down. The choice is yours. Knowledge is recognizing destructive behaviors. Wisdom is making the shift to better behavior.

6 Ways to be a Chivalrous Partner

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." - Wayne Dyer

There is arguably a sharp decline in both chivalry and the idea of masculinity within our society today. Because of this decline, you may have noticed, (if you are over 30), that men don't seem to be as eager to demonstrate the courtesy and respect toward their partners as they once did. Likewise, their partners don't seem to be as willing to appreciate the small gestures of respect that made men particularly chivalrous to begin with. Here are a few tips for men AND women to help show and receive chivalrous respect from one another.  

Hold the door...
Just open and hold the door for your spouse. If you are the driving, before you get into your vehicle, unlock and open the door for the person you are dating. Likewise, if you are entering a restaurant, open and hold the door for the other person. This simple action shows both respect and chivalry. And if you are with someone who opens the door for you, don't think it's because they feel you can't open a door for yourself. I'm sure they know you are strong and capable. It's a sign of respect. Just appreciate their courtesy and always say, thank you.

Tell them they are beautiful / handsome
If you are with someone who you genuinely feel is attractive, tell them. How easy is that? Just stop, look at them, and tell them that you find them attractive. It doesn't matter if you are casually dating the person, are in a committed dating relationship with them, or you have been married 40 years. Don't just think that they "know." It is your job as a partner to remind them regularly that they are beautiful. If you don't, someone else will.

Ask about their day first
We all have tons of things going on in our busy lives. At the end of the day, when you are with your partner, just stop and ask them how their day was and allow them time to tell you all about it before talking about your day. Listen and pay attention to them as if you were watching your favorite show. When you demonstrate that kind of interest in a person, it will make them confident that you really care and are truly invested in them and your relationship.

Don't go "Dutch." 
If you are in a relationship or plan on getting into one with a specific person, you will surely share multiple meals together. When you go Dutch (splitting the check), you are signaling that you are not investing in the courtship because you don't see it going much further. Also, forget that the man always has to pay cliche. This is truly an out dated and sexist idea. Nowadays, life is expensive and often times more difficult than it used to be. It sometimes takes two people just to survive. It's not realistic to think it's okay to have only one person drain their bank account all the time. Alternate paying for dates. It shows appreciation for both parties and your future together.

Practice mindful listening
When you are with someone, be with them. Don't be on your phone or the internet. It's incredibly disrespectful. Put your devices down. Those distractions will be there even if that person is not. Don't try to dominate the conversation either. When you listen to someone, don't talk over them or think about what you are going to say next while the other person is speaking. If you are present and mindful as you listen, you convey a message of genuine interest and appreciation in the other person. You might actually learn something from them too. Win. Win.

Love without attachment
One of the Four Noble Truths is that attachment is the cause of suffering. When we attach ourselves to anything or anyone, we manifest our own stress and suffering. We must realize that we are already perfectly complete and need no other to make us whole. To do this, we must be comfortable within ourselves and love ourselves. Jealousy, fear, and anxiety are often symptoms of relationships that have a person(s) that aren't fully realized. If we recognize that when we are in a relationship with someone, we should be there because we want that person in our life, not that we need the person in our life. This frees us up to truly love without "white knuckling" the person and causing the relationship unnecessary stress and strain.

Far too often we get so wrapped up in the fast pace of life that we forget to take little moments and truly show respect and appreciation to the ones that matter the most to us. You don't have to be John Wayne to be chivalrous nor do you have to be a damsel in distress to except and appreciate good old fashioned manners. There are no knights in shinning armor riding into the sunset but there are still as many opportunities as you make to be the partner that you want to have....

10 Strategies for Talking Politics and Religion Without Arguing

"Better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool than to speak and remove all doubt." - Mark Twain

Recently while I was working my part time job, I had the opportunity to take part in a discussion about religion with a couple of co workers. (A dicey thing to talk about at work, especially since I'm a practicing Buddhist, might I add.) One of my co workers, a young man from Texas, had started going to church this year and apparently he felt the need to share with me and our other co worker his convictions about Jesus. To make a long story short, I asked the young man several things about the bible and several questions in regards to the science of life. The young man couldn't answer my questions. Frustrated, he left the office as fast as he could.
My other co worker, a Christian, and I, talked about the bible, creation, theology, science, and God for over an hour and a half. No yelling. No arguing. Not even a debate. At one point my co worker stopped and said, "You know we've been talking for nearly two hours about religion and neither of us have gotten mad or offended. Why do you think that is?"

Pretty simple, really. Here are a few ways to talk religion or politics with anyone without having it turn into an argument:

1) Don't try to persuade the other person to agree with you.
One of the biggest mistakes we make is we try to seize the conversation as an opportunity to "change" someone's mind. It's like we have this insecure need to feel like we are right and our opinion is the gospel truth. Unless you're on a soapbox, don't try to make your dialogue seem like you are on one.

2) Be educated about the subject matter that you are speaking about.
If you are talking about the bible, you need to be well versed on the bible. If you are talking politics, know current events and how it relates to what you are saying. Be prepared to back up, not defend,  your opinion with facts, not just your theories.

3) Be a good listener.
It shows respect to the person you are speaking with and makes them feel that what they have to say is just as important as what you are saying. (Because it is.) If you allow people the opportunity to make their point, they are less likely to be confrontational in trying to get their message out.

4) Give the person "space."
You have to give people room to feel and express themselves. Try to make them feel like you aren't judging them on their opinion, even if you completely disagree with them. Doing so is an act of respect and humility.

5) Keep in mind that you might be wrong and that's okay. 
You don't have to always be right. You can even... change your mind! It is not a sign of weakness or inferiority to be open to changing your opinion about something. The point of discussion is to broaden perspective and understand where one another is coming from.

6) Don't be attached to the words you say or hear.
Often when we hear something that doesn't agree with our values or opinions, we immediately get offended and defensive. When this happens, it indicates that we have unnecessarily attached feeling and emotion to words or ideas. That, just in plain conversation, is ridiculous. You can believe what you believe without feeling threatened by alternative views. Your world is your own.

7) Know the difference between fact and your ego.
No one can offend you or hurt you without your permission. When words penetrate you or you feel the need to debate, that is a cue that your ego is leading the conversation. Lead with facts. Facts are provable. Opinion is not necessarily able to be proven. You don't need validation from the other person to support your beliefs. Your mind is enough. It's okay to believe differently.

8) Remember that everyone is different and has had a totally different life experience than you.
We forget that we are each having individual human experiences; Very different from one another. Even siblings have their own unique lives and see the world through different eyes. People will often come to different conclusions about various things because of this. This process is called, life.

9) Perspective means more than being right or wrong.
Just because you feel a certain way about a topic or situation, that doesn't mean you are "right." Just because the other person sees things  differently than you, doesn't mean they are "wrong." Sometimes both opinions can be right, depending on perspective. Always look from many vantage points; It will build character and help you grow.

10) Don't yell, curse, or condescend the other person.
Right? You can't defuse a situation or keep a conversation civil if you can't maintain control of your tone, language, or inflection. Communication may be 75% non verbal, but name calling and cursing is 100% bad communication.

So often we forget that we are all works in progress, always in development. We confuse challenge with educational opportunities to grow. I don't know it all. You don't know it all. And it's okay. In fact life would be pretty dull if we had it all figured out. So listen more than you speak. Respect others as yourself. And let people be people. Namaste.

8 Things I've Learned About Life From Being a Working Actor

Life is a process, a work in progress. Our perspective, our personality, our biases, and how we define ourselves is based on the individual experiences that we have during our life. When we look back we can see how things have changed us, shaped us, and taught us lessons. I have had the privilege of becoming a television and film actor over the last number of years; an experience few get to be a part of. Here are some of the things I've learned so far from this experience...

                          

95% of people will only be interested in you when you are winning

It always amazes me how every time I'm filming or I book a role, my social media blows up and my phone buzzes like a perpetual earthquake. I receive messages from people I haven't heard from in months (even years). But the times between the shows, the lows, the waiting, (the disappointments), all of those "cheering" and supportive people seem to disappear. The truth is the majority of folks are so preoccupied with themselves that their level of care or connection to others is topical at best. The people that truly care for you, will want nothing from you, and will always be there for you. Those folks are going to be few and far between no matter how successful you think you are.

Fame, money, and influence is fleeting

Working on a film set, you are meeting all kinds of people. Those people will usually act interested in you for the duration of production. But their interest in you is generally superficial, kind of like small talk in an elevator. When you are making a name for yourself and the dough is coming in, people will want to know you. When there's a pause in the ride, a break in the action, you often find yourself alone.
My acting coach once said, "The cycle of fame is like this: Who is Jeff Sandor? - Get me Jeff Sandor! - I need a 'Jeff Sandor type.' - Who is Jeff Sandor?"  When the money is spent, it doesn't come back. You always have to work more to make more. When people surround you and you have nothing to offer them, they are genuine. The lesson here is: You are not your body, your car, your bank account, or your social media. It's all going to disappear. You are truth, consciousness, and bliss. That's all you have. Love is abundant and we should love people abundantly.

You are in competition with no one but yourself

Sitting in the audition room always has the same vibe. It's like a job interview on steroids. It's tense situation and most everyone in the waiting area with you sees you as competition. They glare at you like you are taking the last hamburger at the Sunday barbeque. People get so wrapped up in the other people in the room, sizing them up, tearing them down, that they forget about what they bring to the table. They mentally beat themselves before uttering their first line of dialogue. In life, you are the hero in your story. No one is as good at playing you as you are. (Even if you are "playing" a role.) So don't worry about what anyone else thinks or is doing. The most powerful thing you can be is yourself.  

Your job is not your identity 

You see it a lot. People often define themselves by the jobs they do, the money they make, the titles they carry. Whatever you do for a living, you have to step back, reflect, and be comfortable in your own skin. I've seen amateur actors who, in all reality, are fairly average people, totally unrecognizable outside of their home town, but all they do on social media is post about acting or gigs or pictures of themselves. No real content with any substance or stance. People create for themselves a kind of dual identity. They get so caught up in maintaining an image and an imaginary  expectation, that they lose their true self and they become buried under the stress and burden of keeping up this illusion. We hold a personal pressure that people are as fascinated with ourselves as we are. Truth is, people are innately more concerned with their own selves then what you have going on. 

Some people will just want you to fail

That's right. Some people just want to see you fall on your face. Why? Because they hate you? Probably not. Usually, the reason is these people either aren't as brave as you or are not as driven. So for them, it's much easier to scoff at you going after your goals and continuing to knock you for doing it rather than them getting up and going for their own individual dreams. So the healthiest thing for you to do is to keep moving forward and not take their attitude personally. The lesson is that often times the way people treat you is not a reflection of you, but a reflection of themselves.

How you treat others is more memorable than making movies

We often underestimate our own individual influence on how we impact the people around us. I've heard horror stories about actors being absolutely obnoxious to crew, to directors, and to co stars. I've been on the receiving end of such poor behavior when I worked on a particular network show with the lead female actor. (She was later recast the following season. Karma.) Your reputation will always proceed you. Maybe what you do isn't a big deal to you, but for some people around you, you may be the part of the story they tell over and over for years. After I worked on Netflix's, "House of Cards," I never talked much about what I did, but I always talked about how kind and beautiful Robin Wright was with me and how amazing it was to work with her. When you are in a position to make someone's day and give them the gift of joy just by treating them well, do it. Whether you treat people well or treat them badly, people will always remember you for it.  

Ego kills relationships and careers
The ego is like a child. The ego demands control, attention, praise, and power. None of these things will bring you any peace or bring peace to anyone else. What it will do is put unnecessary stress and burdens on those around you. It will become a huge wedge between you and other people. The ego is insecure and demands reassurance that it is great. You cannot be a fully developed human if you are only concerned with yourself. What you seek for yourself, you must first give to others. This is humility. No matter what we achieve in our careers, our bank accounts, or how many social media followers we have, no one is any better or any worse than anyone else. Besides, cancer doesn't care how famous you are. Remember that. 

Not everyone is treated the same
I talked to the director of photography on a recent commercial I was working on during a break. He told me something fascinating. He said that, one of the differences between the "talent"[the actors] and the crew is that the talent can mess up a take numerous times and no one gets on them about it but no one behind the camera can mess up a take. If they do, they can be fired. I never worked as crew and had never thought about it until then, but he was right. There was clearly different standards for different people. On a film set, it depends on your job. Looking back, I can promise you I get treated a lot better being an actor then during the days when I was an extra. I was raised to treat everyone the same. There exists a hierarchy on set, and in many instances, in life. Our duty is to simply show up  in life and treat every single person we meet the same way as we would want to be treated.  

I've learned these lessons not just from watching other people but because I sometimes was those people. I lived many years being egotistical, selfish, self-centered, insecure, hateful and insensitive to those around me many times. My hope is that you, dear reader, will take these words and become more aware of your own being and avoid many of the pitfalls that I have seen and have been apart of. We are all enduring the human condition. We are all unsure of things. We are all winging it. But we also are all in this together. The segregations and limitations we place on life is purely self inflicted... and can be changed...

Meditation- What it is and What it's not

"What you think, you become." - Buddha

There is seemingly as much confusion as there is popularity about the ancient way of meditation. Though widely practiced for thousands of years by many people from all walks of life and faiths, meditation is still a topic of misunderstanding. I have meditated on and off for many years while doing martial arts and also in recent years as part of my study of Buddhism. Here are some insights that I would like to share that I hope can give you clarity on what meditation is, what it isn't, and why everyone should be doing it.

Meditation is breathing and being present
There is no chanting. There are no special robes to wear. There is no need for beads, incense, or a full lotus position. Meditation begins with mindful breathing. When you focus on each breath, you bring yourself into the present moment. When you repeatedly practice bringing your mind in the present, a couple of things gradually happen; One, you are able to remain calm longer in times of stress and two, you are able to separate reality from anxiety more clearly. Too often we get ourselves spun up in our own minds because of our fears, worries, anger. We dwell in the painful past and we have made up worrisome fantasies about the future. These self inflicted monsters can steal our peace if we let them. We can learn to recognize them and stop these triggers before they take hold our emotions and our inner peace.

Meditation is not about emptying your mind, it's about shrinking your thoughts
Forget about the old Kung Fu movies. Much of that stuff is folklore. The fact is our minds are like computers. They fire thoughts continuously about this or project worry about that. The mind reacts to everything. Our minds seemingly manifest thoughts and ideas even when we are trying to not think. They do it even when we sleep. It's involuntary! Meditation teaches us to focus on the breath or focus on a particular issue for self exploration. You may or may not be able to stop thinking, but you can teach your mind how to focus. You learn to recognize these random thoughts and instead of feeding them, you let them leave your mind like a cloud a passing in the sky. Through meditation you can teach yourself how to tame your mind. Who wouldn't want to worry less or be able to focus better?

It's not about religion, it is a psychology of self
A lot of people, particularly Christians, run from meditation. The thinking with many of them is that when you sit still and meditate, you open yourself up to spirits and demons. Actually nothing could be more further from the truth. This is truly superstitious non sense. Meditation is mentioned over 28 times in both the old and new testament of the bible. Which none of the verses say anything against meditation, rather they seem to encourage it! Relaxing the mind and body is therapeutic. There is nothing wrong or dangerous about quieting your mind and looking within your self for understanding, peace, and clarity. When we give some quiet space inside ourselves, we provide the opportunity for important self realizations that otherwise we may have not acknowledged as we go through our busy days. Psychology, like meditation, can be describe as the study of the self or mind.

Meditation is used to gain self knowledge and peace
When you just sit with yourself, quietly, breathing, you gain insight into who you really are. All of the barriers and false narratives slowly dissipate. You begin to teach yourself how to recognize and release toxic thoughts and behaviors that steal your peace. With habitual meditation, you will understand yourself better and the world around you. This occurs because during meditation, it's all you. There's no one else to turn to. There's just sitting and basking in who and what you are. I think people are frightened by having to look inside themselves. We are afraid of having to unearth many of the traumas of childhood or having to face the "uglies" of our character. Growth comes from sorting through your mental and emotional baggage. The more we delve into those depths, the stronger and better we reemerge as people.

You don't need to sit down cross legged in a forest to meditate.
While I do a more formal meditation at home every day, I also do "short burst" meditations throughout my day. What I do is I will periodically just sit down in a chair, with my eyes open, and I take 5 to 10 mindful breaths. (by mindful I mean I concentrate on each breath.) I think about nothing but each breath. What this does is it brings me back to the present moment and it helps my body to relax which relieves mental and physical stress, particularly during a work day. I also do "walking meditation." This is done by walking instead of being seated and taking the same mindful breaths. You can do this in a park, or going to lunch, or even going across the parking lot before you enter work. It's a wonderful form of meditation that you can do to prepare for the day and no one will ever be able to tell that you're doing it!

When you tame your mind, you change
When you change your mind, everything changes. Perception of life, perception of self and others, all begins within the mind. If your mind runs wild each day, how much clarity and insight do you expect to have? By practicing meditation habitually; taming, softening, and calming the mind becomes much more easy to do. As you learn how to settle into yourself more comfortably, you will notice that how you see yourself will change for the better. And likewise, how you see others and the world around you will change. You will take on a special clarity about life.

You gradually become aware of your connection to all things
When you meditate daily, after sometime, you will begin to understand yourself and your true nature. When we can observe and understand ourselves more clearly, we can identify how connected we all are. By seeing and understanding this connection, your ego will begin to dissolve. When we dissolve the ego, our intentions and approach to life and to others begins to shift to a higher level of being. We begin to see and understand that our eyes lie to us. We figure out that we are not our skin, our clothes, our cars. We are not our job, our bodies, or our religion. We see that we are all the same. When ego dies, unity and connection can remain. No wonder that some groups are opposed to meditation!

It isn't magic. It isn't witchcraft or religion. Meditation is simply bathing within the temple that the divine made for you. Meditation is the battery for the mind. It is a natural way to understand yourself and become more comfortable in your own skin and at the same time, better understanding your journey. Wayne Dyer said, "If prayer is you talking to God, then intuition is God talking to you." I would say that meditation is an invitation to intuition. It is by this intuition that we truly learn to understand our true self.