There is arguably a sharp decline in both chivalry and the idea of masculinity within our society today. Because of this decline, you may have noticed, (if you are over 30), that men don't seem to be as eager to demonstrate the courtesy and respect toward their partners as they once did. Likewise, their partners don't seem to be as willing to appreciate the small gestures of respect that made men particularly chivalrous to begin with. Here are a few tips for men AND women to help show and receive chivalrous respect from one another.
Hold the door...
Just open and hold the door for your spouse. If you are the driving, before you get into your vehicle, unlock and open the door for the person you are dating. Likewise, if you are entering a restaurant, open and hold the door for the other person. This simple action shows both respect and chivalry. And if you are with someone who opens the door for you, don't think it's because they feel you can't open a door for yourself. I'm sure they know you are strong and capable. It's a sign of respect. Just appreciate their courtesy and always say, thank you.
Tell them they are beautiful / handsome
If you are with someone who you genuinely feel is attractive, tell them. How easy is that? Just stop, look at them, and tell them that you find them attractive. It doesn't matter if you are casually dating the person, are in a committed dating relationship with them, or you have been married 40 years. Don't just think that they "know." It is your job as a partner to remind them regularly that they are beautiful. If you don't, someone else will.
Ask about their day first
We all have tons of things going on in our busy lives. At the end of the day, when you are with your partner, just stop and ask them how their day was and allow them time to tell you all about it before talking about your day. Listen and pay attention to them as if you were watching your favorite show. When you demonstrate that kind of interest in a person, it will make them confident that you really care and are truly invested in them and your relationship.
Don't go "Dutch."
If you are in a relationship or plan on getting into one with a specific person, you will surely share multiple meals together. When you go Dutch (splitting the check), you are signaling that you are not investing in the courtship because you don't see it going much further. Also, forget that the man always has to pay cliche. This is truly an out dated and sexist idea. Nowadays, life is expensive and often times more difficult than it used to be. It sometimes takes two people just to survive. It's not realistic to think it's okay to have only one person drain their bank account all the time. Alternate paying for dates. It shows appreciation for both parties and your future together.
Practice mindful listening
When you are with someone, be with them. Don't be on your phone or the internet. It's incredibly disrespectful. Put your devices down. Those distractions will be there even if that person is not. Don't try to dominate the conversation either. When you listen to someone, don't talk over them or think about what you are going to say next while the other person is speaking. If you are present and mindful as you listen, you convey a message of genuine interest and appreciation in the other person. You might actually learn something from them too. Win. Win.
Love without attachment
One of the Four Noble Truths is that attachment is the cause of suffering. When we attach ourselves to anything or anyone, we manifest our own stress and suffering. We must realize that we are already perfectly complete and need no other to make us whole. To do this, we must be comfortable within ourselves and love ourselves. Jealousy, fear, and anxiety are often symptoms of relationships that have a person(s) that aren't fully realized. If we recognize that when we are in a relationship with someone, we should be there because we want that person in our life, not that we need the person in our life. This frees us up to truly love without "white knuckling" the person and causing the relationship unnecessary stress and strain.
Far too often we get so wrapped up in the fast pace of life that we forget to take little moments and truly show respect and appreciation to the ones that matter the most to us. You don't have to be John Wayne to be chivalrous nor do you have to be a damsel in distress to except and appreciate good old fashioned manners. There are no knights in shinning armor riding into the sunset but there are still as many opportunities as you make to be the partner that you want to have....
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