"We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that may prove to be." ~ May Sarton
Stop wanting things from others.
Americans have become conditioned to getting into relationships for the purpose of how they benefit us. We join churches for networking. We brown nose our bosses. We hold our tongue to keep clients. The list goes on and on. Ultimately people will never deliver to you what you truly seek. They will always fail you in some regard. When you do things for others without expectation of something in return, you will have much more honest and less disappointing relationships. You will attract people who are more genuine and good hearted as well.
Realize that you define your life, no one else does.
You are in control of you. That is what being an adult is all about: personal accountability. Too often people have this "blueprint" of how they have been taught that their life is suppose to be: Grow up. Go to college. Get in debt. Get a career. Get married. Buy a house. Have 2.5 kids. blah, blah, blah! That "blueprint" is actually someone else's idea of life. It doesn't have to be yours. You can stay single, buy a van, and ride across the country working odd jobs. You can be an artist, a song writer, or a baby maker. Whatever you do, just don't fall into the trap of living a life that someone else designed. Live your life, your way.
Be true to yourself.
I always knew I was different. Growing up I wasn't interested in sports. I liked to draw. I liked to write poems. I was fascinated by outer space and the thought of alien life. I loved acting. I knew I was supposed to be an artist of some kind. But for a point in my adult life I denied all of that. I got the "crew" cut. I went to college. Got in debt from school loans. Got married. Became a cop. Found myself shackled to a woman that I didn't love, in a career that I didn't like, doing shit that I dreaded to do, in a costume that I hated wearing. I was miserable. I became a toxic angry person. But like all the stories about the forks in the road of life, one day I decided to zigg when everyone else zagged. I got divorced. I dropped out of college. I became an actor and model. I quit my job. I started painting and writing. I left church and became a Buddhist. And guess what? I became a much happier person.
Be comfortable saying 'No' to people.
When you say yes to everyone and everything you inevitably will over commit yourself and you will find yourself doing a lot of shit you don't want to do. But people do it all the time! Why? Well most of us feel obligated and we don't want to let others down. It's good to be unselfish and put others first but you have to balance that with putting you first part of the time too. People who are worth your time will understand if you tell them no. And if they don't, chances are they don't care or respect you enough for you to even deal with them. That's a good way to see who is genuine and who is using you. There is nothing wrong with taking time for you, doing things that you enjoy, without expectations of others. Plus, saying 'no' is empowering!
Embrace your inner child.
I really, really, really like comic books. I have a huge collection. I play video games for at least an hour a day. Oh, and bike riding and tree climbing, I love those things too. Cartoons? Yes... yes... I will still sit with a big bowl of cereal and watch some of the cartoons that I grew up with and be just as happy now as I was when I was a kid. Sound crazy? Maybe. But I don't care. Doing these things makes me happy. It makes me smile. It makes me remember that my life is what I make it. What's crazier than all of this is that for years I did things and refrained from doing other things because I was scared of what people would think of me. We often fall victim to the expectations of society at the cost of our creativity.
Do the good things that you love without explanation.
Spoiler alert: A lot of people are not going to "get" you and that's okay. If you like sitting in bed and reading murder mysteries every Sunday then do it. At 38 years old I took up playing the ukulele. Why? Because I wanted to. It makes me happy. No other explanation needed. When we stop trying to justify our tastes, our beliefs, our hobbies, we become free of the burden of concern. We take the pressure of other people's opinions off of our shoulders and we shift our focus on our own well being. We become free to decide what we love and what makes us happy. When you do that you live a much more rich and full life.
Be honest.
Sounds simple enough, right? So why is it so hard for many of us to do? We lie to ourselves. We lie to others and for what? So we can perpetuate a false identity and find validation in the opinions of people who probably don't really matter to us to begin with? When you live your life based on the expectations of others you end up trapped in a life that you didn't want in the first place. That's not fair to you or anyone else around you. Like I explained earlier in this blog, I too once lived a life based off what people told me that I should do rather than be honest with them and myself and carve out my own path in life. Being fake is a far worse way of living than being who you are.
Realize that it's not you against the world.
One of the greatest lies so many of us believe is that we are separate and apart from the world and from other beings. The fact is we are all one; it's just not many people remember that. In nature, the same rain that can cause floods also provides the same water to sustain life. The same sun that causes skin cancer also provides vitamin D and is essential for life. Nature is nether for you nor against you. It's the same in life. The enemies that you have are the enemies that you have labeled. Your survival in life is based off of very simple needs. Our ego runs off of desires not needs. Realization of this is the key to a peaceful heart.
Stop trying to impress people that you don't like.
For a long time I tried very hard to fit in with the local "actors" in my community. But something always felt off about most of them to me. There was this underlying disingenuous feeling that seemed to surround them. Then one day it hit me. I really, really, really didn't like these people. These people... were fake. And here I was worrying about fitting in. I found myself spending stupendous amounts of time and energy trying to get these people to like me so I could belong in some make believe circle. Truth was I didn't want to sit around all day in a coffee shop talking about "the craft." I wanted to talk about the universe, relationships, and real life. I didn't give a damn about short films and who was directing what. I was again living someone else's "blueprint." I wasn't being honest with them or myself. Not long after I stopped giving a shit about what they thought and I shifted my energy into training and doing things my own way, that's when I started working as an actor and I started find much more success than the phony people who I tried to fit in with.
When you live a life of authenticity, you open the door to your own happiness and well being. It is only be taking off the masks we wear that we can truly be beautiful. Namaste.
