Meditation- What it is and What it's not

"What you think, you become." - Buddha

There is seemingly as much confusion as there is popularity about the ancient way of meditation. Though widely practiced for thousands of years by many people from all walks of life and faiths, meditation is still a topic of misunderstanding. I have meditated on and off for many years while doing martial arts and also in recent years as part of my study of Buddhism. Here are some insights that I would like to share that I hope can give you clarity on what meditation is, what it isn't, and why everyone should be doing it.

Meditation is breathing and being present
There is no chanting. There are no special robes to wear. There is no need for beads, incense, or a full lotus position. Meditation begins with mindful breathing. When you focus on each breath, you bring yourself into the present moment. When you repeatedly practice bringing your mind in the present, a couple of things gradually happen; One, you are able to remain calm longer in times of stress and two, you are able to separate reality from anxiety more clearly. Too often we get ourselves spun up in our own minds because of our fears, worries, anger. We dwell in the painful past and we have made up worrisome fantasies about the future. These self inflicted monsters can steal our peace if we let them. We can learn to recognize them and stop these triggers before they take hold our emotions and our inner peace.

Meditation is not about emptying your mind, it's about shrinking your thoughts
Forget about the old Kung Fu movies. Much of that stuff is folklore. The fact is our minds are like computers. They fire thoughts continuously about this or project worry about that. The mind reacts to everything. Our minds seemingly manifest thoughts and ideas even when we are trying to not think. They do it even when we sleep. It's involuntary! Meditation teaches us to focus on the breath or focus on a particular issue for self exploration. You may or may not be able to stop thinking, but you can teach your mind how to focus. You learn to recognize these random thoughts and instead of feeding them, you let them leave your mind like a cloud a passing in the sky. Through meditation you can teach yourself how to tame your mind. Who wouldn't want to worry less or be able to focus better?

It's not about religion, it is a psychology of self
A lot of people, particularly Christians, run from meditation. The thinking with many of them is that when you sit still and meditate, you open yourself up to spirits and demons. Actually nothing could be more further from the truth. This is truly superstitious non sense. Meditation is mentioned over 28 times in both the old and new testament of the bible. Which none of the verses say anything against meditation, rather they seem to encourage it! Relaxing the mind and body is therapeutic. There is nothing wrong or dangerous about quieting your mind and looking within your self for understanding, peace, and clarity. When we give some quiet space inside ourselves, we provide the opportunity for important self realizations that otherwise we may have not acknowledged as we go through our busy days. Psychology, like meditation, can be describe as the study of the self or mind.

Meditation is used to gain self knowledge and peace
When you just sit with yourself, quietly, breathing, you gain insight into who you really are. All of the barriers and false narratives slowly dissipate. You begin to teach yourself how to recognize and release toxic thoughts and behaviors that steal your peace. With habitual meditation, you will understand yourself better and the world around you. This occurs because during meditation, it's all you. There's no one else to turn to. There's just sitting and basking in who and what you are. I think people are frightened by having to look inside themselves. We are afraid of having to unearth many of the traumas of childhood or having to face the "uglies" of our character. Growth comes from sorting through your mental and emotional baggage. The more we delve into those depths, the stronger and better we reemerge as people.

You don't need to sit down cross legged in a forest to meditate.
While I do a more formal meditation at home every day, I also do "short burst" meditations throughout my day. What I do is I will periodically just sit down in a chair, with my eyes open, and I take 5 to 10 mindful breaths. (by mindful I mean I concentrate on each breath.) I think about nothing but each breath. What this does is it brings me back to the present moment and it helps my body to relax which relieves mental and physical stress, particularly during a work day. I also do "walking meditation." This is done by walking instead of being seated and taking the same mindful breaths. You can do this in a park, or going to lunch, or even going across the parking lot before you enter work. It's a wonderful form of meditation that you can do to prepare for the day and no one will ever be able to tell that you're doing it!

When you tame your mind, you change
When you change your mind, everything changes. Perception of life, perception of self and others, all begins within the mind. If your mind runs wild each day, how much clarity and insight do you expect to have? By practicing meditation habitually; taming, softening, and calming the mind becomes much more easy to do. As you learn how to settle into yourself more comfortably, you will notice that how you see yourself will change for the better. And likewise, how you see others and the world around you will change. You will take on a special clarity about life.

You gradually become aware of your connection to all things
When you meditate daily, after sometime, you will begin to understand yourself and your true nature. When we can observe and understand ourselves more clearly, we can identify how connected we all are. By seeing and understanding this connection, your ego will begin to dissolve. When we dissolve the ego, our intentions and approach to life and to others begins to shift to a higher level of being. We begin to see and understand that our eyes lie to us. We figure out that we are not our skin, our clothes, our cars. We are not our job, our bodies, or our religion. We see that we are all the same. When ego dies, unity and connection can remain. No wonder that some groups are opposed to meditation!

It isn't magic. It isn't witchcraft or religion. Meditation is simply bathing within the temple that the divine made for you. Meditation is the battery for the mind. It is a natural way to understand yourself and become more comfortable in your own skin and at the same time, better understanding your journey. Wayne Dyer said, "If prayer is you talking to God, then intuition is God talking to you." I would say that meditation is an invitation to intuition. It is by this intuition that we truly learn to understand our true self.

5 Ways We Divide Ourselves in the 21st Century

"Differences will always exist, but division doesn't have to result." - Beth Moore

What we need now more than ever is unity. Total unity. We need to recognize it. America seems to be so shattered. Our communities are becoming more and more divided. Why? What's the point? What do we win if "our side" or "our team" is the last one standing? We, the people, have separated ourselves in many ways. Here are a few that we can examine and hopefully begin to change.

Politics

Whether you tune into "the news" or get information filtered down through social media, it is overwhelmingly clear that Americans have divided themselves into mainly two groups: Republican (conservative) and Democrat (liberal). The nasty side effect has been a split nation that has been at each other's throats. The political label that we place on ourselves now seems to serve as a personal qualifier of character. The reality is that these political parties are nothing more than a collection of ideas with their own respective ways of prioritizing and solving particular issues. It's not made to be a standard of character and therefore should not be judged by it. People have lost relationships with family members, friends, and partners over the last US election.

The fix. Space... Give one another space. We must respect the opinions of others and remain open minded enough to listen to ideas beyond our own. We are all learning. Give people the space to make their own choices. You don't have to agree but we don't have to turn our backs on people for having an alternate opinion.  

Color

People are doing two things with color - first, they label themselves and secondly- they play the assigned role, either as an extreme victim or they personify illusionary guilt. People are taught hate. They are taught to cling to these imaginary roles. We have modern day people projecting an idea of entitlement because of alleged oppression based on the suffering of other people. And by consequence we have people who take on guilt because of a false sense of responsibility due to the terrible actions of other unconnected people. Collectively these two elements provide fuel for the flames of division and continue to perpetuate a now eradicated cultural norm.

The fix. Anyone playing the role of the victim should understand "personal accountability" and see that their life is in fact in their own hands. There is no one to thank or blame but ones self. The next is getting rid of false guilt. To feel guilty is to take on responsibility for a mistake. If you didn't make the mistake then why would you feel guilty? Why burden your heart because of the horrific missteps of historical people? Let go of both these and really embrace a more even playing field.

Religion
"Hello darkness my old friend." Again, people refuse to give others space to have their own ideas. Humans have this insatiable need to feel right. We cling to our ideas sometimes to the point of absolute insanity. I think in regards to religion, many people hold onto their beliefs out of straight up fear. Fear of death. Fear of being wrong. Fear of hell.
The fix. Respect yourself enough to do your own research, explore your own path, and think for yourself. At the same time, give people the respect to believe what they want to believe (as long as it isn't harmful.) One of the many lessons in life is spiritual growth; not being right.

Money
Often times, we define ourselves and others by material possessions. We burden ourselves with this unnecessary stress. However, success should not be measured by wealth of pocket, but by joy and happiness. The fix. Once you understand that less really is more and that the things you own, you just borrow because you can't take them with you in death. There is no amount of money that will make you a happy or good person. Some of the happiest people in the world are in some of the poorest nations. They understand that it's not your relationship with money or gold that makes you happy, it's your relationships with people that do.  

Ego
People have a false sense of "self"- meaning who they think they are. Many people believe they are the person in the mirror. They are their abs, their bodies, their car, their house, their bank accounts, their political party, their job. The fix. Honestly, we have to do away with our egos. We have to look to a higher perspective and understanding of the real self. Not the temporary self. Once we do that, we can see and understand our connection to each other. If you mentally strip away everything that makes us different, then you are left with all the things that make us the same. Commonality is the breeding ground for understanding.

It takes the same amount of energy and mindfulness to build community and unity as it does to divide the masses. It is an individual effort to understand who you are and how we all fit together in this world. It takes little wisdom and education to realize that we are not in competition with anyone and we are responsible for our own lives.

8 Mistakes We Are Making On Social Media

"If you want to miscommunicate with someone, type it out." ~ J.S. Sandor

With the aid of technology and social media, people should be able to connect, communicate, network, and keep in touch more easily now than ever. We should be able to get accurate news, have an uncensored platform to exchange ideas, and be more accessible to people we care about. Unfortunately that isn't always the case. It seems that the more "connected" we are on social media, the more disconnected we ultimately have become. Here are some of the mistakes that myself and many others have made and some continue to make using social media.

Not being present in our lives
Have you ever been out to a lunch or dinner with friends or on a date and you couldn't make it through the meal without pulling out your phone and checking your Facebook or Instagram? I'm guilty. If you haven't done it yourself, odds are you sat across from someone who did. When we engage our attention to social media or emails, we are separating ourselves from the people in front of us. We are taking ourselves out of the present moment. We lose mindfulness and we lose the fullness of being in the here and now. While that's ok if you are waiting in line at the DMV or at the doctor's office, it's not ok when you are in a situation that should have your attention and joy. I've literally seen people at dinner staring at their phones and posting about what a great time they are having, while in reality they are just sitting silently at the table staring at their phones. They may be there in body but they are miles away in mind. Life is meant to be experienced, not just written about.  

Spending too much time on Social Media
Maybe you are laying in bed with your partner, maybe you're at work, or perhaps you have some obligations that need your attention, but you can't seem to get away from your phone or computer. Chances are you are spending too much time on social media. We don't realize it but when we are just looking at Facebook or Pinterest, we are wasting time. How? Because if you think about it, when you are preoccupied with those sites, you are not accomplishing anything. Nothing. If you add up all of the time we spend on social media, it would be a stunning amount of wasted time; Time that you could be doing something productive or time you could be spending with the people who are in front of you. Time is something that is a non renewable human resource; And none of us have the same amount of time on this earth. Your time is as limited as it is valuable!

Inflation of the ego and narcissism
There is always that special someone on Facebook or Instagram that feels the need to post the infamous "selfie" everyday. People do that for the same reason children sometimes act out- for attention. They need lots of "likes" on their pictures. The more "likes" they receive, the more validation they feel. It doesn't just boost their self esteem, it inflates their ego. They develop a false sense of being appreciated and feeling connected and attractive. But it's not real. The brain actually tricks us into feeling good when we get those "likes". That's because the brain produces a chemical called, dopamine. Dopamine is the "feel good" chemical. It gets produced when you smoke cigarettes, fall in love, or have a hard workout. Getting those dopamine hits contributes to addictive behavior.  

Worrying about how others perceive you
Poor self esteem and self image seem to be a plague throughout our society right now. With the constant bombardments from advertisers, television, and unrealistic expectations from our own psyches, it's no wonder everyone is consumed with the opinions of others for validation of our beauty and lifestyles. We use social media to project a false view of our lives. There seems to be a social pressure to continuously post pictures which portray us having just a hunky dory fabulous life 24-7. But that simply isn't the case. Let's face it. Life is not easy. Life is not always a beach. The irony is that you are in complete control of what you project or don't project. The opinions of others changes nothing about your life. Life, is an individual experience. It's not a team effort or popularity contest. You are in competition with NO ONE. Let it go.

Dependence on the validation of others
Unfortunately a lot of us make the mistake of looking outside our own selves for validation. It's easy to get caught up in the illusion of life. The psychology of it is that only you get to define yourself. No one else. We often give that power away to people when we allow their judgments about us to impact our lives. Again, the pressure of putting on a facade is self inflicted. You don't need to do it. Social media is about connection with people, not impressing them.
I remember a Facebook post from a woman in my community who, among several other things she does, writes a blog. Rather than writing to simply inform or the joy of helping people, she actually criticized people on Facebook for not reading her writing and appreciating it. That is an example of seeking a validation from others when she should look for it from within her self. It's not the responsibility of others to make you feel important, it's yours. 

Spreading hate and disinformation
There has always been two topics I was told to stay away from in the business world: politics and religion. As an actor I try to avoid talking about both of them, but not so much as a writer. (It's a different venue when you are a lifestyles writer.) Many people use social media to project their views on both politics and religion. Our last election became a social media war with people. People's rants and reactions cost friendships and divided families. Now, think about it; how silly is that, really?
Folks, we have to give people space. You have to give others room to express their beliefs whether you agree with them or not. Who someone votes for doesn't make them a bad or good person. It makes them free to exercise a constitutional right. The media spreads such hate and disinformation on its own. It doesn't need any help from us. We have to stop taking every post so personally. The hate you see in others is often a reflection of what you see in yourself. Do yourself and everyone a favor and put out good things! Spread love, support, and sincerity across your social media. It will become contagious. What you think about expands!

We use social media as a journal
Humans need to express themselves. We need to let our emotions out. We need to vent. It can be very healthy and liberating to do that provided you do it appropriately. We often forget that when we are posting on social media, hundreds and potentially thousands of people, are able to view what we type. It can be very damaging to our personal and professional lives to post things that should be kept private or written down in a personal journey. When you post things, you are essentially going on national TV and talking every time you post something. It's your name and your face out there. You can do incredible harm to people if you are putting out your business or other people's business online. If you are dealing with personal issues, step back and deal with those issues head on before you type about it. Talk in person with someone you trust. The connection to that person will be stronger and more fulfilling than spewing it out online. People don't need to know everything about you and your day. When you vent online, often times people will draw the wrong conclusion about you and your situation if you aren't careful.

Bullying and censoring others

We live in unique times. Our technology has surpassed our spirituality. Kids have literally killed themselves from online bullying. People have lost friendships and families have been divided over comments and rants from others online. The written word is a powerful thing. It can be very informative and also very misguiding. When we communicate, 70% is non verbal. Meaning we look at gestures, nuances, and listen at the tone of voice more than the actual spoken words. When we are using strictly the written word, we are left with essentially 30% information. That can lead to a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Also, as a rule of thumb, if you wouldn't say something to someone's face, then don't say it to them online.
Again, give each other some space. Understand that people vent and say things. Some things we will like and relate to and some things we won't agree with. And it's okay. Really. What we see in others is often a reflection of what we see in ourselves. Not everything is a debate. Let go of the idea that you always have to be right and don't censor people. When you censor people, you are doing "the man's" job for him.
 

Social media can be as beautiful or as ugly as we make it. It's a tool like a vehicle. It can take us to good places or bad places. We can use it to encourage and support one another or we can use it to destroy and bring people down. It is a powerless device until we, the user,  empower it. Use it with restraint and reverence, my peaceful warriors.

Lessons I Learned From The Road

"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien

I have always been fascinated by life on the open road. There was always something exciting and sexy about traveling to new places, even if it was within my own country. Seeing new spots, meeting new people, and back packing the wilderness on a path to adventure was always a dream of mine. About a month ago, I stopped making excuses and I decided to go and just do it. 

I forgot about money or company or an itinerary and I just focused on being in the moment, where ever that moment led me. I rented a van. I threw my mattress, pillows, and my favorite blanket, and a cooler in the back and headed west. I camped out of the van. I hiked across several mountain areas. I visited major cities. I stopped in all kinds of mom and pop shops and I ate great food.

I encourage all of you to do just what I did. You won't regret it. Here are a few things I learned while throwing caution to the wind.

Stop making excuses
You keep seeing people posting pictures on Instagram and Facebook. Maybe some place catches your eye in a magazine. Perhaps you heard stories from other people about all the adventures they had or a vacation they took. What is stopping you? Kids? Finances? Transportation? Work? All of these excuses may feel very real and be very valid but the simple and honest answer comes down to one reason you aren't going out there and one reason alone: YOU.

Take the trip
Pick a place. Just decide to do it. Most of us don't have endless finances or resources (I know I don't), but I am here to tell you that you can have the time of your life with very little. It's not a lack of resources it's a lack of resourcefulness that stops us from chasing our dreams. The best things in life don't cost very much. Adventure is cheap! It's not always about flying first class or eating a five course meal. The fact is, it's about the experiences. The biggest problem is we think we have time. We say, "I'll do it one day." We don't have time. One day never comes. Life is short. Take the trip, eat the ice cream, buy the shoes, and photograph it all!

Keep it simple
You don't always need a plan. You don't need to calculate every last detail or have an itemized check list of every little thing you want to do, see, or pack. Sometimes we plan so much and push ourselves so hard that our vacation can feel like work! I got my transportation. I packed only what I knew I would need. I had some killer tunes on the stereo. Keep in mind, you need food, shelter, water, and some gas money. If you do it right, you won't need much more than that. (I did buy a few souvenirs. Eh, life is short!)

You don't always need a plan
Once I packed, had transportation, I opened up google maps and clicked on every general area that looked cool to me and I went wheels up. I felt more free than ever because I had no place specific to be and no real time crunch to be anywhere. That gave me freedom to stop where ever and look around. No stress! We live in complicated times but we forget that most of life's complications are self inflicted. Sometimes, you just need to wing it.

Take pictures
When I visit the wilderness, I always say, "Take only pictures and leave only foot prints." I say that out of respect for the land and I really enjoy looking back at the gorgeous sights that I photographed when I finally return to home base. It's also beautiful and rewarding to share those pictures with friends that weren't able to come with you on your adventures. Everything is in constant change. We can't slow down father time. Our bodies age, and the landscapes around us change too. Be sure to document and capture as many moments as you can where ever you go

Embrace meeting new people
Getting out of your comfort zone and meeting new and different people can be very enjoyable and it provides you an excellent opportunity to grow as a person. You might not think that growth would be a part of your vacation/adventure, but if you open your heart to new people, I assure you that it will be. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a fresh perspective. Sample it! Talk to people. Find out the history of where you are. Find out the best places to eat or where the best live music is. Whatever. Doing so will give you the stories that you'll be excited to tell. Just connect with your fellow humans!

Be open to the journey
Find the joy in the travel, not the destination. Often times, the most amazing things happen, not when you arrive, but in the process of getting there. (Where ever you think "there" is) Find peace even when you are stuck on the interstate or when you think you are lost. Know that behind every corner is something new! Something that your eyes has yet to see or perhaps a food that you have yet to taste or a person that you have yet to meet. It's all part of the adventure! Be open!

I spent five nights and six days on the road. I ate at great diners. I hiked amazing trails. I woke up next to gorgeous rivers. I met beautiful people. I left my wrist watch, my troubles, and my worries on the curb before I left home. Let me tell you, it was one of the most amazing times I've had in my life. I can't wait to do it all again. Simplify. Stop the excuses. Get a map. Pack a bag. Hit the road. I'll see you out there. Safe travels, peaceful warriors!