How Fear is Ruining Your Life

"So many of us choose our path out of  fear disguised as practicality." - Jim Carrey

I think the greatest disease of our time is fear. Fear has killed more dreams than any failure has. Fear has led to wars, division, and misunderstandings. Fear has stopped people from pursuing their goals, finding love, loving themselves, and understanding others. Fear feeds the ego. How many instances can you look back on where you chose your path or made a decision out of fear? Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of being hurt. Fear of feeling not good enough. Let's take a look at what fear is, how it affects our lives, and what we can do to conquer our fears.

F.E.A.R. "False Evidence Appearing Real" (Zig Ziglar)

Many times throughout the day we're faced with enormous anxiety, doubt, insecurity, worry, and fear. We refer to our fear as, "stress," but it's really just fear. I guess at some point, in adulthood perhaps, you aren't suppose to say that you are afraid; but that's exactly what it is. It's fear. If we are being honest with ourselves, the internal dialogue we would have would look a lot like this: "I'm scared of losing."  "I'm scared I'll be fired from my job." "I'm scared I'll be laughed at and rejected." "I'm scared I'm not good enough." On and on and on... If we would just stop and take a step back for a moment, sit with our fear, then perhaps we could better understand our fear and even see that most of what scares us and holds us back is all an illusion that our ego has nightmarishly dished out to us.

Fear keeps you from your pursuing your dreams

If I were to ask you, if you could do any job that you wanted, what would that job be, would your answer be what your job is now? For most people, no. Why? Why aren't we doing what we want to do? Because for most of us we talked ourselves out of going for what we wanted. We didn't feel good enough, smart enough, rich enough, good looking enough. We panicked at the thought of things just not working out and failing. We didn't want to be a disappointment to anyone. For many of us, not trying was easier than dealing with rejection or failure. But what so many people opted for was trading their passion for safety. And they will never know how far they could of excelled had they went for what was in their heart. 

Fear keeps you from loving others and from loving yourself

Have you ever wanted to date someone but you talked yourself out of asking them out? How many times have either heard or have said, "That person is out of my league." I  had an older gentleman tell me a piece of dating advice when I was a teenager that I always remembered every time I wanted to talk to a woman. The advice was this: "If you don't ask, the answer is always, 'No'." Stop judging yourself. Stop judging others. Pretend, if you must, that no one is better than you and you are no better than anyone else. Because that is the absolute truth of life. We have enough people judging us, so they don't need our help drawing conclusions. Stop worrying about your hair, your height, your weight, your accent, or education. The most powerful thing you can be is yourself. The right people will always appreciate you for you.

Fear stops you from fully experiencing life

Get on the boat. Go to the party. Talk to that good looking person. Get on the horse. Go into the gym. Taste the wine. Go for that promotion. Show up for the audition. Sing your song. When you do what is called, negative self-talk, you talk your self right out of experiencing the richness and fullness of life. It's the party that you didn't go to because you weren't confident that may have stopped you from meeting the person you've been waiting for. It was all the times you didn't join the gym because you felt too "out of shape" and didn't want to feel like everyone is looking at you that kept you from getting into good shape. Here is the truth: You, me, all of us, are going to die. Hate to be that blunt, but it's a fact. We will regret more things that we didn't do and the chances we didn't take way more than what we did do in life. You are good enough. If you don't think so, fake it till you make it and get out of the house!

Fear clouds your spirituality 

Religiously speaking, most of us are told (programmed) as to what religion we should believe in; usually by our parents. Growing up in a Southern Baptist home, I was told by many people at church that if I didn't believe like them that I would go to hell. I was told to not associate with anyone that questions the bible or has any difference of opinion on God. This experience led me to be utterly confused about God, about my life, the nature of the self, and it really closed my mind to so much beauty within other religions and cultures for many years. I can't imagine anything scarier than eternal damnation. (If you can, tweet it my way.) Look no further to our communities and the media to see how fear is used to divide us, control our behavior, our choices, how we see ourselves and judge others. It's all a wizard of Oz, man behind the curtain, song and dance. Don't buy into it.

Fear pushes people away.

Whether it's fear of being wrong about religion, fear of rejection, fear of being hurt, fear disguised as misunderstanding of others, fear often makes us push people away. Fear causes us to behave irrationally and makes us defensive when we shouldn't be. Fear makes us become offended. Often times we feel the need to be right so strongly that we take away the voice of other people to make ourselves feel more secure. Fear of being wrong or admitting wrong doing is one of the greatest detriments to people and the United States' political climate right now. The citizens in the US can't even give one another space to express themselves without condemning opposing views. (Much like the fear tactics found in many religions and organized establishments.) 

Dissolving fear

You will never be able to be completely "fearless." It's part of being trapped in the human body and part of the human experience. It can be used as a tool to either control you or make you claim your independence. The choice is yours. If you want to overcome fear you must first understand that most of what you fear or have anxiety about is a work of fiction and your ego is writing the script. Failure isn't fatal. Success is what happens when you try that one additional time after you failed. Your ego isn't that voice telling you that you are great and that you are better than this guy or that gal. No. it's the voice that tells you that you aren't good enough and tells you that you're going to fail. The ego is that cliché devil on your shoulder. (E.G.O. = Edging God Out) Recognize it when you feel fear coming on.

You have to come to a point where you accept your mortality as a human. You must learn to know and be okay with the fact that everything you see and have in this world is fleeting and temporary. When you can do that, not only will you approach life with this new kind of bravery, but you will approach it with more of an unattachment. Your life will become more like a playground than a test. Fear will start to look less like a monster and more like a clown. 

I feel fear just like you. I get nervous every time I ask a girl out. I feel anxious every time I audition or perform as an actor. I even get nervous writing this blog. But I don't feed my fears. I let them pass by me like a breeze. I don't entertain them or serve them tea. I breath. I remind myself that whatever happens, it won't be the end of the world. I see the acronym YOLO (You Only Live Once)  a lot on social media. As a Buddhist it makes me chuckle because I believe in rebirth but I digress. But if you do only live once, I think if you do it right, once is enough. Don't live in fear, live out loud. Go for your dreams. Get the hottie. And for God's sake eat the cake and buy the damn shoes.