"Happiness is a choice."
Something just felt different. In fact, it has been different for some time. Maybe it was me. Did I do something wrong? Was there someone else? Was it, like the song goes, the thrill gone? Facing the fact that I wasn't bringing much money into the house, (in fact my girlfriend who is a school teacher is making more then me) I looked over at my girlfriend and asked her what was wrong. I continued to ask all of the "is it me, is it you, is it us, questions." Ever play that game? It's awkward.
Much to my surprise, I was wrong on all accounts. There was no one else, it was not me, or even anything to do with us. But the weird feeling that I got from my long time spouse was there. What it was was merely a reflection of her personal stress. And it was there because of... well... really... a choice.
My girlfriend worked very hard to become a teacher. She worked odd jobs and took all the necessary classes and tests to obtain her teaching license. I can remember watching her come home from work and immediately dive into studying for her licensing tests. She spent hours and hours preparing. And she also spent hours and hours agonizing about getting a job in the school system. The economy in our state, as with just about any place, for lack of a better word: sucks.
Finally, after meeting all the requirements, she fulfilled her dream of being a teacher. She is in her second year of teaching now. And she is again stressed. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that her stress never left. As she and I spoke more in depth, she told me how stressed out she was that her job may be cut next school year. And she was worried about being unemployed.
Now to most people, especially now a days, this stress seems absolutely normal. Notice how I said, most people. I, my friends, am not most people. (Please, no comments from those who know me.) When I heard her utter this worry I didn't know if I should laugh or be genuinely sorry for her. Have I lost you yet? No worries. Follow me on this...
Essentially, what my girlfriend inadvertently told me was that her happiness has been overcome by stress. And that stress never stopped. Even in the wake of getting what she thought she wanted, she was still stressed out. No break, no holiday from stress. Nope. Just a bunch of worry where happiness should be.
Do you do that? Do you find yourself stressing to obtain something? Sounds something like: "I'll be happy when I get this fill in the blank." And then when you get it, do you stress about keeping it? Or maybe you stress out that what you got wasn't what you expected or how you expected it to be. Well, if all of that is true, why?- It's human nature. Or more accurately, a learned response.
People tend to delay their own happiness!
Now read the previous sentence out loud! People tend to delay their own happiness. What? Why? That's crazy talk, right? Wrong. It's a fact. Think about it. How many times have you said or thought things like, "I'll be happy when I buy that house. I'll be happy when I have a new car. I'll be happy when I get that job or that girl or that guy or blah, blah, blah!" You've done it. Admit it! I've done it. We've all done it. We are making a choice. And for what ever bone headed reason, we are choosing to delay our happiness. We are putting our happiness into the future. Kind of like putting an event down in your calender, we do the same thing with our happiness. (Hmm, note to self: March 1st- 1pm- be happy then.)
WHY WE DO IT:
Why procrastinate our own happiness? Simple. We, as human beings, have fantasies. And I don't mean the naked kind. We, in our minds, have a specific belief of how we feel our lives should be. Or how we can make them be that by attaining something or someone. This is desire. Again, not the naked kind. Desire is wanting. Wanting is suffering. Suffering, you guessed it, trumps happiness. It is impossible to be truly happy and want something in the same moment. Oh, and that's merely half of it kiddies, hold on! When we actually attain that thing or person that we wanted, guess what? It is never exactly how we imagined it! Think about it. Even your dream job will have days that, well, suck. Even that hot model girlfriend will be a bitch sometimes. And because of that, we aren't satisfied or happy! And then, get ready, the cycle repeats itself! We look for the NEXT BIG THING! ( Or thang, as I like to call it.) Or worse: we worry about keeping what we have! I did that, a long time ago, with a girlfriend. I thought this girl was the one. The one who could make me happy. Soon after we started dating, I thought more about losing her then I did loving her. And guess what... I lost her. (In my defense, she was the hot girl, who in fact, was a high maintance bitch. Just saying for the record.)
BEING HAPPY NOW
So, if you think about it... you, me, the man in the tree, we all have put off our happiness at some point. And now you are conscious of how we do it. How do we end it? Mindfulness. We need to be mindful of where we are and be alright with it. Now, I don't like being unemployed, but I know, deep down, that it's temporary. But I'm not going to say, I'll be happy when I'm working again. No. I'm saying, I'm happy now. And I know my actions today will lead to another job tomorrow. Every choice or action right now, dictates quite a lot for tomorrow. Based on that, why put your mind anywhere else but right here and right now? Stop telling yourself things like that, "things aren't how I planned them." No kidding. Things... never - will - be! Whether you believe in a purpose, a higher power, or people just manifested out of thin air, you can believe that your life, now, is special. Always has been, always will be. You can be happy just to be alive. Don't worry so much about tomorrow. It might not come. This moment, is all you have. Be happy that you can use it to make a positive impact on others and you can influence your own tomorrow. If it comes. Paradise is a matter of perception. Food for thought from the Kung Fu Monk.. Hi-yay!
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